#WeekendCoffeeShare: Major Announcement Edition

On June 11, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn Stories17 Comments

newcoffee

If we were having coffee, I suspect you’d quickly notice that I was in an uncommonly good mood, at least compared to the last, oh, eight months. Because good news: I have a job. Or, at least, I’m back up to my usual three jobs from the two I’ve held since October.

What’s the job? Speaking broadly, sales. Slightly less broadly, retail sales, but relatively large-ticket items. It ain’t gonna be glamorous but I’ll be dressing nicer than I was at my last job and at least initially I really like the people I’ll be working with. And, most importantly, 1) I can delete the “jobs” and “school” folders from my bookmarks, a fact that filled me with much more pleasure than the simplicity of the act might imply, and 2) I am not in imminent danger of running out of money and causing my family to lose the house. Which… yeah, both of those are real good things.

This coming the same week as my brother’s wedding has me tentatively hopeful that 2016 is gonna drop the bullshit at least for a little while, but we’ll see.

Also! You’ve probably figured this out if you’ve actually visited the site in the last week or so, but I’m going to be at Indy Pop Con in Indianapolis over Father’s Day weekend. Specifically, Booth 722 in Artist’s Alley, which looks like a pretty primo location:

Screen Shot 2016-06-11 at 9.37.54 AM

I’m hoping those tables there are a common area of some sort and I’m not facing, like, the back of the food court or a stage or something. This location is either going to be great or it’s going to be godawful; we’ll see. At any rate: come see me next weekend! This will probably be my last con appearance of 2016– at least, it’s my last currently planned one, although there’s a chance of appearing at at least one local event in the fall. So I strongly suggest everyone reading this plan to run to Indy.

The conversation might turn to projects at this point, maybe, and we’d discuss how there are awesome hardwood floors under the disgusting, filthy pink carpet in my bedroom. I’m planning on tearing out all the carpet over the next couple of days; pictures when it’s done. Exciting! Also exhausting.

So, yeah, coffee buddy, it’s been a good week. 🙂 You can fully expect me to spend the week after the con whining about how I haven’t had to work a 40-hour week in forever and I’m so tired and waah waah waah and all that sort of stuff, so be glad you got to spend part of the morning with me before I had to reacclimate myself to a working person’s schedule.

Blogwanking: I Get Email edition

On June 9, 2016June 9, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn Blogwanking3 Comments

This showed up in my mailbox the other day:

Yes, HOW did you get your site to appear so high in google? How many years have you been building your blog and social media? Do you have any suggestions to increase traffic?

I have read and studied all the stuff, but didn’t know if you had any useful thoughts or insights since you have more experience.

This is interestingly timed, because while I’m currently in the midst of a post starting to go viral, 2016 has so far not been great for blog traffic for me, and book sales have been abysmal. Most months this year have been around 5500 pageviews, and an average day therefore somewhere in the 180 range. Compared to last year, even before I wrote the Syria post, that’s low.

The post about consent from Tuesday amassed 1900 views in its first 24 hours of existence, and as of right now, about 47 hours after writing it, it has 3251 pageviews and over a thousand shares on Facebook. So probably 60% of a typical month’s traffic, for this year anyway, in less than two days. It is, right now, actually growing slightly faster than the Syria post did. We’ll see if it shows the weird sine-wave behavior that that post exhibited, but for now it’s doing great and today is showing signs of being better than yesterday.

In the life of the blog, which I started in June of 2013, I’ve had one post go Freshly Pressed (which didn’t generate a lot of traffic outside of WordPress) and three that I can safely say have gone viral– the two I’ve already mentioned and the Snowpiercer post. Bewilderingly, the Snowpiercer post still is consistently in the top five posts every single day despite the fact that no one has watched that damn movie in months. It is still the top Google result for the words “Snowpiercer terrible.” It will probably hold that distinction forever.

How did you do it, you ask?

Hell, I dunno.

