In which I never get what I want

Honestly, today was set up pretty nicely to be an epic shitty day– the schedule was all fucked up because of an hour and a half long thing in the afternoon, so my kids ate lunch an hour and a half early, missed some classes, and went to others at different times, plus the whole “an hour and a half under the control of strangers” thing, so I was well and truly ready to be sick and tired of all of them by the end of the day.

And instead they did great at the thing and on top of that three different kids went out of their ways to let me know I was their favorite teacher today.

It’s like they know I’m thinking about leaving, the little bastards.

Gah.

Still tired

I dunno. I talked to the principal at The Other Building today, and I think it went well; in fact, I’m pretty sure that we’re clear so long as … well, so long as I decide to go, and assuming we can come to an agreement on salary. Now I just gotta decide if I want to go.

There were four fights in the building today. Four. I gotta do this.

Watch them give me a perfect Goddamn day tomorrow, the little brats.

I have an interview tomorrow

… for a job I’m pretty sure I don’t want, but I have an interview. I was originally looking at two other schools and I just sort of quietly stopped worrying about one of them; technically I sent the last email and haven’t heard back from the principal yet and oh well. I’m going to start the interview by acknowledging how conflicted I am about the whole thing and then we’ll go about the interview and we’ll see what happens next. Right now I don’t want to leave. Right now I am an idiot.

Also, I’ve just spent 20 minutes staring at the screen, so apparently I don’t have much to say tonight. I’ll let y’all know how it goes.

In which I don’t know what to do

As someone who cannot Art, this AI-art-generation phenomenon is completely fascinating to me; this is what the Wonder app came up with when I selected “Oil painting” and “very difficult decisions” as the prompt. Sometimes you get duds but I enjoy this one quite a bit.

Anyway, we lost two more teachers last week. Between the seventh and the eighth grade right now we have about six teachers. There are signs that downtown is starting to take our issues seriously but this game of chicken that everyone is playing is driving me slowly insane, and I just don’t know what to do if we, say, lose another language arts teacher, or if we end up down to one math teacher for the entire building, or whatever other bullshit might happen. I kind of think the folks who are likely to quit are mostly gone by now, but there are a couple that I’ve got an eye on.

And, well, I’ve got an interview on Tuesday and could potentially have a second soon too. And fuck me stupid if I didn’t get two good days in a row on Thursday and Friday and now I’m all oh, I can’t abandon these kids, wash wash blah blah blah. I fucking hate that I can’t make what is obviously the correct career decision, a decision I would have already made were I anything other than a teacher, and flee. And yet I had the whole weekend to finish the application for this other district and I haven’t done it yet. Because apparently I am a fucking moron. It’s not even goddamned October yet. This can still get so much fucking worse.

Well, this post ended up a little angrier than I thought it was going to be. Originally I was very much planning on Oh, I don’t know what to do and now I think I know what I’m going to do and I also know what I should do and I’m pretty sure those are two different things and I am making a stupid career decision again, and I am deeply, seriously, intensely angry with myself about it.

Meanwhile, this is my schedule tomorrow: Dentist appointment at 8:00 in the morning. Following that, go to school and do not teach first and second hour because my student observer is doing one of her mandatory lessons tomorrow. Then leave the building to go back to the doctor because, remember, I was injured breaking up a fight last week, spend however long that takes, then return to the building probably just in time for my prep periods and nothing else, because if I go home I have to take a half day and if I come back I basically don’t have to count the absence for anything since worker’s comp covers it. Remember that this building where I was just injured during a fight is the building that I feel like I can’t leave because waaah bjaaah the chiiiillllldrennnnn.

Fuck.

I got punched in the head today

I’ve been writing angry emails since I got home. There is a planned sick-out happening tomorrow that I have made it clear I’m not endorsing or participating in, we had to cancel a field trip today because there is no one to chaperone it, and we not only lost another teacher on Monday but we’ve had at least three leave mid-day and go home in the last two days. The building secretary wasn’t in the office at the end of the day either and I’m trying not to panic about that.

Also generated this document based on a secret meeting of the teacher leadership team this morning. There is supposedly a Big Meeting tomorrow morning with the principal– it is not going to go well– and this is what we’ve come up with to present:

Members of the TLT team met Wednesday morning to discuss the behavior and staff morale issues that we have been having lately.  As a team we make the following recommendations:

  1. That our highest staffing priority right now should be someone to cover ISS, even if that means pulling someone from downtown or a member of the administrative team, and at least one if not two social workers, possibly also pulled from other buildings with less severe needs and on a temporary basis.
  2. That we determine if any of our most disruptive, disrespectful or violent students are from outside (school’s) district, and promptly return those students to their home buildings.
  3. That swearing at a teacher be treated as a suspendable offense.
  4. That a parent conference be required for any suspended student prior to being allowed to return to class.
  5. That any student referred to the office on a disciplinary matter spend at least the remainder of that class period in ISS and not be returned to the teacher’s classroom.
  6. That the uniform policy either be enforced or abandoned.
  7. That the “four level ones” policy in the Shared Rights and Responsibilities document be abandoned, as well as any other language impeding our ability to keep our classrooms and building under control, until such time as the building is under control.  The only thing this is teaching students is that there are no consequences for their actions.

We’ll see how any of this goes. I’m not kidding about getting punched in the head; I broke up a fight and it led to me taking a couple of wild shots to the head as the kid I was holding back tried to get to the other kid. Saw the nurse, got my bleeding hand bandaged up (didn’t even feel that happen) and filed a police report. Then got an email from the dean of students that that kid’s dad was insisting that we all provide her work for the next five days by the end of the day tomorrow.

You can probably imagine how well that went over. I haven’t had a prep period in over a week because I’ve been covering classes and I’ll be fucked dead by Asmodeus before I try to pull together five days of lessons for the kid who started the fight. Fuck you and fuck her, Dad.

I’m back on the job market; fuck this.