#WeekendCoffeeShare: I’ve Done Nothing edition

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If we were having coffee, it’s pretty likely that my inner misanthrope (who is not always as “inner” as he should be, let’s be honest here) would be on full display.   This has been a flatulent, flabby nothing of a week for me, and I’ve either been lazy as hell after an extremely busy Thanksgiving week and Black Friday weekend or showing symptoms of clinical depression or very possibly both.  There’s been a panic attack or two, and oh, I managed to get turned down for like seven different jobs this week.  One job turned me down twice!  One of the two “nope, not you” emails specifically referenced that they were looking for candidates who more closely fit the job requirements.

The job: mortgage closing agent.  The requirements: no experience, associate’s degree.  I am deep into a trap here, kids; I am not (on paper) qualified to do anything other than teach, despite being a versatile motherfucker with a ton of different skills who would be perfectly cromulent at a wide variety of different jobs.  So most jobs that are roughly equivalent to my current level of responsibility and pay require years of experience doing shit that I know how to do and I am capable of doing but do not have because I’ve been teaching instead.  For other jobs, they look at my resume and see someone who is clearly pushing forty if not there already and highly educated to boot (I have two Master’s degrees) and refuse to even talk to me because they assume, hell, I don’t know what they assume, but I’m unclear on the reason why someone would think I couldn’t do a job that asks for no experience and an associate’s degree.  The pay was even good!  What the hell?

So, yeah.  I’m at the point where I really need someone I know to go “hire this guy.”  The problem is everyone I know in town is a teacher, and I love y’all but teaching jobs is not what I need right now.  I did have one guy recommend me to his boss, and I applied for an open job, and he emailed me about salary requirements, but upon seeing what he was offering and realizing that there was absolutely no way I was going to make it through an interview where I’d need to pretend to be enthusiastic about training people to use insurance software we sort of both mutually declined to interview.

Which is probably desperately stupid on my part, because broke.  But that really was a job that I would be likely to flee at the earliest opportunity.

And I haven’t figured out how I get through the part of the job-search process where they contact my current employer and he says “Oh, that guy?  We forgot he existed, he hasn’t been at work since September.”  And, believe me, I had a couple reminders this week about why.

Sigh.

True fact: Neither of my eyes are actually closed in this picture.

I might change the conversation to beards after a while.  I’m growing my winter beard in at the moment, and it entertains me how every time I shave a beard off the next one grows in different.  This one– also something that won’t help me during a job interview, I suspect– is coming in Full Hobo, and my current look is not one that’s going to make “no, he’s not diagnosable with depression at all” be a thing people say about me.

It actually looks a lot cleaner than it is in that photo. I’d get the camera closer but then WordPress would probably shut the blog down for obscenity and this is really my only lifeline at the moment.  I can’t pull off that mid-twenties pretty guy 5 o’clock shadow look, so my only hope is to let it grow until it’s long enough to not look shabby, and we are in Utter Shabby at the moment.

After all that fun shit if you were still bothering to sit near me I might start discussing stories.  I had this weird half-hallucinatory falling asleep process last night– not drug-induced, I promise; this was created by comfy— and I came up with like a dozen new stories to write, several of which I still remember and have dutifully dumped into my Loose Ideas folder in Wunderlist.  Other than the #FridayFictioneers piece I got no fiction of any kind written last week, and I’ve legitimately got more on my plate than I can handle at the moment, so it was kind of weird that my brain spent a couple hours tossing “This!  And this!  And THIS!” at me.  Maybe, brain, when I’m sitting in front of a computer websurfing for hours and pretending to write, you let me work on one of those several stories?

Crazy.  I know.

No one’s ever having coffee with me again, are they?


Also: I love you guys, but do me a favor and refrain from trying to cheer me up/offering messages of support in comments. My brain is weird. Venting about this shit on my blog is how I deal with it, and heartfelt “It’s going to get better, we promise!” types of messages, for some reason, frequently somehow actually make the depression and anxiety worse, for reasons that are not at all clear to me.  Make fun of me.  Yell at me for being whiny.  Believe it or not, the way my brain works, that’ll actually be BETTER.

Oh, and if you happen to be in northern Indiana and need an employee, maybe tell me that too.  

