On single daddery

41.jpgDon’t panic.

It’s already been a maddeningly long week– Presidents’ Day weekend is apparently a big thing in the furniture business– and Monday was a full staff day, meaning that everyone in the store had to be there on Monday whether it was their day to work or not and everyone got an extra five hours of work this week on top of our normal 46.

Everyone but me, that is.  They didn’t actually announce the full-staff thing until, like, Friday, and by that point I was already pretty damn sure that there was no way I was going to be able to spend a single second longer at work than I absolutely had to today.  My wife was at work until 8:00 on Monday and nearly 9:30 on Tuesday, meaning that my parents had to watch the boy all day Monday and pick him up from school and watch him afterwards on Tuesday until I could pick him up after I got off work at 8.

And today she fled town altogether to spend the next three days in Des Plaines (I think?  I should probably know what town she’s in) and leaving me at home with the boy.  Which in the overall scheme of things isn’t any sort of big deal– I am not actually the sort of father who panics at the thought of being sole caretaker for his kid for a few days– but it has rather increased my desire for sleep.  Lots of sleep.  And the extreme business of the last few days have already cut into my blogging time, so we’ll see if the next couple of days are the same way.

Long story short, I’ve got tons to do and don’t panic if I disappear for a couple of days.

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Because shit is too serious right now:  you may or may not be aware that my wife’s mother passed away a couple of weeks ago after a long illness.  I alluded to it here a couple of times but I don’t think I ever actually came out and said it.  Do not bother expressing your well-wishes in the comments as I am about to spend this post making fun of my deceased mother-in-law and your sentiments will feel inappropriate.

My wife spent part of her day today helping her dad clean the house out, and in the process of throwing out a bunch of newspapers and magazines somehow came across this.  I am seriously considering getting in touch with the President’s office over at Purdue on the off chance that the letter this is responding to is still in an archive somewhere, because oh my God how batshit crazy must the letter this is responding to be:

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Kudos to President Beering, seriously; this is shade of the highest order and I am very impressed.

(NOTE: This was published, obviously, with my wife’s full knowledge and permission.)

Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: ZIG & SHARKO

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So.  ZIG & SHARKO.  See if you can figure out the premise of the show from that top image there; it ain’t complicated.  Getting a strong Wile E. Coyote vibe?  Yeah, that’s not too far off.

There is a mermaid.  Her name is Marina.  There is a shark named Sharko.  There is a… hell, I have no idea what Zig is supposed to be.  Some sort of canine variant?  A hyena?  A Tasmanian devil?  I dunno, but he lives on a volcanic island in the middle of nowhere, and the volcanic island is host to basically every animal that exists when the show calls for it, including– in the episode currently airing on my TV right now, a cheetah (or maybe a leopard?) which is an animal also not generally expected on volcanic islands.

Anyway, Zig wants to eat Marina.  Sharko is Marina’s protector and doesn’t want him to.  Marina is either extraordinarily bubbleheaded or actually special needs in some way and doesn’t generally notice the competition for her bloody death that takes place around her in every episode.

The hermit crab is named Bernie, and he is generally irrelevant.

The show is French, but that doesn’t really matter as there is never any actual speech, just lots of grunting and giggles and random noises.  Much like the aforementioned Road Runner/Wile E. Coyote cartoons, here’s the plot of every episode: Zig wants to eat Marina.  He concocts some complicated plan to do so.  Sharko stops him, generally administering a vicious beating along the way.  But it’s way more creepy than RR/WEC ever got, because Marina looks human— well, mostly– and plus she dresses like a mermaid, and is therefore half naked all the time, with bouncy girl parts and such, and… yeah, it makes it weird.  Generally harmless, but definitely a bit weird.

Oh, and then there’s that one super racist episode.  In one episode, shark hunters find Sharko.  They’re Chinese.  They wanna make shark fin soup out of him.  When they see him, they look like this:

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And this happens:

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This show aired in 2011, and not, say, 1943.  I had to take pictures of the TV screen, because I couldn’t find any screencaps online.  How in the fuck?  This is some 1870’s-level Yellow Peril shit right here, with a nice dose of “they all look the same” mixed in for good measure.  The six fishermen in the red literally all move and act exactly the same for the entire episode, and the only noises they make are creepy giggling.

Maybe lose this episode, Netflix.  I doubt anyone will notice.

Christmas shopping is dumb

Goddammit, I had an anecdote ready like half an hour ago.  Something about the boy.

Shit.

Something about toy stores being really depressing; I dunno.  We went Christmas shopping tonight and it’s really reinforced my desire to have nothing to do with that holiday ever again.  That said, I need the boy to be about four years older, because some of the robotics shit being aimed at 9-12 year olds right now is amazing.

Let’s see

Get home.  It’s already nearly nine.

Go in to hug boy, who I haven’t seen since 8:30 this morning.

In process of putting boy to sleep, transition from “I missed you” to “Goddammit it’s time to go to bed, do you want to lose privileges tomorrow?” in the span of perhaps fifteen minutes.

Narrowly avoid an argument with an idiot stranger on Facebook.  Very narrowly avoid said argument.

See that “Jimmy Snuka” is trending, think Oh fuck you 2016, discover that I’m not quite right but I might as well be.

Current thought: Nachos after 9:00 PM are a terrible idea at my age, which does not mean they aren’t necessary.

That is all.