#WeekendCoffeeShare: Annoying Toddler Edition


If we were having coffee, we’d be doing it in short-sleeved shirts.  I don’t know if the sudden warming trend is a Midwestern phenomenon or if everybody’s seeing a spike in temperatures yesterday, but my yard was covered in a few inches of snow on Thursday and by the time my wife got home from work yesterday it was ALL gone and now the universe is made of mud.  We literally went from 20s to 60s in a matter of a few days.  And the zoo’s open today!  It’s going to be insanely crowded, but we’re going anyway.

Also a fun feature of yesterday’s weather: insane winds.  I spent all day working in the office and waiting for a tree to fall over, and the winds managed to rip a shingle off the roof, which I’m not completely sure how to fix.  Plus I don’t know how much weight your average roof is okay to handle (the Googles will probably help with this) and so I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to go up there myself to check it out.  No trees down, though, at least not near me.

(Considers Googling “Am I too fat to go on the roof?”)

If we were having coffee, I might kvetch about parenting a bit.  Tell the truth: how many of you have had the urge to bark the words “You’re four, what the fuck do you know?” at your kids at least once?  Because I was just informed that blueberry juice exists by a very small person with the unshakeable confidence of a serial killer.  And you know this how, person who can’t read?  Don’t get me wrong: I like four way more than I liked three, two, one, or especially zero.  But dammit boy I know better than you so shut the hell up.

(NOTE:  I am reasonably sure all kids do this, and one way or another this is a turnabout-is-fair-play moment.  One of my earliest memories is barking “It’s a sword holder!” at a friend of my mother’s who had just innocently tried to teach me the word scabbard.  This is the shit I’m talking about.  I’m sure all the parents have encountered it before.)

The plan for this week:  back to Sunlight, which got put aside so that I could frantically blast through writing a Benevolence Archives story that grabbed me by the throat and wouldn’t let go, and make some damn headway for an anthology story that I committed to months ago and have made a shamefully low amount of progress on.

Also maybe get a job.  That would be nice too.

How’re you?

11 thoughts on “#WeekendCoffeeShare: Annoying Toddler Edition

  1. Testing time! Aged three to four, my older daughter’s most used phrase was ‘You’re wrong!’ (it sent me insane). We thought she was headed to be a barrister, but she turned into a theatre director – similar, but much nicer and we get to watch the dramas, though we have to go to Chicago to do it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. fromthegutwriting

    I co-parent a 7-year-old, and I really need to start a running list of things she says that make me want to strangle her (until I remember that she is, in fact, exactly like I was at that age). Ha! Oh, parenting.


  3. We’re getting unseasonably warm weather here in eastern New Mexico, too. Yesterday morning the forecast was for a high of 89F today, but later they changed that to only (!) 81F. There’s got to be a mass of extra-cold-and-ugly air pushing all this warmer air in front of it, and I’m NOT looking forward to the return of winter for a few more weeks. We have a real “windy season” here (dust-storm season — the rust-red dust gets into EVERYTHING, and all the cool kids pretend they’re on Mars 🙂 ), but that isn’t until actual spring arrives.


  4. Weather here is unsettled. The sun is out but it is chilly out. But in an hour time it could be overcast. We had a sudden downpour yesterday. The mountains are getting snow instead of rain .I like the new logo very much. Itvis eye catching.


  5. Oh, man…I have a 6 year old and a nigh 2 year old…I hear ALL OF THAT. I decided long ago that all kids under 4 are basically just drunken frat boys (think about it for a minute…I’ll wait). But I have at least two or three times a week of shouting “YOU’RE ONLY 6, SHUT UP AND LISTEN!!!” in my head…or under my breath…or in the car when I’m alone.

    But yeah.

    Whiskey for your coffee?


  6. Great post.. I enjoyed reading about your weather (ours has been all over the place in VA too) and of your four year old. A~musing to say the least. Good luck with your writing projects!


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