In which I withdraw

Going to try my damnedest to enforce a total internet blackout until I see Avengers: Endgame Friday night.

In related news, Avengers: Endgame comes out Friday night.

See y’all on the other side.

I’m just gonna rebrand the blog now

INFINITEFREETIME NO LONGER.  This blog is now called InfinitecomplaintsaboutAmazon.

Nah, not really.  But in the midst of all this nonsense about the goddamn books we ordered some boots and shoes for the boy, because apparently November is just too ridiculously late to do something crazy like walk into a store and buy boots.

(I feel less sorry for brick and mortar retail every time some shit like this happens.  It’s November.  We haven’t had real snow yet.  Leave some fucking boots on the shelves, you jackasses.)

Right, I forgot to complain about Amazon.  So, we couldn’t find boots at the shoe store nearest to our house, or the Target nearest to that shoe store, so we ordered him a pair of boots and a pair of new shoes, because why not do both at the same time and OH HEY you missed out on that sale too.  The boots got here the other day; all good.

The shoes got here today.  Now, this was one of those “fulfilled by Amazon” things, so Amazon isn’t directly responsible for this, but I opened the box and there was still a fucking ink tag on one of the shoes.

Come the fuck on, guys.  I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, and my appointment is near an actual Dick’s, so I’m gonna just swing by there with all my receipts and everything and see if they will remove the tag for me.  Alternately, we’ll just cut the fucking laces off and buy new ones.  I don’t have the damn energy to deal with a return right now.  

(Wonders how effectively the internet can help with removing the tag.)

Anyway.  The image up there isn’t there for any reason other than that I’m listening to Shimmy Shimmy Ya right now.  I am officially on Thanksgiving vacation, meaning that I don’t even have to think about any children other than the one that lives in my house for the next several days.   Virtual hunting is about to get way more important to my lifestyle than it used to be.  It turns out we’re not leaving town like we thought we were, so we’re hosting Thanksgiving, but we’re gonna keep shit simple.  The other four days of the weekend?  Relaxation, motherfuckers.  

Y’all do the same.  

I would say words, but…

…I’m limiting my Internet access as much as I possibly can until I’ve seen Infinity War tonight.  Yes, I know, this is my blog, and it’s difficult to imagine spoiling myself on my own blog, but the tendency is to websurf while I write, or at least monitor Twitter, and I can’t have that.

In particular, I have lots of things to say about the God of War reboot that just came out for PS4, but you’re going to have to wait a bit.

#2017 blogwanking

It’s that time of year again, where I pretend that people care about my site metrics even the teeniest little bit and waste time posting about them anyway!  You’re excited, right?

Okay, there’s a reason I’m posting this on Christmas Eve, nobody’s on the blog today anyway.  🙂 Onward!

Here’s overall traffic for the blog, organized by year:

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That’s… not super encouraging, obviously, and I’m pretty sure that if I hadn’t written a monster post at the end of 2015 (more on that later) we’d be seeing a steady decline since 2014.  Now, a lot of this year is my fault– I’ve not been engaging with other bloggers and I haven’t been posting as often, so traffic was bound to be down.  That 575 comments number is definitely something I’d like to see go up in the future; that’s not even two a day.  But hey!  Sixty-one thousand pageviews ain’t bad.  It’s not like I’m a celebrity or anything; I’m an idiot with a website.

The top ten posts written in 2017 were:

  1. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: MINI FORCE, 6,413 pageviews.
  2. #REVIEW: SLEEPING BEAUTIES, by Stephen King & Owen King, 276 pageviews.
  3. Betsy DeVos is a fucking worthless hack and so is her scumbag boss, 249 pageviews.
  4. KOKOMO-CON: The Cosplay, 236 pageviews, plus hundreds on the pictures.
  5. RIP, Sonya Craig, 186 pageviews.
  6. On refugees and Christianity, again, 174 pageviews.
  7. On “assassination porn” and stupid, stupid people, 169 pageviews.
  8. #metoo and me, 149 pageviews.
  9. May as well tell the whole world, 123 pageviews.
  10. On letting idiots make decisions for me, 118 pageviews.

…so, yeah.  Nothing that really set the world on fire, other than that MINI FORCE piece, and… well, prepare for a pattern on that.  I have no idea who the hell is reading the Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews series, but holy shit are those posts popular, except when they’re not.  The one on Pokémon that I wrote this year got nowhere, the one on Mini Force got six thousand pageviews.  Hell if I know.

The top ten posts of the year, regardless of when they were written, are:

  1. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: MINI FORCE, 6,413 pageviews, 6,413 pageviews overall.
  2. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: BOB ZOOM, 5,262 pageviews, 15,799 pageviews overall.
  3. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: OCTONAUTS, 3,045 pageviews, 9,068 pageviews overall.
  4. SNOWPIERCER: I hated, hated, hated, hated, HATED this movie.,  3,013 pageviews, 27,152 pageviews overall.
  5. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: SARAH & DUCK, 2,791 pageviews, 3,206 pageviews overall.
  6. In which I tell you how your religion works, 2,118 pageviews, 109,692 pageviews overall.
  7. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: COLOR CREW, 1,958 pageviews, 6,977 pageviews overall.
  8. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: CURIOUS GEORGE, 1,423 pageviews, 5,781 pageviews overall.
  9. In which I am still a bad student (pt. 2 of 3), 1,243 pageviews, 2,014 pageviews overall.
  10. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: Peg + Cat, 958 pageviews, 3,694 pageviews overall.

…I assume you may have noticed a theme.  Be aware that the next six highest posts for the year are also CCPR posts.  I don’t understand any of this, really; that Goddamn Snowpiercer post should not be still getting views but still does every single day (and remains the #1 Google result for the words “Snowpiercer stupid,”) and I’ve never understood the popularity of specifically #2 in that “Bad Student” series.  For comparative purposes, part one got 59 views this year, and part 3 got 67.  I think it has something to do with being a high Google result for searches that include the image at the top of the page, but why the hell that led to twelve hundred pageviews?  I dunno.

Clearly I need to just review kids’ shows all the time.  That’s obviously my niche.

OH I ALMOST FORGOT EDIT:  Geography!  Geography is fun.  Here are countries that have visited my blog this year:

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And here is the lifetime-of-the-blog chart.  Both are clickable to make ’em a bit bigger if you care to do so:

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Still missing: North Korea, Cuba, Turkmenistan, Western Sahara, Guinea, Liberia, Niger, Chad, the Central African Republic, South Sudan, Somalia, Eritrea, Gabon, Svalbard Island, and… Kosovo.  I have always suspected that for some unclear technological reason whatever software WordPress is using interprets hits from Kosovo as being from the neighboring countries, as they’re fairly well-represented, and none of the rest are especially surprising, as they’re either Communist dictatorships, tremendously poor, have essentially no people, or some combination of the three.

It is very cool to say that my stupid little blog has had visits from damn near every country on Earth, guys.

7 Days, 7 Black and White Pictures, no explanations

…I’m given to understand that I broke the rules on this little game at least once by including a picture of my son, so it’s possible that the Meme Police will be filing charges of some sort.  I think I’ll survive.  At any rate, I’ve been posting these on Instagram and Twitter and I figured I’d archive them here:

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