In which I’ve made a terrible mistake

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I should never have been allowed anywhere near Bitmoji, and now that I’ve succumbed, getting text messages from me will never not be annoying again.  It’s going to be legitimately goddamn difficult to not print this out and leave it on my office door while I’m out of town later this week:

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Speaking of, I was out Friday, and I spent the entire day today running to catch up from the carnage created by being out of the office for one day.  It wasn’t a stressful day, necessarily, but it was one of those days where I say to someone “let me go drop this off in my office and I’ll take care of that,” and six people grab me on the way to my office, four people call while I’m in my office, and two more grab me on the way back and what should have been five minutes turns into an hour.  Just busy as hell.

I will be out three days this week, and I don’t know how the hell I will ever recover from it.  But hey: that’s next week Luther’s problem!  This week Luther only has to go to work two days this week and then gets to take a road trip.

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Stop me, someone.  Use bullets if necessary.  I deserve it.

I just need one that says “buy my books!” or “Support me on Patreon!” and I’m set.

In which I shitpost

I don’t actually have anything of substance to say tonight, to the point where I’m not going to bother cross-posting this to Facebook like I usually do.  I’m mostly just posting because I’ve had a nice little run going for the last several weeks and I’m coming out of my September Death Cold (TM) just in time to go back to work.  So… thank unions for three-day weekends, I suppose, because otherwise I’d have had to take off from work and now I don’t have to.  Yay?

temperIt was actually a pretty pleasant weekend despite all the near-death nonsense.  I’ve been doing a lot of reading on the weekends lately, and this weekend I finished Foundryside, which was amazing, and then read Nicky Drayden’s new book Temper from cover to cover too.  I reviewed her previous book, The Prey of Gods, and it was one of those books where I didn’t necessarily like it all that much but the goddamn thing was oozing potential to the degree where not buying her second book really wasn’t something I even considered.    Here’s the thing about Nicky Drayden: each of her books, so far, have actually been six books.  Temper is just as stuffed full of ideas as TPoG, but it’s a bit more cohesive and less insane and while it still wasn’t quite a five-star read for me I am absolutely still onboard for her next book and think you should check one or both of them out.

This has been a spectacular year for reading, guys.

Hmm.  I guess that counts as a topic for the post?  Sure, why not?

In which I vagueblog

tenor.gifThere is something very cool coming in a few weeks, but I can’t talk about it yet because if I do I’ll fuck it all up and it won’t happen.  The problem is that the Very Cool Thing is currently consuming all of my braincycles because I’m excited about it and for the lyfe of me I can’t come up with anything else to talk about.

Note that I had to look at “lyfe” up there for maybe two or three full seconds before I figured out what was wrong with it and by then I was entertained by my own dumb so I decided to leave it in.

So.  Yeah.  Uh.  Hm.

…I got nothing today.  What was the last good book you read?

In which my day is foretold by prophecy

rs-242887-prophets I walked into the building this morning, dropped my bag off in my office, ate whatever sausage thing I had brought for breakfast, picked up my coffee, and headed down to the gym/cafeteria area to monitor the kids before the first bell rang.  In the gym, I saw our security guard, a guy I know from one of my previous buildings.  We chatted for a moment.

“I’m about to say something I’ve never said in a school before,” I said to him.  “As of right now, I don’t really have anything to do today.”

He knows me, so he laughed.

“Someone will come in and drop something in my lap in the next five minutes,” I predicted.  “This isn’t gonna last long.”

It took, in fact, less than one minute before the principal summoned me to the office, and then we were off to the races for the rest of the day.  Yesterday was calm and sedate.  Today was not.  It was productive, don’t get me wrong, but holy shit I did not stop moving once all day long.

(Checks, discovers he walked four miles at work today)

(Is surprised it’s that low)


So it’s the end of the day and we’re shoving the very last of the stragglers out the door and to their buses.  I am closing the doors behind them so that they can’t decide they have something Very Important That They Need Right Now and dash back into the building.  Someone tugs on my sleeve.  I turn and see someone who is much too young to be at my building looking up at me.  She is, maybe, in third grade, and I’m guessing probably second.

“Do you have a student named Aaron at your school?” she says.

oh god what did I do to deserve this

“We probably have a lot of Aarons at this school, sweetie,” I say.  “What is his last name?”

“She’s a girl,” she says.  I wait.  She does not elaborate.

“Do you know Erin’s last name?”

She thinks carefully and says a last name.  I repeat it.  She thinks about it some more and says that that’s not the right name.

“What’s your name?”

She answers me.  I ask if Erin has the same last name as her and she says no, but she can’t remember Erin’s last name.

“Who brought you here, sweetie?”

“My te-te.”

“Okay.  Can she come into the building and then we can go to the office and look for Erin?”

“She can’t come in.”   Note that this response comes immediately.  She doesn’t have to think about it at all.  It’s at this point where I realize I don’t have a radio and can’t buzz the office about this conversation.

“Why can’t she come in?”

“She’s not wearing any pants.”

I blink, slowly, a couple of times.  I notice that there’s a teacher standing behind me, just inside the building, and that that teacher is listening to the entire conversation I’m having and is laughing her ass off at me.

“Did you just say that she wasn’t wearing any pants?”

“Yeah, she just drove me here but she can’t come in ‘cuz she’s not wearing pants.”

I am not going to ask you can’t make me ask nope no way I am not asking

“Okay.  Let’s try one more time, real hard, to remember Erin’s last name.  I can have the office call for her to come out this door.  She’s supposed to be out by now anyway, so she’ll probably come out soon anyway.”

She thinks and gives me a name.

“Are you sure?”

She nods vigorously.

“Okay.  I’m gonna go to the office and tell them to call for Erin to come out, okay?  Where’s your te-te’s car?”

She points.  I don’t see a car. Auntie apparently didn’t figure out not to pull up by where the buses were.  At that moment I hear an all-call behind me for the name that this little girl has given me, so apparently Auntie got tired of waiting and just called the school.  I point out that they just called for Erin and the little girl runs away.

All right then.

Glad I could help.
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I can only think of one thing to say and I can’t say it

giphyI have a Clark Kent-related announcement coming, and I can’t make it yet, mostly out of pure superstition.  There are still a couple of Ts that need to be crossed and Is that need to be dotted, and if I tell anybody anything other than vague hints that something is going on, something will go terribly wrong and then the only announcement I’ll have to make is that I’ve found a cliff and jumped off of it.  Part of the reason (a small part, but part) that I took an impromptu weeklong vacation from work this week was to make it easier to keep my mouth shut.  Because no talking!  None!  This blog post is already too much!

Problem is, I’m in one of those situations where all I can do about this other than vagueblogging is wait, and I’m not very good at waiting.  I mean, I can also check my email every five minutes and occasionally pick my phone up and stare at it because I’m convinced it just rang (my phone doesn’t even make noise; this doesn’t stop me) but neither of those things are helpful.  I’m just glad I’ve got my interwebs back, because that shit seriously wasn’t helping.

What do you guys do when you need to distract yourselves?