This post probably could have just been a handful of Tweets, but I’d kinda like it a bit less ephemeral than that. First things first; I’ve talked, a couple of times, about some of the things about Penny Arcade that make it somewhat problematic for me to be a fan of theirs. That said, when Mike gets something right, he really gets it right, and you probably ought to read the piece he put up yesterday on his, and his son’s, issues with controlling anxiety.
Second: I am, as most of you full well know, currently on medical leave due to (primarily) anxiety issues. I’m taking Clonazepam after having a genuinely shit reaction to the Lexapro I initially started on.
Every so often, I catch myself feeling like I’ve managed to pull a con on somebody. Not often, but it happens. This got you on medical leave? Really? Because most of the time, I’m fine. It’s the 10% of the time when I’m not fine, and the unpredictability of the arrival of that 10%, when it becomes clear that, yes, I really do have a problem right now, and it is best for everyone if that problem does not strike during a time when I am responsible for educating the children of other people.
I just got out of the shower maybe twenty minutes ago– shut up, I’m at home by myself, I’ll shower when I want— and all the sudden the whole world crashed down around me. I’m not going to get into the details, but it was bad.
And then it hit me that I had forgotten to take my pill this morning. My routine was a little disrupted from usual and I forgot.
And it took, oh, six hours without any Clonazepam in my system for me, out of nowhere and with no particular anxiety-inducing trigger, to be reduced to a miserable, shuddering wreck.
(And I should also be clear that I’m still having occasional flare-ups while on the medication. But they apparently trigger immediately if I forget to take it. Is that just what my life was like before I started taking this shit? Jesus.)