Fuggit

On By Luther M. SilerIn Teaching

Today, so far, has been the day I was worried most of the summer was going to turn into– hours and hours of pointless web surfing and bullshit combined with a complete lack of accomplishment by any metric whatsoever and a mild bout of depression.  I caught myself thinking about returning to my previous school on the way home from taking the boy to day care this morning and by the time I got back to my house I was halfway to a fucking panic attack.

I do not want to teach any more.  Regardless of where I end up, this must be my last year in this profession.  It’s killing me.

I’m going to sit here on the couch with my laptop and uselessly get pissed off at the world until my wife and son get home now.

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16 thoughts on “Fuggit”

  1. I hear you. I am also a ‘highly qualified professional educator,’ so deemed by the state of Florida. I hate my job. As August approaches on the horizon, the pit in my stomach grows. What’s the answer? I have no idea. I daydream about doing other jobs. It’s bad when you give serious consideration to the “Now Hiring” sign as you walk into Target. All I can say is hang in there. There are thousands of us around the country who feel your pain. We’ll just have to get through it together until something better comes along.

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  2. I’m really sorry you’re in so much pain, Infinitefreetime. I hope your books take off. I hope they get an addicted following of people who’ll swarm each other to get the latest copy and you’ll stop teaching to move to writing. Then get ridiculously famous and never, ever have to explain the pythagorean theorem again.

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  3. My heart goes out to teachers that are suffering, as clearly you are. Having a family makes your position significantly more difficult than if you were going it solo. I want to remind you and all teachers that read this comment, you are bound by the rules of the culture within which you live and work. There are many other countries where teachers are revered, treated with respect and honoured for their efforts. They don’t get paid much but, if you are a teacher mind, body, and soul, teaching in another country may at some point be an option. Just my 2 cents worth.

    Step 1: Breathe in …
    Step 2: Breathe out …
    Step 3: Repeat …

    Eventually you won’t need to remember the 3 step program …

    Feel better.
    Gringa

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  4. I know how you feel! I was a special education teacher for 20 years in Los Angeles. I finally quit last year after I started fantasizing about what it would be like to be homeless. I kid you not. That’s when you know it’s bad! In part, my blog title reflects my decision to quit. It was a little easier for me to leave because I do not have children dependent on me. But I still walked away from tenure, benefits, pensions and so forth. Also, I did not qualify for unemployment since I voluntarily left. I now substitute for a fraction of the pay while I try to figure out what’s next for me. Trust me, I so know how you are feeling. I really do.

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  5. I am so sorry that you are having this kind of day! I am having a similar one, but am actually happy about it. I’m so tired of stressing and worrying about everything, that it feels good to just sit here. It has become sort of my summer funk, but if that’s the worst that I have, I’ll take it! I’m also hoping that I love my job this year, so fingers crossed for me and for your future! Do you teach in a public school?

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  6. pjsandchocolate's avatar pjsandchocolate

    I know this is probably wildly inappropriate, but maybe you could write a short story in your universe about a mercenary or something who used to be a teacher, but quit because the stress was too high, and the confession came during a combat moment.

    It might get a giggle, at the very least.

    But that’s all I got to help for this one, man.

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      3. pjsandchocolate's avatar pjsandchocolate

        Yeah – Write the story, dammit. I have absolutely no idea how I’d write this, and your fans are making demands on your person.

        Don’t dis the fans.

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  7. Simple Living Retired's avatar simplelivingover50

    It is time to re-invent yourself. I know so many educators who are in the same situation. From what I see the politics behind the system are working in nobody’s favor and just creating a monster that is out of control. Personally I would love to rent surf boards in the Bahama’s.

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  8. After 23 years, I quit. Sure I lost 35 pounds in a year and people told me I looked great. When they asked me how I did it, I told them “depression”. Crying every day as I dragged myself into work. Mentally and emotionally drained. I tried a charter school. More of the same though I was the old timer there. Working 10 hour days (yes, that was the IN SCHOOL time) with on duty lunches wasn’t better though I had a bit more freedom…for awhile.

    We teachers are NOT leaving education. Education has left us.

    Brainless monotony sucks.
    If you can get a position where you have autonomy and creativity (even if it’s for less money), deeply consider it. Once you’re a teacher…you’re always a teacher. Reinventing yourself is hard work though your writing is a great first step.

    Homeschooling my son because he doesn’t fit in the system either. Unfortunately, my husband and my friends get to stay miserable and keep their teaching jobs….for now.

    Hang in there and hopefully you’re on a new path.

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