In which I am full of contradictions

2ee9ed34a79f594acf89e040d8ef8b76976c1c72c2cf9295ef124a59c2b65ed9So I discovered today that I can’t handle Costco.  I’ve never been in one before, and one just opened nearby, and my mom and wife wanted to go, so I tagged along.  I’ve never in my life had such a visceral negative reaction to a store before.  I hated the place– from the fact that there aren’t any damn signs anywhere (even the bathrooms aren’t labeled) to the fact that the place where you walk in is nowhere near any registers to the utter fucking randomness of the layout– within a 15-foot radius you could find housewares, fresh seafood on ice, liquor, and piles of leather jackets, an item that should never be in a pile. I’d had enough after five minutes and told Bek and my mom that I’d be in the car; I had my phone with me to keep me entertained so they could take as long as they wanted.

On the way back to my car, it hit me just how much the place is like a casino.  No signs, no markers, everything is set up to disorient you and keep you lost and wandering.  And the $50 a year fee for the right to shop there as the icing on the cake.  No thanks; I’ve had enough naked capitalism lately and this place, despite having a stellar reputation for how they treat their employees, is one of the most grotesquely capitalist places I’ve ever had the misfortune of entering.  And I’m not even generally that down on capitalism, although it does get worse this time of year; it should be noted that the very next thing I did after leaving Costco was go to Best Buy and buy a new iPad.  But, still… guh.  If a store is going to try and manipulate my behavior I’d prefer it if it wasn’t so goddamned obvious.  I don’t give a damn how cheap their diapers are, I’d rather go to fucking Wal-Mart, and I have literally never before in my life said the words “I’d rather go to Wal-Mart.”

Actually, that’s not true, because I still won’t be going to Wal-Mart.  But walking into a Wal-Mart doesn’t immediately give me the creeping screamers the way Costco did.  And note that all this is before we get to the fact that it was the second Saturday the place had been open and it was crammed full of filthy, stinking humanity.  I’d have hated it empty; the people had nothing to do with it.

So.  I’m crabby today, is the point.  How’re you?

Well, that was fail

Two things:

  1. Are trench coats out of style now?  I thought trench coats were for old people and old people don’t have style for things to go out of.  Have I been misinformed?  (I did find one I liked.  It was $450.  HmmmmmmNO.)
  2. I found a hat whose style I liked and placed it on my head. An approximation of how it looked:

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I checked the size:  XXL.  I am starting to wonder why it is that children who see me do not scream in fear and run away, because apparently I have the largest head in the universe.

On the plus side, the Apple Store replaced my frayed Lightning cable for twenty-five cents. I did not have the energy to even look for shoes.  So: Fail.

About to go shopping

I need a grown ass man hat, a coat I can wear over a suit, and possibly a new pair of shoes.

I am not looking forward to one single second of the next couple of hours.

Face to face job interview tomorrow…

…on less than 24 hours notice, so you KNOW it’s District Four. Which means I need to buy a suit. Tonight.

You can probably imagine that “buy a suit” is totally my favorite thing to do.

Totally.

In which my decisions confuse me

imagesI can’t recall a specific post, but I have to have talked about my distaste for ebooks in some capacity during some point in the (very nearly!) year I’ve been writing here.  I have thousands of books.  I love books– and I love books as physical objects, not as a carrier device for stories.

I got my wife a Kindle for either Christmas or her birthday several years ago, back when the damn things cost $300 and that sounded reasonable.  I bought it, but I refused to touch it.  I disliked the concept of e-readers that much.  I’ve softened since then; I do a decent amount of reading on my iPad, but I do a specific kind of reading on my iPad– mostly short stories or novellas or, occasionally, magazines; i.e., things that either aren’t available in print or that don’t store well.  And it goes without saying that The Benevolence Archives(*) simply would never see the light of day as a printed book; there’s no way to price it that would be both fair and profitable.  Ebooks are awesome for shorter works.  A freaking comic book costs $4 nowadays; you can’t get a 116-page document at that price.

Anyway.  It’s occurred to me in the past few days that since I’m literally trying to derive income from the Kindle’s existence nowadays, maybe it might behoove me to, y’know, own a Kindle.  So I looked into them a bit and today, being the type who really doesn’t like buying technology (or, really, much of anything) online, I swung by Best Buy on the way home to look at Kindles.

Maybe you don’t know this; I didn’t:  there are three basic flavors of the Kindle in existence.  The baseline is just called a “Kindle,” has a black and white screen, and retails for around $70.  Then there’s the “Kindle Paperwhite,” which has a screen (and front light) that is apparently vastly upgraded from the Kindle and, in general, looks like a more reputable piece of kit, which retails for around $120.  Then there’s the Kindle Fire, which has a larger screen, four times the memory, is in full color, and can access the Web and do a whole host of other stuff… for $120.

Here’s where I’m weird:  I have no desire for a Kindle Fire at all.  I have an iPad for everything the Kindle Fire can do.  I do a lot of reading in bed and the iPad is just a wee bit unwieldy for that.  The screen improvements of the Paperwhite appeal to me.  But I can’t find a reason to pay $120 for a Paperwhite when another tablet with a bigger, color screen, with better functionality, is the same price.

Or, to be clearer: I didn’t buy a Paperwhite today because something else that I don’t want was the same price.

I’m not sure that’s sound reasoning.

Feel free to make fun of me in comments.  In fact, I encourage it.

(*) Buy my stupid book!

In which fa la la la la

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Having a busier day than I expected– I was out all afternoon with an old friend who is in town for Christmas, and now that I’m home I need to start dinner, oh, fifteen minutes ago to have it ready for the people who are coming over tonight.  So, yeah.  Minimal posting for the time being.  I hope your shopping’s done; I didn’t do any so I’m finished.  Which is the right way to do Christmas, if you’re curious.  Which I know you are.

Hopefully more later, but don’t hold your breath.  I have more of my bathroom to wreck after dinner.

In which oh hell no not right now

I had a great post planned for tonight, or at least parts of it; it has the potential to turn into one of those two- or three-day extended things.

Then I went on an emergency shoe-buying trip right after work– shut up that’s a thing— and now I’m going to go lie down for the rest of the night and hope that what really feels like it might be impending Hell Flu isn’t actually impending Hell Flu.

Universe: I do not have time for Hell Flu right now.

No.

If I don’t post tomorrow, assume I’m dead, and divide up my possessions amongst yourselves.  If, that is, you can find my house.

It begins

The good news:  It is 9:34 AM on Thanksgiving morning, and I am awake, dressed, showered, breakfasted, and ready to regulate.  One of my oldest friends is already here and we have six more people coming over later today.

The bad news:  my lovely wife, who is lovely and I love dearly, has only just now discovered that our roasting pan is insufficient for our turkey-roasting needs.  So I have to go get one.  And salt.

We somehow do not have salt.

I had the idea at one point that I was going to try to not spend money this weekend; I may as well go wait in line and buy a PS4 tonight.  Because this will not be the only thing.

Enjoy your holiday, y’all.  🙂