Speaking of noooooooope…

So, remember a couple of weeks ago when I said I was applying for a teaching job?  That wasn’t quite true, at least in the strictest sense of the word “teaching.”  It was a job, in a school, that would involve occasionally interfacing with kids but which seemed, from the description, to actually mostly involve backing up teachers and being a resource for them rather than a job where I was in front of a classroom all day.  I messed around with my work schedule a bit this week after getting a couple of emails from the HR director, who indicated there would be an informational meeting at the school that it might be useful to come to.

(I’m leaving out a lot of details, obviously; this program involves a pretty substantial infusion of money and is a new thing for the school to the point where renovations are happening in the building right now for it, so the idea that they’d invite people who are applying for the job to this informational meeting makes more sense than you might think– the building staff was also invited.)

So.  Yeah.  I went to the meeting.  There were maybe a dozen staff members present and at least three people who were there because they were applying for the same job I was– me and two others, in other words.

The lack of buy-in from the staff was a physical force in the room, and the sinking feeling that started moments after the presentation began never really got any better.

I happened, after the meeting was over, to walk out of the building with one of the other two applicants.

“Was that job what you thought it was when you applied?” I asked.

“Not even a little bit,” she said.  And she didn’t say “You can have it,” but it was pretty damn clear she didn’t want it any longer.

They are actually looking for two people to fill this job, who will both be in the new facility at all times.  Along with sixty kids.

Sixty.  At once.

Three blocks a day, of– lemme say it again– sixty kids.  Seventh and eighth graders.  In a program that, in my professional opinion, is a massive waste of time and resources if they’re going to treat it as a class that you get a grade for.   In a nicely renovated, brand-new space featuring two load-bearing walls in the middle of the Goddamn room that cannot be moved and guarantee that there will be no place where a single teacher can stand and see all of his or her students.

So.

oh-shi

#2017 blogwanking

It’s that time of year again, where I pretend that people care about my site metrics even the teeniest little bit and waste time posting about them anyway!  You’re excited, right?

Okay, there’s a reason I’m posting this on Christmas Eve, nobody’s on the blog today anyway.  🙂 Onward!

Here’s overall traffic for the blog, organized by year:

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That’s… not super encouraging, obviously, and I’m pretty sure that if I hadn’t written a monster post at the end of 2015 (more on that later) we’d be seeing a steady decline since 2014.  Now, a lot of this year is my fault– I’ve not been engaging with other bloggers and I haven’t been posting as often, so traffic was bound to be down.  That 575 comments number is definitely something I’d like to see go up in the future; that’s not even two a day.  But hey!  Sixty-one thousand pageviews ain’t bad.  It’s not like I’m a celebrity or anything; I’m an idiot with a website.

The top ten posts written in 2017 were:

  1. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: MINI FORCE, 6,413 pageviews.
  2. #REVIEW: SLEEPING BEAUTIES, by Stephen King & Owen King, 276 pageviews.
  3. Betsy DeVos is a fucking worthless hack and so is her scumbag boss, 249 pageviews.
  4. KOKOMO-CON: The Cosplay, 236 pageviews, plus hundreds on the pictures.
  5. RIP, Sonya Craig, 186 pageviews.
  6. On refugees and Christianity, again, 174 pageviews.
  7. On “assassination porn” and stupid, stupid people, 169 pageviews.
  8. #metoo and me, 149 pageviews.
  9. May as well tell the whole world, 123 pageviews.
  10. On letting idiots make decisions for me, 118 pageviews.

…so, yeah.  Nothing that really set the world on fire, other than that MINI FORCE piece, and… well, prepare for a pattern on that.  I have no idea who the hell is reading the Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews series, but holy shit are those posts popular, except when they’re not.  The one on Pokémon that I wrote this year got nowhere, the one on Mini Force got six thousand pageviews.  Hell if I know.

