I can only think of one thing to say and I can’t say it

giphyI have a Clark Kent-related announcement coming, and I can’t make it yet, mostly out of pure superstition.  There are still a couple of Ts that need to be crossed and Is that need to be dotted, and if I tell anybody anything other than vague hints that something is going on, something will go terribly wrong and then the only announcement I’ll have to make is that I’ve found a cliff and jumped off of it.  Part of the reason (a small part, but part) that I took an impromptu weeklong vacation from work this week was to make it easier to keep my mouth shut.  Because no talking!  None!  This blog post is already too much!

Problem is, I’m in one of those situations where all I can do about this other than vagueblogging is wait, and I’m not very good at waiting.  I mean, I can also check my email every five minutes and occasionally pick my phone up and stare at it because I’m convinced it just rang (my phone doesn’t even make noise; this doesn’t stop me) but neither of those things are helpful.  I’m just glad I’ve got my interwebs back, because that shit seriously wasn’t helping.

What do you guys do when you need to distract yourselves?

words n thangs

G01Ye_s-200x150I’m exhausted.

I am sitting in front of the TV with my laptop in my lap and a highly uncharacteristic glass of wine sitting on the end table next to me.  We’re watching Season 2 of Jessica Jones, which I’ve really had trouble paying close attention to.  We’ve got like three episodes left and I’m just not feeling it right now.

I dunno; I started this post hoping if I rattled on for a while something interesting would fall out but I don’t appear to have it in me right now.  Writing in general has been much more like pulling teeth than usual lately– in fact, now that I’ve had a tooth pulled and know how simple it is I may need to come up with a new metaphor.  I’ve got another con coming up in a few weeks– I’ll be at IndyPopCon again, have I mentioned that?– and I’m hoping it’ll get the creative juices flowing again.  We’ll see, I suppose.

In the meantime, this glass of wine ain’t drinking itself.  I’m not sure who’s going to drink it because I kind of hate wine but it’s definitely not going to drink itself.

Anybody read any good books lately?  Recommend something.

In case you ever thought I was smart, ch. 3987

derpyderp_400x400This was an exceptionally long week at work– it was decided (not by me) that yesterday needed to be a Move Every Single God Damn Thing in the Store day, and I spent the majority of it out of breath and sweating, which are exactly the characteristics you want in a purveyor of fine furniture and furniture-related goods and services.

I am old and fat and out of shape, guys, and I signed up to be a salesman.  If I wanted to work as a mover I would have made sure to be 20 years younger and substantially more svelte.  And yet.

But that’s not the point of this post.  The point of this post is that in addition to being fat and old and out of shape and sweaty and out of breath, attractive characteristics all, I am also an idiot.

So this lady comes in and wants four $75 dining chairs.  She wants to buy one of them from clearance at half off (fine) and order the other three new.  No problem!  She’s already decided on everything before coming in so everything ought to go really fast, right?  I write the ticket, call a manager over to drop the price of the clearance chair, and tell her how much the sale will be.  She is writing a check, and blinks a couple of times and then, visibly embarrassed, asks me the name of the store.

I tell her and her day immediately gets worse as her brainfart continues and I have to spell the name of the store for her.  It is obvious that this woman is not a moron and is just having a bad couple of minutes where the synapses aren’t firing right.  We cool.  I make a joke about having made a stupid math error earlier in the day.  It is worth pointing out that the joke wasn’t true, and I was just trying to make her feel better.

I tell her how much to write the check for.  She pauses, thinking, and comments that the number doesn’t seem right.

“The one chair is half off, remember,” I say.

“Oh,” she says, and writes the check for the agreed-upon amount, takes her clearance chair, and leaves the store.

Two minutes later it occurs to me that $75 times three and a half is not $118, which is what the check she wrote was for, and I look at the invoice and discover that I only sold her two chairs.  She not only noticed the error but pointed it out to me and I still looked at $118 and went “Yeah, that’s definitely the right amount to charge someone for four goddamn chairs.”

I had to call her back and tell her she’d need to either call me with a credit card number or come back to the store and write a second check if she wanted all four chairs.  She was back in ten minutes, having figured out on her own that I wasn’t able to math.  Luckily, both of us blamed ourselves for the mistake getting through.


Earlier today, I sold something to someone who lives on a street very near me.  She asked me what street I lived on and I forgot my address.  I literally could not remember the name of the street I live on.  It took way too long.

I am not having a good week.

Still going (update)

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…so, about nine hours later, another 1.6 million impressions, or nearly two hundred thousand views per hour.  Completely ridiculous.

Oh, and a couple of people alerted me to this bit of nonsense, which also happened:

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That’s on Instagram, and I’ve been told it was cross-posted to Facebook as well, both with a goddamn “people for Bernie” watermark smacked next to my name and Grond’s face.  I do not approve.  I am very much not a Person for Bernie.  I’m not gonna do anything about it (I thought about posting “I voted for Hillary” in the comments and didn’t) and at this point I’m more entertained by it than anything else, but they could at least have put that asshole’s name next to the first tweet and not mine.

25,000 impressions while I was typing this short post, by the way.  This thing isn’t going away for a bit, yet.

Woo Saturday!

scary-easter-bunny-6I sold nearly sixteen thousand moneydollars worth of furniture and furniture-related services and accessories at work today.  The boy is at his grandparents’ so that he can do an egg hunt in the morning, because I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow any pagan bunny nonsense in my house.  I am watching Into the Badlands with my wife and sipping on a very small bottle of moscato.

Yes, I am drinking the alcohols.  Not many of them!  But I never drink the alcohols so this is a bit of an event.

Happy Easter, if that’s your thing.  I don’t have to work tomorrow, so … thanks, Jesus, I guess?