It’s that time of year again, where I pretend that people care about my site metrics even the teeniest little bit and waste time posting about them anyway! You’re excited, right?
Okay, there’s a reason I’m posting this on Christmas Eve, nobody’s on the blog today anyway. 🙂 Onward!
Here’s overall traffic for the blog, organized by year:
That’s… not super encouraging, obviously, and I’m pretty sure that if I hadn’t written a monster post at the end of 2015 (more on that later) we’d be seeing a steady decline since 2014. Now, a lot of this year is my fault– I’ve not been engaging with other bloggers and I haven’t been posting as often, so traffic was bound to be down. That 575 comments number is definitely something I’d like to see go up in the future; that’s not even two a day. But hey! Sixty-one thousand pageviews ain’t bad. It’s not like I’m a celebrity or anything; I’m an idiot with a website.
The top ten posts written in 2017 were:
- Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: MINI FORCE, 6,413 pageviews.
- #REVIEW: SLEEPING BEAUTIES, by Stephen King & Owen King, 276 pageviews.
- Betsy DeVos is a fucking worthless hack and so is her scumbag boss, 249 pageviews.
- KOKOMO-CON: The Cosplay, 236 pageviews, plus hundreds on the pictures.
- RIP, Sonya Craig, 186 pageviews.
- On refugees and Christianity, again, 174 pageviews.
- On “assassination porn” and stupid, stupid people, 169 pageviews.
- #metoo and me, 149 pageviews.
- May as well tell the whole world, 123 pageviews.
- On letting idiots make decisions for me, 118 pageviews.
…so, yeah. Nothing that really set the world on fire, other than that MINI FORCE piece, and… well, prepare for a pattern on that. I have no idea who the hell is reading the Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews series, but holy shit are those posts popular, except when they’re not. The one on Pokémon that I wrote this year got nowhere, the one on Mini Force got six thousand pageviews. Hell if I know.
The top ten posts of the year, regardless of when they were written, are:
- Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: MINI FORCE, 6,413 pageviews, 6,413 pageviews overall.
- Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: BOB ZOOM, 5,262 pageviews, 15,799 pageviews overall.
- Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: OCTONAUTS, 3,045 pageviews, 9,068 pageviews overall.
- SNOWPIERCER: I hated, hated, hated, hated, HATED this movie., 3,013 pageviews, 27,152 pageviews overall.
- Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: SARAH & DUCK, 2,791 pageviews, 3,206 pageviews overall.
- In which I tell you how your religion works, 2,118 pageviews, 109,692 pageviews overall.
- Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: COLOR CREW, 1,958 pageviews, 6,977 pageviews overall.
- Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: CURIOUS GEORGE, 1,423 pageviews, 5,781 pageviews overall.
- In which I am still a bad student (pt. 2 of 3), 1,243 pageviews, 2,014 pageviews overall.
- Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: Peg + Cat, 958 pageviews, 3,694 pageviews overall.
…I assume you may have noticed a theme. Be aware that the next six highest posts for the year are also CCPR posts. I don’t understand any of this, really; that Goddamn Snowpiercer post should not be still getting views but still does every single day (and remains the #1 Google result for the words “Snowpiercer stupid,”) and I’ve never understood the popularity of specifically #2 in that “Bad Student” series. For comparative purposes, part one got 59 views this year, and part 3 got 67. I think it has something to do with being a high Google result for searches that include the image at the top of the page, but why the hell that led to twelve hundred pageviews? I dunno.
Clearly I need to just review kids’ shows all the time. That’s obviously my niche.
OH I ALMOST FORGOT EDIT: Geography! Geography is fun. Here are countries that have visited my blog this year:
And here is the lifetime-of-the-blog chart. Both are clickable to make ’em a bit bigger if you care to do so:
Still missing: North Korea, Cuba, Turkmenistan, Western Sahara, Guinea, Liberia, Niger, Chad, the Central African Republic, South Sudan, Somalia, Eritrea, Gabon, Svalbard Island, and… Kosovo. I have always suspected that for some unclear technological reason whatever software WordPress is using interprets hits from Kosovo as being from the neighboring countries, as they’re fairly well-represented, and none of the rest are especially surprising, as they’re either Communist dictatorships, tremendously poor, have essentially no people, or some combination of the three.
It is very cool to say that my stupid little blog has had visits from damn near every country on Earth, guys.