Don’t even bother reading this post.  Seriously.  It ain’t worth it.

So I’m maybe halfway through Bloodborne, which I’m still enjoying quite a bit.  Despite the rumors of punishing, horrifying difficulty, I’m finding that I’m going through it at a fairly steady (if slow) pace, although who knows what the game has left in store.

I have maybe three hours a week to play.  Maybe.  Probably not even that much.  The game will last several more weeks at this rate, especially if it gets harder.

The Witcher 3, which has a dumb name, came out, oh, a couple of weeks ago.  It’s an open-world RPG in the vein of Skyrim or Dragon Age: Inquisition.  I loved Skyrim.  I hated DA:I, although it took me a while to be able to admit it.  I’m hearing stories that there are 200 hours of play in The Witcher 3.

Five years ago, that woulda been some exciting shit.  Now?  It just makes me tired.  That’s not a game, that’s another job.  I’ll be playing it until 2018 at that rate.  I don’t have time for this even if it’s the greatest game in the world, and I’m not starting a 200-hour RPG when I know good and well that I’ve got no time to play video games any more.

Then I saw this:

Welp, I guess we could just use The Witcher 3 to illustrate the rest of our #tropesvswomen series because it includes all the sexist tropes!

— Feminist Frequency (@femfreq) May 28, 2015

And I responded thusly:

@femfreq Aaaauuuughhhh. I wanna play this! — Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) May 28, 2015

For this silly little barely-a-third-of-a-full-Tweet I have received a minor torrent of abuse from a number of derps who I have been blocking as quickly as they can derp. This seemingly-innocuous Tweet has received over eight thousand impressions, which is ridiculous.

Then I found this article.  Which… okay, I’ve got a kid, right?  So I’ve done The Sex a couple of times.  I’m okay with it!  And I like naked people, and I have watched more porn than you have.  But sex in vidya gaemz has never ever been anything other than awkward and creepy, and I watched part of one of those videos and wanted a shower.  And apparently there are a bunch of places where there is pixel-sex.  No thank you!

And it appears that not wanting to play this game makes derps angry enough in their teeny little souls that they try and argue with me about playing it over Twitter.

And that’s before reviews that mutter darkly about control issues, which are a real fast way to get your game to piss me off.

So:

• Control issues;
• Pixelsex;
• Absolutely no time for this at all;
• potential sexism issues, which will get on my nerves;
• Also apparently everyone is white;
• makes Twitter assholes angry if I don’t play it;
• Costs $60 of, let me remind you, my money; none of the derps have offered to buy the game for me;
• Stupid name.  “Witch” is not a verb.

I guess I’m not playing The Witcher 3, then, am I?

The end.

(I look forward to something that hopefully will not happen, which will be some derp reading this, including this paragraph, where I say nothing you can say will talk me out of this and I don’t actually care if I’ve gotten details wrong about the game, and trying to argue with me/correct me/convince me to buy the game anyway.  It won’t work!  I’ll mock you until I get tired of it and then ban you.  The end!  Again!)