A brief note on Gene Wilder

On August 31, 2016August 30, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn movies1 Comment

I know I’m a couple of days late, but: while I am not the world’s biggest Gene Wilder fan, and in fact I’m pretty sure I have never seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in its entirety, and in additional fact am suddenly not even entirely sure that’s the proper name of the film, I will always, always, always be grateful to him for this fucking sublime moment from Blazing Saddles:

I would kill to know how many takes this took. Cleavon Little is trying so hard to keep his shit together and Wilder is just torturing him. It’s the best moment in an entirely brilliant movie. RIP, Gene. And fuck you, 2016.

In which I thought y’all knew

On August 30, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn Uncategorized1 Comment

I’ve been trying to avoid telling a lot of customer stories on the blog since I took the new job. As critical as I could be of my students at times, I knew those kids and had personal relationships with them, and even when I was furious with them and/or occasionally poking fun at them, it always came from a place where I wanted to help them get better and frequently was from a place of actual affection. My customers are strangers, and even though the chance of them finding my blog is even less than the chance of my students finding it, “dumb customer” types of stories tend to feel meaner, for lack of a better word, than stories about my kids.

That said.

It has not yet failed to startle me how customers do not seem to understand that furniture retail is still retail, and that they are at a retail store in America when they are buying from me and not, say, a bazaar in the Old City in Jerusalem. Bargaining is neither necessary nor particularly encouraged, and while, yes, I might be able to come down a bit on the price of that piece of clearanced furniture you’re looking at just so that I can get it off the floor, I’m not moving down $1000 on the price of the most expensive table in the entire store (which you will receive new) under any Goddamned circumstances. It’s not happening. And that clearance furniture? We’re talking maybe another $50 off, or maybe 10%, depending on how much it is and how much it’s already marked down. Yes, I know there’s a scratch on the front. That’s why it’s clearanced. You may notice that it’s already 40% off. I’m not taking another 20% off because of a scratch that I already took into account when I priced the piece. You are not the first person to notice the scratch, believe it or not!

We have a love seat on the floor that is in clearance and it is literally beat to hell. It looks like someone has tried to peel the leather off of it. I have no idea why we have it, or why we didn’t just throw it away. It’s $18. It was $800 new. I assume it’s there in case someone wants to try and reupholster it as a project.

Someone asked me if I could do any better on it today.

No. It’s eighteen fucking bucks. I cannot do any better.

Also:

(This happened yesterday.)

If, by some chance, you have had a problem with a piece of furniture we have sold you, and if we have agreed to exchange said furniture piece, and we’ve called you and told you the replacement piece was here, and if we specifically told you in the phone conversation that you had to bring the old piece (which you have been using and sitting on, because a rip in the upholstery on the side of a chair does not render it unusable) in order to receive the new piece, and then you show up without the old piece?

You’re not getting the new piece, no matter how much you yell and scream about it. I don’t care that you think you have to “check to see if it matches” before you take it. You are not getting the replacement piece until you bring us back the old one.

Sound unreasonable? Try that shit in any other retail store on the planet. Go ahead, go to Best Buy and try and exchange your new TV and tell them you’ll bring back the old one once you’re sure the new one works.

Go to Target and “exchange” a pair of pants, and when they ask you for the old pants, explain that you left the old pants at home, and when they tell you you need the old pants if you expect them to give you the new ones, tell them to drive out to your house and pick them up and see how well that works for you.

Because it is no different when you are buying furniture. You wanna buy the replacement piece, and then return the old one later on? That’s fine. We can accommodate that. But you think I’m just giving you a free $600 item so you can take it home and see if it works?

Getthefuckouttahere.

Rant ends.

On America’s pasttime

On August 29, 2016August 28, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn Stories3 Comments

This post will be of even less interest to the majority of you than usual, mostly because the vast majority of you aren’t local, but: I attended a AAA South Bend Cubs game at our local baseball parky-thingy Saturday night. The stadium has been there a long time, but I probably haven’t been to a game since high school. I remember enjoying the several games I went to, but “several” is probably the right word. And since college I have almost completely abandoned watching sports as a means of recreation. I know more than I pretend to a lot of the time but I literally can’t name a single currently working pro NFL or MLB player, probably not more than half a dozen NBA players, and not a single college athlete in any sport.

But anyway. There’s something about baseball stadiums, right? And I’ve never gotten to be in a skybox before, so being right behind home plate and in a spot where it was highly unlikely that I’d be hit by a fast-moving projectile was kinda cool. Plus, hey, cash bar that served free soft drinks and free catering. It was also a cool Dad Night, as my son knows nothing of baseball and had never been to a game, and I bought him a lightsaber to play with. He had fun too.

Local folks, if you haven’t found an excuse to see a game at Four Winds Field lately, go. Tickets are cheap and the experience is generally excellent, especially if you’re able to go on a night where there are fireworks. Just sit along the third base line so you can see them better. There are grassy fields to sit on in the outfield and bouncy houses for the littler kids and the usual concessions and all that other fun stuff. If you’re around, go. Even if you’re not into baseball, it’s a great way to spend a Saturday night.

Ran into a Trump supporter at work today, the first openly so individual I’ve actually encountered. I had to eventually stare him down and tell him that I didn’t discuss politics at work, and his wife clearly has grown to loathe him and his need to insert politics and crazypants into every conversation with every stranger he meets. I felt bad for her. He probably needs a therapist.