The top ten posts of the year, regardless of when they were written, are:

  1. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: MINI FORCE, 6,413 pageviews, 6,413 pageviews overall.
  2. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: BOB ZOOM, 5,262 pageviews, 15,799 pageviews overall.
  3. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: OCTONAUTS, 3,045 pageviews, 9,068 pageviews overall.
  4. SNOWPIERCER: I hated, hated, hated, hated, HATED this movie.,  3,013 pageviews, 27,152 pageviews overall.
  5. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: SARAH & DUCK, 2,791 pageviews, 3,206 pageviews overall.
  6. In which I tell you how your religion works, 2,118 pageviews, 109,692 pageviews overall.
  7. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: COLOR CREW, 1,958 pageviews, 6,977 pageviews overall.
  8. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: CURIOUS GEORGE, 1,423 pageviews, 5,781 pageviews overall.
  9. In which I am still a bad student (pt. 2 of 3), 1,243 pageviews, 2,014 pageviews overall.
  10. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: Peg + Cat, 958 pageviews, 3,694 pageviews overall.

…I assume you may have noticed a theme.  Be aware that the next six highest posts for the year are also CCPR posts.  I don’t understand any of this, really; that Goddamn Snowpiercer post should not be still getting views but still does every single day (and remains the #1 Google result for the words “Snowpiercer stupid,”) and I’ve never understood the popularity of specifically #2 in that “Bad Student” series.  For comparative purposes, part one got 59 views this year, and part 3 got 67.  I think it has something to do with being a high Google result for searches that include the image at the top of the page, but why the hell that led to twelve hundred pageviews?  I dunno.

Clearly I need to just review kids’ shows all the time.  That’s obviously my niche.

OH I ALMOST FORGOT EDIT:  Geography!  Geography is fun.  Here are countries that have visited my blog this year:

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And here is the lifetime-of-the-blog chart.  Both are clickable to make ’em a bit bigger if you care to do so:

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Still missing: North Korea, Cuba, Turkmenistan, Western Sahara, Guinea, Liberia, Niger, Chad, the Central African Republic, South Sudan, Somalia, Eritrea, Gabon, Svalbard Island, and… Kosovo.  I have always suspected that for some unclear technological reason whatever software WordPress is using interprets hits from Kosovo as being from the neighboring countries, as they’re fairly well-represented, and none of the rest are especially surprising, as they’re either Communist dictatorships, tremendously poor, have essentially no people, or some combination of the three.

It is very cool to say that my stupid little blog has had visits from damn near every country on Earth, guys.

Some old-fashioned blogwanking

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That number, 9928.  It bothers me.  It is close to 10,000, and yet it is not 10,000.  In fact, a fair observer might rightly claim that it is less than 10,000.

I assume that you know what to do.

WordPress Year in Blogging

…not a whole lot that I didn’t say earlier today, but it’s right here.  Have you gotten yours yet?

Top 10 Posts of 2015

Scalzi did his list today, which reminded me that I haven’t done mine. See if you notice a theme here.  Asterisks are next to posts that weren’t written this year:

  1. In Which I Tell You How Your Religion Works (105,278 views)
  2. SNOWPIERCER: I hated, hated, hated, hated, HATED this movie (12,925 views) (*)
  3. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: BOB ZOOM (3,653 views)
  4. In which the kids are fine, shut up (2,921 views) (*)
  5. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: OCTONAUTS (2,623 views)
  6. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: CURIOUS GEORGE (2,158 views) (*)
  7. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: COLOR CREW (1,642 views) (*)
  8. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: PEG + CAT (1,197 views) (*)
  9. In Which My Kid is Weird as Hell (1,193 views) (*)
  10. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: BUSYTOWN MYSTERIES (876 views) (*)

All but three of those are connected to children’s shows, since the Weird as Hell bit is actually about Curious George.  Clearly I need to adapt the blog and just talk about kids’ TV all the time, because it gets ridiculous traffic when I do.  The Kids are Fine was Freshly Pressed in January, and we all know about the damn Syria and Snowpiercer posts.

Most of those, you’ll note, are from previous years.  If I restrict this to only posts written in 2015, here’s the list:

  1. In Which I Tell You How Your Religion Works (105,278 views)
  2. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: BOB ZOOM (3,653 views)
  3. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: OCTONAUTS (2,623 views)
  4. Blood Transfusions Don’t Work Like That: A Review of MAD MAX: FURY ROAD (787 views)
  5. STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS is a miserable, wonderful mess of a movie: a spoiler-filled review (464 views)
  6. In Which I Refuse to Shut Up:  A Response to Delilah Dawson (391 views)
  7. How to Launch Your New Book: Everything I Know (361 views)
  8. Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews: PINGU (319 views)
  9. GUEST BLOG: I watched Jessica Jones, and My Hands Froze, by James Wylder (299 views)
  10. In Which I am Way Ahead of Myself (242 views)

This is a teeny bit more diverse, adding a couple of movie review posts and a few about writing; the #9 post, not written about me, was about television and responding to/dealing with trauma, and is probably the most important of the ten.  The only one I don’t really get was #10, which basically benefited from being written the same day as the Syria post and got a lot of secondhand attention as a result.

