On schadenfreude and self-improvement

Flagg.jpgSo there’s this house I drive past basically every time I have any reason to drive north, and since I live on the south side of town “heading north” happens quite a bit.  It’s a shitty house.  There’s mold on the siding, visible plant life growing in the gutters, the roof is rotting, and the garage is not anywhere close to plumb.   I suspect I could push the thing over if I wanted to, and there have been nights on the way home where I was tempted to get out of my car and do so.

There have also been a couple of prominent Confederate battle flags flying prominently around the house for the last several years.  They keep moving them; sometimes they’re on the garage, sometimes by the side door, sometimes in the windows, sometimes just flying off the back of the shitty rusted-out pickup truck that you were already picturing in their side yard even without me telling you it was there.

I have no idea who lives there, but I kind of hate them.  I don’t need to see your racist bullshit every time I leave my fucking house, and at this point anyone still willing to fly one of those symbols of treason over their house is pretty clearly signaling they’re not someone I’m going to enjoy associating with at all.  These people are almost certainly assholes of some stripe or another and I don’t feel bad about not liking them on reflex.

The last couple of weeks I’ve noticed the flags were gone, and sometime in the last day or two a bunch of bank auction signs have sprouted up around the house.  So it looks like the bank foreclosed on whoever lived there and is trying to sell this half-decayed house to recoup some of its costs.

And my first thought upon seeing all this was Good.  Fuck ’em.

I’d like to be the kind of person who doesn’t celebrate in even a minor way when people lose their homes.  For all I know there are kids living there who don’t deserve to be tarred with their parents’ asshole brushes.

I bet they’ve found a way to blame black people for them losing their house, though.  Which brings me back to “Fuck ’em.”

Sigh.

On sexism, privilege and shitty white men

raf,750x1000,075,t,athletic_heather.2u1.jpgLet’s recall that Barack Obama rarely gave a speech without the media roundly criticizing his performance.  Let’s further recall that Hillary Clinton’s every vocal utterance of any length at all was frequently criticized as well, in terms one never ever hears when referring to speeches by white men.  Hillary’s voice and cadence were/are criticized constantly, and conservatives never missed a chance to complain that either Obama or Clinton always seemed to be talking down to them.

(They were talking down to you.  They are better than you, both of them, in nearly every imaginable way.)

So last night Cheetolini gave a speech to Congress.  I didn’t watch it, but from what I’ve heard he managed to both wear pants and pretend to be an adult who could actually read throughout the entire speech, which I’m sure he wrote not a single word of.  He has, of course, been receiving praise all day for finally “looking Presidential”– by which everyone means he spent the entire speech lying through his fucking teeth but managed to do it without shrieking, going off-script, or shitting himself, which are things we expect of ten-year-olds before they give a presentation in the fifth grade.

But he’s a white guy, so we’re alllllll gonna pretend that this was an important moment and praise him for it.  I haven’t heard anyone mention his voice once.  Dubya got the same treatment.

I don’t want to hear shit about participation trophies from white people ever again as long as I live.  This fucker got handed the biggest participation trophy in human fucking history just now, and the white assholes who scream the loudest about them all voted for him.

In which I outsource my life decisions

pen-solidarity-fistI need input:  assess the viability of something similar to this image– I’ll let the artist freehand it; I’m not about to just copy a piece of clip art– as a tattoo.  Upper arm.  Do not respond “I don’t like tattoos;” in that case, I’m not asking you.  Note that I have six other tats and most of them are monochromatic so it’ll fit in pretty well.

Betsy DeVos is a fucking worthless hack and so is her scumbag boss

bagofdicks.jpgNote: the title to this post very nearly contained a Certain Word that I genuinely try to avoid using under any circumstances, and no, it isn’t the orange shitgibbon’s actual name.  Having thus demonstrated restraint by using “hack” instead, do not expect me to do any further holding back.

Motherfuckers, let me be perfectly clear on something here: the next person to try and pull some sort of mealy-mouthed, fuckwitted “Republicans and Democrats are the same” horseshit where I can see them is going to get my hand rammed up their ass so that I can use them as a human puppet for a while and force them to say things that make sense.  Because I dare you– I double dare you– I double dog dare you, motherfucker,  to find one fucking nominee by a Democrat to a Cabinet post at any fucking point in my lifetime who was even remotely as fucking unqualified for their jobs as any single one of the shitbirds Lord Dampnut has thrown up.  It’s fucking unbelievable; the qualification for any Cabinet post appears to be “does this person completely oppose the mission of the department they’re being nominated to head?”