In other words, pretty much exactly who I thought he’d be.

STATION IDENTIFICATION: Infinitefreetime.com

On August 28, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn Writing

I’m Luther Siler. I’m a writer and an editor. Welcome to my blog, infinitefreetime.com.

I’m the author of Skylights, available for $4.95 from Amazon, and The Benevolence Archives. Benevolence Archives, Vol. 1 is 99 cents from Amazon. Volume 2, The Sanctum of the Sphere, is $4.95. All three books are available in print as well, and the print edition of Sanctum includes BA 1 as a bonus! My newest book is a nonfiction memoir about teaching called Searching for Malumba: Why Teaching is Terrible, and Why We Do It Anyway. The ebook is $4.95 and the print edition is $15.95.

Autographed books can be ordered straight from me as well.

Here’s where to find Luther Siler on the interwebtron:

You can follow me on Twitter, @nfinitefreetime, here or just click the “follow” button on the right side of the page. I am on Twitter pretty frequently; I use it for liveblogging TV, whining about anything that strikes me as whine-worthy, and for short, Facebook-style posts. I generally follow back if I can tell you’re a human being.
Instagram!
Sign up for my mailing list here.
My author page on Goodreads is here. I accept any and all friend requests.
I have a Tumblr! I don’t actually know what Tumblr is, because I’m old, but I’ve got one.
My official Author page on Amazon is located here.
Feel free to Like the (sadly underutilized) Luther Siler Facebook page here. It’s mostly used as a reblogger for posts.
And, of course, you’re already at infinitefreetime.com, my blog. You can click here to be taken to a random post.

Thanks for reading!

A fine way to spend a Saturday night

On August 27, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn Photography1 Comment

…so, yeah, forgive me if there’s no blogging.

In which I remember my other-other job

On August 26, 2016August 26, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn Writing3 Comments

51X7vJ8S0SL._SX373_BO1,204,203,200_ Hopefully you can follow along: I spent the day at OtherJob, which is the golf course, but I spent it mostly concentrating on things I needed to do for OtherOtherJob, the one that barely pays anything but occupies most of my headspace all the damn time anyway: being an author. I actually got fiction written today, for starters, which is an accomplishment of staggering proportions the way things have been going lately, and not only that but I managed to get some initial planning done on a couple of stories other than the one I am working on right now. Which is nearly finished anyway. And I communicated with my artist for Tales and did a bunch of preliminary investigation into various marketing things for the new book and a whole bunch of other stuff. I may even have a release date in mind, although I’m not telling any of you about it yet.

I think I’m coming out of the last of The Fogs, that one being where I adjust to the new reality of life as a furniture salesman with ridiculous hours and find a way to cram the important bits of my life into the time that’s left. I’m not coming home from longer shifts and wanting to die anymore, and while I need to get better about writing coherent and interesting blog posts a bit in advance so that I’m not posting three-line garbage posts at 9:30 before collapsing into bed, I can see signs of where I’m starting to get there. I haven’t had a new book release in a while; getting this one done and out there will feel good, and once that’s done I want the next book out quick. But we’ll see; I tend to bite off more than I can chew as far as writing fiction goes and I would really like to break that habit.

But yeah. Hopefully this isn’t just a one-off thing, and I’m at least approaching the horse properly, if not back on it altogether. 2016 has been a garbage year so far. Time to see if we can’t salvage what’s left.

YAY MATERIALISM

On August 25, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn Parenting, Politics2 Comments

The real bullshit about this picture is that 1) it in no way really captures the level of utter chaos my living room has descended into, while simultaneously capturing perfectly the horror that is my living room carpet; and 2) I cleaned the room when I got home yesterday. The boy turned 5 on Tuesday and spent all day Sunday acquiring new toys from various and sundry relatives and friends; last night, we took him to the local Toys-R-Us to spend a couple of gift cards and some birthday cash he got.

We, uh, probably should have parceled that shit out over a couple of months or something. Dude has so many new presents that he hasn’t even taken everything out of the packaging yet, and what with how kids’ toys are packaged nowadays our recycling bin is already overflowing with over a week left until they come pick it up again. Today is my day off and I’m hiding in the office rather than dealing with the mess; he probably ought to at least help and I just don’t have any Goddamn idea where to put any of the crap anyway.

tl;dr I am fortunate enough that my kid having too many people who love him and want to give him stuff is a problem.

Note that I am not unaware that every single book on a shelf behind all those toys is mine. He’s a kid; he’s gonna take as many toys as he can get people to give him. I have no excuse for the vast quantities of crap I’ve accumulated over the years. The difference is I have places to put my shit.

Oh and also I pay for the mortgage so shut up.

I have, in general, been mostly trying to avoid writing about the election here, which accounts for some, but not all, of the shorter posts lately– if my options are “write about the election” and “not write much” I’ve been choosing the latter far more often than the former, especially since I have Twitter to be militant on anyway. But this story is too insane to be believed– that Donald Trump’s political organization is so insanely incompetent that, with the rest of today and one business day until the deadline on Monday, Trump isn’t on the ballot in Minnesota yet.

Take a minute and think about how utterly shit you have to be at running things for that to happen. And people are going to vote for this hairsack. I mean, I know, I get it– he’s not actually interested in being president and the whole campaign is a grift. He has no campaign staff, no boots on the ground, no organization, no nothing. He’s not really running. I know. But shit, he’s not even trying to look like he’s taking this seriously.