In which I might have been wrong once four and a half years ago

You may be aware that four and a half Goddamn years ago I wrote a review of a stupid movie that I did not enjoy. That movie was called Snowpiercer. I’m not linking to the review, at least not in the text of this post; I’m sure it’ll show up at the bottom somewhere. That post has proven since then to be The Post That Will Not Die. There has been one– ONE day in the four and a half years since it was written that no one clicked on it. It is my second highest-traffic post of all time (it will cross 30,000 pageviews sometime this month) and it is the #1 Google result in the world for the phrase “Snowpiercer stupid.”

It’s been spiking again lately, going from 3-5 hits a day to 20-25 for the last couple of weeks, and whenever that happens I wonder why. This was a not-very-high-profile bad movie from six years ago, for Christ’s sake, and I don’t understand why people are still searching out bad reviews of it. Well, it turns out there’s news about a TV series, which … dandy. This is never going away.

And then I found this video in the comments on that post. And I have chosen to embrace its central thesis fully, and I officially take back everything I ever said about Snowpiercer, if and only if it turns out that it is true that it is a direct sequel to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Yeah, that’s what I said.

Watch every second of this, please. Don’t watch Snowpiercer, but watch every second of this video about it:

On AVENGERS: ENDGAME

I don’t think I’m actually going to review it. It’s possible I’ll change my mind, but right now it’s just not that high on my priority list. Go read John Scalzi’s review if you like, which is close enough to what I’d have said as to serve as an adequate substitute.

AVENGERS: ENDGAME non-spoiler review

Ha hahahahaha ha I haven’t seen it yet. If anyone has access to a time machine and wants to pop back to last night and take the tickets I bought three weeks ago you can have them. All hell sorta broke loose yesterday and the movie– and attending Laffycon this weekend– both had to be cancelled.

Long story short, the internet hiatus continues indefinitely at this point, but I figured if I didn’t post something about the movie someone would conclude that I must be dead and I don’t need that at the moment.

So. Yeah. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves about anything but superhero movies.

In which I withdraw

Going to try my damnedest to enforce a total internet blackout until I see Avengers: Endgame Friday night.

In related news, Avengers: Endgame comes out Friday night.

See y’all on the other side.

So Star Wars again

Is this … wider widescreen than usual? I’m thisclose to actually sitting down and comparing it to some previous teasers.

I have thoughts about this, but most of them are about how fucking tired I already am, and how much more tired the notion of another JJ Abrams Star Wars film makes me, so maybe I’ll share them for some other time or just put them on a shelf and not talk about them at all. For now I’m just going to point out that this thing exists and then go back to playing Mario Kart with my wife and kid.