Find one fucking time– one fucking time in the last forty years— where the Democrats nominated anyone as unqualified as fucking Betsy DeVos.  I’m serious.  If there is one, and I don’t think there is, I want to know about it.  I mean, let’s be real, here: this motherfucker had a chance to nominate Ben Carson to something, right?  Ben Carson’s a fucking surgeon, and by all accounts is actually good at that.  Like, legitimately.  So… maybe Surgeon General?  Health and Human Services?

Nah.  He’s, like, black n’ shit, so put the motherfucker in charge of HUD.  I mean, he’s completely fucking unqualified, but what-fucking-ever.  Let’s find someone who doesn’t believe in global warming to head the EPA.  In every single fucking instance— other than the fucking military, of course– the person nominated to head the department has been explicitly against what the fuck their department is supposed to be for.

Find me a fucking time where the Democrats named a fucking hippie for SecDef.  Go ahead, look.  You won’t find one.  Because the Democrats, despite their frequent lack of basic fucking competence, actually give a shit about having a fucking functional goddamned government.  The Republican plan is to loot the citizenry for every single fucking dime they can and “prove” that government doesn’t work by being utterly fucking incompetent at governing every chance they get.  It’s explicit.  It’s obvious.  It’s been going on for fucking decades.

Fuck this.  Fuck them. Fuck everyone who fucking voted for them, too.

On refugees and Christianity, again

24OPINION-diptych-articleLarge.jpg
On the right, Rouwaida Hanoun, a Syrian five-year-old who is, as far as I know, still alive.  On the left, Anne Frank, who is not.

There are– it is horrifying to think, but it is true– people who believe that the orange fascist currently occupying the White House is a Christian.  Many of these people are the same people who believed Barack Obama to not be a Christian, so it’s immediately and apparently clear that when they say “Christianity,” what they mean is “White supremacy,” and they have little to no idea of what Jesus actually preached, what he might have believed, or– rather importantly– what he looked like.

I noticed this morning that the post I wrote about refugees last year is spiking in page views again, which is not surprising.  The monster in the White House has chosen to ban desperately frightened and endangered people– the “least among us” who Jesus spoke of– from our country, has deliberately decided to let children die rather than incur even the slightest risk to people who look like him.  He has, of course, excluded his business partners from these calculations; if  you are wealthy enough for him to have business dealings with, you are a Person, of course; Rouwaida Hanoun is not.  When I wrote the post last year we had a President who, while he made bad decisions in any number of ways, I believed fundamentally cared about people.

Unfortunately, that is no longer remotely true, and the man who was trying to keep Syrian refugees out of my state at the time is now Vice President.  Most of the time, I have trouble believing our current President is actually human.  It takes every bit of moral strength I have to recognize that the demented narcissist in the White House deserves as much compassion and dignity as anyone else by simple virtue of having been born a person.  Somebody or something fucked this man up; I don’t believe he was born this awful.

But that’s beside the point.  When I wrote that post last year, I was trying to be nice and trying to be the voice of reason.  You may recognize the tone; I use it around here from time to time when I’m writing something I want to be taken more seriously than usual.  At this point, I’m going to take a different tack: if you don’t think these people should be allowed into the country, if you think refugees (and people with green cards!  People who have been here, and are now separated from their families simply by virtue of having been somewhere else when the ban went into effect!) should be banned from the United States simply because of their religion, you’re a fucking monster.  You’re not a Christian.  Christ himself would rebuke you– he already has, in fact, in clear terms in the Bible you claim to believe is divinely inspired and true in its every word.

You are a bad person if you agree with this ban.  You are a racist and a monster and a coward and every bit as much of a piece of shit as the people trying to keep the Jews out of the country in the 1940s were. You are the exact same people saying the exact same things for the exact same reasons, only with “Jew” crossed out and “Muslim” written in.  And while I don’t want this to be true and I try to be a better person, I really wish there was a Hell so I could see the look on your face when you end up there. Because Jesus has been clear on your responsibilities in this matter.  If you’re not a Christian, you don’t have to follow Jesus.  I certainly don’t.  But he was perfectly clear on this, and you are the bad guys.  


As I was writing this, word came through Twitter that the ACLU has won a stay against this executive order, which is good, as it was wildly illegal from the start.  I set up recurring monthly donations to the ACLU and Planned Parenthood today.  You should too.