There is a very specific type of bad writing that I feel like we need a name for, and this couple of paragraphs from the book I’m currently reading may be the literal Platonic ideal of it:
I’m not going to name the book, but the sleuths and generically curious among you shouldn’t have a whole lot of trouble figuring it out.
- This is the wrong verb, in a way that would make Mark Twain’s eyelid twitch. One does not “snatch” a piece of paper that is sitting on one’s own desk.
- Also the wrong verb. I also kind of want to quibble about the use of the word “worn,” which implies age– “tattered” might work better here. That said, I think this is probably the point I’m most willing to argue about.
- A blockade “of sorts”? You’re surrounded by twenty thousand enemy troops. That’s a fucking blockade. Or, even better, a siege, which has the advantage of being the correct word.
- Two sentences ago you said the blockade happened “one night past,” and now they’re testing your defenses “each night.” You’ve got to be outnumbered thirty to one; what the hell could they be waiting for?
- How are the scouts getting past the twenty thousand enemy troops? Why do you need scouts when you’re fucking surrounded? Also, how the hell did this letter get past the siege in the first place?
- This is Capital One arena, which seats twenty thousand, in far tighter accommodations than troops besieging a fort would use. See note #5.
- This is a world where dragons exist. So do the Uraks themselves, who are basically tall orcs. “Monsters” really doesn’t tell me anything about what these “larger beasts” are.
- Why? Why in the world would you not believe them?
- I don’t think you will, sir, and you’re sending this letter because you don’t think you will either, so “No matter” is a really weird way to conclude this letter.
This book is six hundred and eighty pages long, and this type of thing is on nearly every page, although it’s quite a bit more concentrated than usual here. I’m going to finish the book today, because while the writing is … again, I need a word more descriptive than “terribad” here, the story itself is engaging enough to keep me interested. But god, man, find a better editor. You need the help.
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Dreadful?
Stuffed makes me twitch more than snatched. You might thrust something into a hand, but you do not stuff something into a hand.
You do not need urgent reinforcements. You need reinforcements urgently, or you are in urgent need of reinforcements.
Are they holding the blockade in the same hand stuffed with parchment? Holding a blockade of sorts sounds like an informal gathering — perhaps a hootenanny — rather than an organized military operation.
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Replying to my reply because my iPad got persnickety and insisted on posting before I was finished.
I am five chapters into dungeon crawling with Carl and Princess Donut. So far it’s fun, despite the alien-orchestrated apocalypse and hunger games-esque reality tvsocial media influencer aspects. Maybe it is the guy with a cat, a destroyed home, recently out of a relationship, but it reminds me of Starter Villain, and it is already WAY better than Starter Villain.
P.S. While most of today’s book buying happened at my local independent shop, I did go to B&N for The Outcast Mage, and I narrowly avoided having to interact with one of the aggressive cashiers.
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If you get to Outcast Mage before I do, let me know what you think. I caved on Carl, too, but I’m kind of ashamed of myself for some reason.
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I am about three quarters of the way through Carl, and I am not sure where the story if going or what the big developments might be. The structure up to this point has me concerned that the real purpose of the ending of this book will be to try to compel me to read the next one. Granted, it’s a series, but I don’t like being left in the middle of a big mess. Come on, act three. Show me what you got. Give me a reason to want to read the next book rather than being strong-armed into it if I want any resolution to anything.
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I didn’t like “stuffed” either but figured I’d quibbled enough about word choice. I’m inclined to let “urgent reinforcements” go because I feel like that’s something someone might actually say, and it’s a grammar mistake rather than using the word wrong.
I kind of want someone to pick a random chapter and go through the whole thing. I swear the first book wasn’t like this.
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AHA!! It’s a BookTok book!! Whatever the adjective form of booktok is, that is the word for this type of writing.
I don’t think I have read a booktok book which is not this flavor of bad writing. I don’t know for sure. I don’t tiktok or booktok, and I avoid the booktok displays and tables because I expect those books to be poorly written and barely edited and not for people for whom reading is a hobby or regular activity or way of life. I have probably read and enjoyed booktok books, but I would rather not know that a book is a booktok book going into it because either I won’t pick it up, or I won’t give it a fair chance because I am expecting it to be bad enough to warrant throwing it across the room.
Okay, done shouting on the internet. Back to reading and knitting.
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I’m not completely convinced I encountered this book on BookTok, but I can’t rule it out either. It’s a straight fantasy (in all senses of the word) not written by Brandon Sanderson so it’s more or less outside their understanding.
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