(Ducks, runs away)

Actually, no, that’s not quite true. While, again, the blog hasn’t been as successful so far this year, I know exactly why that’s been the case: because I’ve been boring. I am committed to posting every day around here, and I haven’t missed a day since December of 2014. Now, that has advantages: regular posting is critical to gaining and keeping an audience. But I’ve spent most of the past eight months sick, depressed, and unemployed, which has not made for astonishingly entertaining prose. It’s hard to have interesting things to write about when you don’t go to very many places and you don’t interact with people. And while previous blogs of mine have been very current-event/news focused, I’m currently happy with the amount of political content on the blog and, while it will ramp up a bit more as the election draws closer, I’m not looking to turn this into a current events blog. I could probably drive traffic up if I did, but that’s not what I want this place to be right now. I did that blog for five years during the Bush administration; it’s out of my system.

So here are some concrete suggestions for how to keep a blog running and generate traffic, with the obvious caveat that there are a lot of people who are a lot more successful than I am at it out there:

Write consistently. This doesn’t mean daily! But if you’re gonna post twice a week, post twice a week, and try to keep them on the same days. You don’t want a situation where people pop over looking for fresh content and can’t find anything.
Be entertaining and write well. I like to think I’m at least usually good at these things, but they’re essential one way or another. You can make a blog about whatever subject you want interesting so long as you write about it well.
Read and comment on other blogs, or at least spread some Likes around on WP blogs if that’s what you have. People tend to follow you back when you do that, and it’s a good way to get the next thing to happen:
Try and build yourself a community (or join one) with other bloggers. Facebook is good for this. So is Twitter, which is like 70% writers. I had a hunch the consent post was going to blow up; one of the first things I did was post it on a couple of FB groups I’m in and ask folks for a signal boost. This needs to be done sparingly, because it can annoy people, but if the piece is good and you’re not constantly asking, it can get good results.
As far as making specific posts blow up? Keep writing and eventually you’ll get lucky. That’s really all I can say, unfortunately. Viral posts are frequently a result of luck, good timing, good writing, and luck. Your first one will probably surprise you. I had no idea the Snowpiercer post was going to be as successful as it has been– frankly, it still amazes me. My Creepy Children’s Programming Reviews posts do better than they have any reason to. Other times you’ll get an inkling beforehand, like with the Syria post and the consent post. Sometimes you think something ought to blow up and it doesn’t. Keep writing. Something will pop sooner or later.
Did I say keep writing?
Because keep writing.

Any other suggestions, guys?

GUEST POST: Anonymous Annoyances, by Jennifer

On June 5, 2016June 1, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn StoriesLeave a comment

Today! Jennifer from Growing Toward the Sun.

I am supposed to be home today. I hope to God I didn’t call the bride by the wrong name yesterday.

milton-phone Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a problem with your insurance company, cable company or bank.

Now, raise your hand if you’ve ever resolved a problem with your insurance company, cable company or your bank.

Me neither.

I start out cautiously optimistic when I make the first customer service call and Phyllis from Blue Cross sounds completely competent. She assures me that my policy has been reinstated. Yeah right.

“Phyllis, are you sure? Because I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow,” I said.

Phyllis chuckles in response to my anxiety.

“Have you ever known an insurance company to run as anything less than a well-oiled machine?” she asked (in my head).

“Oh Phyllis, you’re such a card,” I retort (in my head).

But the next time I go to my doctor’s office and they won’t see me because my insurance was cancelled, I realize Phyllis is like all the rest. Making promises she can’t keep, knowing I will never ever ever ever get ahold of her again. Customer service agents are like burner phones. Their slogan is ‘One call and that’s all!’.

No accountability.

I reassure myself that everyone’s doing their best as I psych myself up for the next call. After all, growing toward the sun = assuming the best about people.

So the next time I call, I get a brand new person to tell my life story to. I always ask them if they can “look in the notes” to play catch up because I think that’s a thing, but they never act like it’s a thing. That’s fine, I tell myself, clean slate! This will be good.

I remind myself that:

1) this person is innocent (at least until you hang up and they screw you over, too) and

2) you need this person to help you and if you’re a jerk, they’re probably less inclined to do so

So I patiently explain to Travis that my policy has been canceled even though I paid my premium. Travis says he’s going to research the problem and call me back.

“Are you really going to call me back?” I ask, trust issues abound.

“Yes ma’am,” Travis answers.

WHATEVER TRAVIS.

“Can I get your extension in case I don’t hear from you?” I sounded like a thirsty first date trying to wrangle a second.

“No ma’am, unfortunately we don’t have extensions,” he replied.