26 thoughts on “#WeekendCoffeeShare: I’ve Done Nothing edition

  1. Good luck with finding a new job! Maybe you can teach, but in a different setting? Tutoring small groups, helping out with homeschooled kids? Just a thought…
    Online teaching via Skype (ok I am giving advice that I myself need yet to follow…)

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    1. I have two “live” applications out right now, that I haven’t heard back on yet, and one of them fits that description– and, believe me, if I were to get that job, I’d be the most excited MFer on the planet. Most other tutoring types of positions are incredibly low-pay, unfortunately.

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  2. Beard looks okay, but I beg of you not to go hipster grizzly Adams look. Cannot stand that unkempt long grizzle, just me, just saying. But beards are a positives for jobs lately so rock on facial hair, the kept, styled, and tended sort of course.
    Best of luck with the job hunt. I understand how it, well, sucks.

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    1. I literally don’t think I could make my facial hair do that. I could grow out a really long goatee if I wanted to, but I’ve never been able to get the fullness on the sides that a True Bearded Man would need. And I apparently have a narrow upper lip or something, too, because I’ve never been too happy with my mustache. Vandyke 4 lyfe, I guess.

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  3. Here’s some whiny shit back at ya. Ditto the job problem except that my hubby is boss of the very place I am singularly qualified to work in. He can’t help me get a job because nepotism. And I think I’m now being discriminated against. so now I’m applying for jobs outside our home state because no one wants to employ me here. (With a frickin PhD and amazing teaching evaluations, top 3% of the university). To top it off, he got a pay rise while I can’t even get a part time teaching position for something I could do in my sleep. I am so miserable. So I’m painting the house because I’m so bored and angry I’m likely to become extremely self destructive.

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  4. Everyone needs to rant about jobs and interviews. I’ve had 3 in the past couple of months. I f’ed them all up. I feel stuck in a job I absolutely hate, and no transferable skills to anything thing else. It’s a job at least, I guess.
    Good luck with the hunt.

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  5. It’s the time of year that they are probably hiring Santa Clauses. With your winter beard and need to work who knows…
    At least you are one up on me with Friday Fictioneers. I have had not a thought come into the brain for the last two photographs. Creative is not my middle name but I cannot even think of something non-creative.

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  6. “Cromulent”? That’s an important sounding word.
    And don’t forget about Just For Men Beard and Mustache color. It’ll ungrizzle you. At least for a while.

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  7. If you were one of the three significant men in my life (husband and two grown sons) I’d say to you…Lighten up, Francis! (Bonus points if you know the source of that line.) And if you’re like them, my saying that to you would piss you off. But really, stop whining. Get out there and find something fun and free to do with your infinite free time. Volunteer somewhere. Or if that’s not your thing, check out Meetup.com in your city and find a group to join that interests you. Putting yourself out there with people in friendly non-job-interview situations might just give you some new leads if you take the time to meet people and be interested in them (don’t lead with your job situation, don’t whine to them, just be a good listener at first–be interested in THEM). Then good things might start to happen.

    Just to be clear, I would NEVER speak like this to a total stranger, nor would I offer such advice to an acquaintance. BUT…you freaking asked for it! Now get out there!

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  8. Job hunting after teaching is a pain in the ass. Especially when you’re already feeling low.

    On a totally other note, Star Wars is out in less than 2 weeks, which is A Happy Thing.

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  9. What? Do you really think you scared any of us away from coming back for more coffee? Not me. I’m pretty sure no one else, either.

    I hope something comes up in the job department.

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  10. Luther. I’ve been there with people waving their magic wands and ended up fuming. No one has a crystal ball and I’m quite pleased mine was faulty over the last couple of weeks. I wasn’t looking on the bright side but I was prepared and that is important too. That comment will make more sense when you pop round for coffee at my place.
    My husband has a beard and let’s it grow wild when we go skiing for insulation. A friend of mine was an extra in Great Gatsby and had to grow his beard and wasn’t allowed to cut it for awhile. It was huge. They apparently wanted to cut it in a style from the times.
    I found a really good post on beards awhile back which mentioned that beards were historically thought to filter out germs. interesting!
    You’ll also notice that my daughter gained a mustache at the school fete. She looks very cute.
    Thanks for the coffee xx Rowena

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