So I discovered today that I can’t handle Costco. I’ve never been in one before, and one just opened nearby, and my mom and wife wanted to go, so I tagged along. I’ve never in my life had such a visceral negative reaction to a store before. I hated the place– from the fact that there aren’t any damn signs anywhere (even the bathrooms aren’t labeled) to the fact that the place where you walk in is nowhere near any registers to the utter fucking randomness of the layout– within a 15-foot radius you could find housewares, fresh seafood on ice, liquor, and piles of leather jackets, an item that should never be in a pile. I’d had enough after five minutes and told Bek and my mom that I’d be in the car; I had my phone with me to keep me entertained so they could take as long as they wanted.
On the way back to my car, it hit me just how much the place is like a casino. No signs, no markers, everything is set up to disorient you and keep you lost and wandering. And the $50 a year fee for the right to shop there as the icing on the cake. No thanks; I’ve had enough naked capitalism lately and this place, despite having a stellar reputation for how they treat their employees, is one of the most grotesquely capitalist places I’ve ever had the misfortune of entering. And I’m not even generally that down on capitalism, although it does get worse this time of year; it should be noted that the very next thing I did after leaving Costco was go to Best Buy and buy a new iPad. But, still… guh. If a store is going to try and manipulate my behavior I’d prefer it if it wasn’t so goddamned obvious. I don’t give a damn how cheap their diapers are, I’d rather go to fucking Wal-Mart, and I have literally never before in my life said the words “I’d rather go to Wal-Mart.”
Actually, that’s not true, because I still won’t be going to Wal-Mart. But walking into a Wal-Mart doesn’t immediately give me the creeping screamers the way Costco did. And note that all this is before we get to the fact that it was the second Saturday the place had been open and it was crammed full of filthy, stinking humanity. I’d have hated it empty; the people had nothing to do with it.
So. I’m crabby today, is the point. How’re you?


