THE FARTENING: In which I destroy my body for SCIENCE!: Prologue

It is 2015 and the future.  Time to ruin my body with experimental food!

Have you heard of Soylent?  I ordered a week’s supply in July, partially because I was genuinely curious about it and partially because I am a glutton for punishment and thought it might make for a hilarious series of posts for the blog.

Let me say that again: July.  My Soylent arrived yesterday.  They are backlogged like a sumbitch in supplying new orders, although the website claims that reorders will ship within a week or two.  At the moment, I don’t actually plan to re-up, but we’ll see what happens.  Today you get the unboxing and some theories on when I’m going to actually eat this.  I’m thinking about starting next Friday, because I’ll be out of town all weekend and… well, there’s a reason I’m calling the series THE FARTENING– users have reported some minor issues with adjusting to a Soylent diet.  The first taste may have to wait a little bit.  We’ll see.

Your Soylent arrives as two boxes inside of a bigger box.  Exciting!  There is no packaging foam or other nonsense inside; luckily, nothing is especially breakable.IMG_2150

The two boxes inside the box.  One contains the actual Soylent products, the other is my customized pitcher that came FREE! with my eighty-five dolla worth of powder and oil.

Everything inside both of the containers.  The boy was super excited by this entire process and wanted to touch everything; I’m amazed that I kept him out of all of the pictures.  A day’s worth of Soylent fits in the pitcher; that’s all I’m supposed to eat for the entire day.  In three separate meals.  This is going to be interesting.

At any rate: one pitcher, one scoop, seven bottles of oil, seven packages of Soylent, one information card, one instruction booklet.IMG_2152

The Official Soylent Scoop is actually pretty well-made (so is the pitcher, for that matter) and supposedly gives the proper dimensions for a single serving of the stuff.  I might indulge in one serving tomorrow just out of curiosity; we’ll see.  I also need to check and see if this is any sort of standard measurement because it really is a nicely-made measuring cup.IMG_2154

A close-up of one package of Soylent.  One package is three meals; supposedly a day’s worth of food.  One of the decisions I need to make is whether I’m going to try and go whole-hog on this stuff or just eat it during the day at work and then have a regular dinner; the first makes more sense as SCIENCE! and is definitely going to be better for the blog (you guys are never happier than when I’m miserable) but the second would fit into my life better.  We’ll see; I’ve got time to think about it.IMG_2155

A closeup of the oil bottle.  Soylent is 100% vegan, by the way.IMG_2156

Man, it really is the future.  Food comes with instructions now!  This thing’s like fourteen pages long!
IMG_2153Can I point out that the “L” in the “Release notes” font is terrible and drives me crazy?  I can?  Good.

More later, as I decide exactly how this is going to work.


18 thoughts on “THE FARTENING: In which I destroy my body for SCIENCE!: Prologue

  1. Have you ever heard of, or seen, the movie “Soylent Green” (or at least to the best of my recollection that was the title). It is a pretty old movie. Most likely just a made for TV movie. Before you start eating this stuff, you may or may not want to look it up. Let me just say that if you choose to look it up, you may develop reservations about eating your Soylent. Of course, this was only a movie and a poorly made movie at that which played upon the insecurities of people’s vision of the future. Hummmmmmmmmm, not sure I could partake of anything made with SOYLENT. Hope I didn’t spoil your meal plans. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

      1. The reason for which my face was twisted in horror the entire time i waa reading your post. I think I’d rather juice, personally… BUT you did also say this stuff is vegan, so… Maybe… MAYBE… I’ll look into it.


  2. Better check with Charlton Heston before you eat that. Soylent Green wasn’t a TV movie, it was a major Hollywood affair. Might have been the last film with Edward G. Robinson, but I’m not sure. If you’re still up for it, you might invite Hannibal Lechter over for lunch.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. NotAPunkRocker

    You had to point out the “L” in the word…now I keep looking at it, trying to figure out how they came to that style.

    Oil? I just colored my hair with an “oil based formula” so that is throwing me off. Is oil the next gluten?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have misgivings. Most vegan protein sources are have poor bio-availability, at least for the human digestive system. What’s in this stuff?

    My inclination, if I was trying it, would be to start out slowly, with this Soylent stuff for just one meal a day, and then gradually increase from there. Less likely to cause gastric disturbances that way.


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