Travis didn’t sound like he thought it was unfortunate. In fact, I’m willing to bet that this no extensions ruse is the only thing that keeps him showing up to the job each day. He hangs up and I’m some other chump’s problem.

And I bet he didn’t even put it in the notes.

GUEST POST: Three Things I’ve Learned about Criticism, by Desiree B

On June 2, 2016June 1, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn Work3 Comments

Our first “I’m at a wedding!” guest post is by Desiree B. of Inky Tavern. I probably haven’t even left yet, so look forward to a hotel room post later.

Also, “criticism” is the word that knocked me out of the city spelling bee in fourth grade. I’ve always hated that word.

criticism1 Criticism is like zits: inevitable and difficult to ignore.

Criticism can influence the way a person behaves or thinks. This is great when the piece of criticism you receive is meant to help you improve. However, it’s not-so-great when it’s meant to put you down.

Whenever I face criticism, I keep a few things in mind so that I don’t take them too personal.

(Before I start playing psychologist, I think it’s important to note that I am not one! These are just a few things that I’ve learned from my personal experiences.)

Don’t try to please everyone because criticism is subjective.

Do you like escargot? Classical music? Yodeling? Strawberry ice cream?

I guarantee there’s another person in the world that dislikes some (if not, everything) you like. Our individuality makes us unique and influences the things that we like or dislike.

Same goes for criticism.

I wrote a gleaming review on my blog for Mark Dawson’s The Cleaner a year or two ago. I then got a comment from someone who not only disliked the book, but also felt that I was an idiot for giving it any praise (don’t you just love the internet?).

If it has merit, take note. If not, don’t let it keep you up at night.

Trying to find worth in a piece of criticism is like a prospector trying to find diamonds in a clump of dirt. You have to separate the “filth” (things you took negatively) from what could be beneficial. This means putting your emotions on standby and engaging your intellectual self.

During my freshman year in college, my history professor criticized me for using too many lengthy quotes in my midterm paper. I took a deep breath and decided to see if he was right. Guess what? He was (there was one quote that took up a third of the paper—yikes!). Lesson learned.

Not all criticisms are like this. There are those that are the worthless ramblings of a bored and conceited person. So worthless that it’s not even worth stringing sentences together to explain or your precious mental energy to decipher.

Just wave them off as you would an annoying fly (remember that comment I told you about? I moved it into the trash bin).

What you mentally do with a piece of criticism is YOUR responsibility.

You can’t control what someone says or writes to you, but you can control how you process and respond to it. If you decide to get upset or cry over a piece of criticism—guess what? That was your decision. The person who criticized you can’t make you do or feel anything (unless they’re telepathic). You’re in control of those things whether you realize it or not.

Take my history midterm paper for example, I chose to approach my professor’s criticism in an analytical manner. I didn’t cry over it or secretly kill him in my novel (lol!).

So there you have it! The three truths (and lessons) that I’ve learned about criticism. While I can’t say that the way I deal with criticism will work for you, I can say that they may be worth keeping in mind. Who knows, maybe they’ll change your life.

In which lots to do today

On June 1, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn Blogwanking2 Comments

to do list.jpg I have guest posts set up for the next several days (and if you’ve sent me something but haven’t heard back yet, don’t worry, you’re in) but per my usual MO it’s extremely unlikely that I won’t find time to put some posts up while I’m running my brother’s wedding. At least some pictures. I’ve had a pretty full day already; I had a job interview this morning that I think/hope went quite well, and ran three or four other errands before coming back home and letting my wife run out to take care of the several errands she needs to do. Then packing and putting final touches on my speech and putting together the “final” version of the booklet I’ll be using to make sure I don’t call the bride by the wrong name or anything like that during the ceremony.

(Seriously. I’ve been having literal, no-bullshit nightmares about calling the bride by the wrong name. I may actually buy a gun today so that when that happens I can simply shoot myself on the spot before anyone else realizes what I’ve just said.)

I’ve also got fifty pages or so of beta reading/commenting to do for another author’s WIP that I am bound and determined to get off my plate before I leave. Oh, and my son finished preschool yesterday, so I’m dealing with lots of weird Dad moments where holy hell how is my kid old enough that he finished his first year of school. He’s actually repeating this year of preschool because he’s the youngest in his class (there are kids a year and a half older than him in there– even being held back a year, he won’t be the oldest next year) so I will not have a kindergartner next year, but it’s still weird to think he’s finished a year of Real School.