Tomorrow or the day after, general 2015 blogwanking, and probably a saleswanking post not long after that.  This was a really interesting year.

Hey, just wondering

Who else is super excited about getting their end-of-the-year report from WordPress?

In which I have no idea where I am or what’s going on

As of a couple of days ago, it’s been a solid two months since I managed anything like the work schedule I’ve grown accustomed to over the last 15 years, and as of right now it’ll be another two before I’m officially supposed to return.  Last weekend my brother and his fiancée were in town along with my best friend and we had Thanksgiving with my family a week early.  My son is on Thanksgiving break, and he’s home with me right now.

What this means is that I am a complete mess in terms of knowing what day of the week it is or when I’m supposed to be doing what or basically anything else.  I wrote the headline to this piece before I actually started it and I swear it was originally a #WeekendCoffeeShare post, meaning I thought it was bloody Saturday.
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Thursday/Tomorrow is Real Thanksgiving, which will be celebrated with my wife’s family, and Friday through Sunday I’ll be at Starbase Indy in, well, Indianapolis.  I won’t be able to go anywhere or do anything tomorrow, though, so anything I need to buy or print or get done for Friday actually needs to be done today because everything righteous will be closed tomorrow.

That’s not helping.

So, yeah, today’s a weird day, and I have absolutely no idea what’s going on with my life right now.  I’m hoping the week after Thanksgiving holds a bunch of good news, but I’m not talking about that until it happens.

In other news, the Syria post had 10,316 views yesterday.  Remember when I was kvetching a little bit that it didn’t look like I’d get as many views this year as last year and that I really wanted 100K out of this year?  That post has been live for about exactly a week (within half an hour) as I’m typing this and it’s had 29,445 views, so so much for worrying about that.  It’s finally starting to show some signs of slowing down, and tomorrow is a major national holiday, so right now I’m guessing yesterday was the peak, but we’ll see what happens.

Much more to do today, so we’ll talk later.

In which my diamond shoes are too tight

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Damn post is wrecking my graphs.

It is Monday, which makes me feel like the traffic on the Syria post has got to slow down today, but the numbers so far show me differently.  On Saturday, I had 200 pageviews when I woke up in the morning and 500 by noon; on Sunday, 500 when I woke up and 1000 by just after noon, and today I had a thousand by 8:00 in the morning.  It’s 8:44 as I’m typing this.   That picture’s less than five minutes old and it’s 50 hits out of date already.

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This may end up too small to read, but look at that nonsense.  That 468 hourly high is after I went to bed, and I went to bed around 10:30, which means we had like ten straight hours of 350-400 hits per hour yesterday.  There should be a lull in the bell curve around midafternoon, and it ain’t there.  And that early-morning dip is probably still around 100-15o an hour.

The goddamn thing’s gonna catch and pass the Snowpiercer post today.  In six days.  Insanity.

I keep waiting for a troll invasion; I’ve stomped on one post where the person referred to “unvetted” refugees, demonstrating clearly that he had no idea how the refugee process actually works at all, and there have been a couple that I’ve laid a stinkeye on but have left alone.  I’ve made one alteration to the text where a mistake was pointed out and left another alone although I probably ought to edit it a bit.  I’m considering turning off comments today just because I legitimately have a shitton to do (this is my only day without the boy all week) and I don’t know how much time I have to wait for the racist hordes to land on my head.

Another interesting fact: Facebook continues to be just about the sole source for referrers.  You’d think that someone in there somewhere would have dumped the thing onto Zite or StumbleUpon or Reddit or something, but so far this is a Facebook party.  Which could be why I’m not seeing too many trolls; maybe they’re all staying on FB and yelling at people there.  Who knows.

(8:56 AM:  1318 views, meaning the post got 116 views in the less than fifteen minutes it took to write this.)