And it would probably be good if I could convince myself what day it is. As it worked out, my interview this morning was scheduled precisely when the place opened, so when I arrived fifteen minutes early it meant I had to cool my jets in the parking lot for a bit. I checked the posted hours and I swear to God it took a good two minutes to reconstruct what day it was. The boy being home isn’t helping; I’m convinced it’s a weekend.

So. Yeah. I should probably at least have some of my around-the-house stuff done by the time my wife gets home from her errands. I can check off blog post, I guess. Be nice to each other, y’all.

Anybody wanna do a guest post?

On May 28, 2016May 28, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn Blogwanking7 Comments

Short notice, I know, but: I’m out of town for my brother’s wedding Thursday through Sunday of next week. If anybody has anything laying around (or stuck in their brains) that could make a good guest post, either hit me up in comments or drop me an email.

Oh screw you

On May 25, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn Uncategorized8 Comments

Just aborted a job application in midstream when it became clear that they wanted me to take one of those godawful personality tests, where you have to Agree or Disagree, or worse, rate your level of agreement or disagreement with an ambiguous-ass, obnoxious statement like “Although I don’t let little things get to me, in a big project I can easily get stressed out.”

Here’s my answer to your personality test, guys: I have a perilously low tolerance level for bullshit, both my own and that of others, and the second you start making me parse shit like that alarms start going off and I decide very quickly that I don’t want to work for you. If that makes you not want me as an employee I’m good with it; I am absolutely certain that it is more your loss than mine.

(I am aware that they think these things represent something real or they wouldn’t do them. I’m also well within my rights to think that maybe a fifteen-minute phone interview will tell them more useful information about me than whatever bullshit data their test spits out. Fuck these things.)

Anyway.

Kitty passed all of her blood tests and was dropped off at the vet this morning for her dental surgery, so I’ve been staring at the phone waiting for the vet to call me and tell me everything went fine and she’s okay. One mistake I made: not actually bothering to ask when the surgery was. I headed straight over to them, cat in tow, after dropping the boy off at school this morning, and it didn’t occur to me until I was back in the car and heading home that just because they wanted her dropped off by 8:30 did not mean that they were going to immediately commence to yanking teeth out, nor do I really have any idea how long it might take to deal with a tooth abscess in a cat. I strongly suspect they’ll end up pulling more teeth than they initially thought, as she’s had not-great teeth pretty much forever and I’m sure they’re going to find something else in there they don’t like. I just hope to not be too completely broke when they’re done.

And also to have a healthy pet. That too.

Hmm. Last night as I was drifting off to sort-of-sleep I had a great idea for a politics post float through my head and I no longer remember a single word of it. I’ll update when I get the kitty back and if I remember what that was about I’ll toss that at you too. More later, in other words.

In which I need a new attitude

On May 20, 2016 By Luther M. SilerIn idiocy1 Comment

I feel like that video yesterday didn’t get enough attention, guys. That shit was genius, on a number of levels, and deserves to be appreciated properly. Go watch it. (And, to be clear, Child cleans Ramsay’s clock.)

I’ve been in either a towering rage or a pit for most of the last couple of days, and I’m really trying to find a way to shake the mood heading into the weekend. You may already have guessed that I didn’t get a call back from that job interview last week; I got a shot of confidence on Friday when my online resume, which on a typical day gets no traffic at all, got 27 hits from 3 viewers, two of whom Googled my name to find it. It got three more on Monday. The interview was last Tuesday and the interviewer told me I’d either get a call from him or an email from his assistant in “Oh, a week?”. We’re at ten days; I’m assuming that writing on the wall is as legible as I think it is at this point. So back to square one, again.

I’ve started applying for sales jobs, because fuck it– probably five or six of them in the last couple of days. We’ll see if that gets me anywhere. People need to sleep, right, and sit on things? And occasionally, like, place things on top of other things? Sure they do. I can sell shit. Why not.

The good news is that I think I’m going to blink and the next two weeks are going to evaporate. My brother’s wedding is June 4th, once I’ve recovered from that the primary election season finally ends on June 7th, and then I’m tuning politics the fuck out until the conventions. Or at least I’m going to try.