I published a little mini-rant on Twitter yesterday morning that was brought on by one too many Tweets about the kidnapped Nigerian girls and a tweet that literally suggested I should retweet it to cure cancer. I know what “literally” means, guys; the Tweet actually read the actual words “Retweet to cure cancer!”
I just now (I’m writing this Thursday night) found this picture on the Internet somewhere. This has got to be the stupidest picture in the history of photography itself.
tl;dr: Dear Twitter/meme activism: go fuck yourself. Longer, more profane version follows.
I mean, what the fuck is the endgame of any of these fucking pictures? Do these three assholes seriously think that a fucking human trafficker— not generally a genre of man known to give a fuck— is going to 1) know who the fuck Ashton Kutcher is or 2) give one single wet shit that that coddled Hollywood wankstain thinks he isn’t a “real man?” Really, world? Sean Penn and fucking Justin Timberlake think they can shame a motherfucker into not doing something because they don’t think he’s a “real man?” Do you seriously think that the average “man” involved in human trafficking wouldn’t literally eat Ashton Kutcher if he felt like it?
What the fuck is this nonsense? Who the hell are these assholes even talking to right now?
Themselves, that’s who the fuck. This isn’t activism, it’s fucking masturbation, and the bastards don’t even have the fucking decency to lock themselves in the bathroom while they’re doing it. Christ, this is so goddamned stupid that I’m hurting my brain even complaining about it. And, granted, this particular picture isn’t about the Nigerians, but it’s functionally the exact same shit.
Here’s a clue, dude: there’s one person in America who can actually do anything about the lost Nigerian girls, and unless you are seriously suggesting we invade Nigeria to find them, even what the fuck he can do is more than a little limited.
President Obama does not read Twitter. And there is no universe in which social media pressure convinces a bunch of Nigerian religious extremists– who, I suspect, don’t actually have fucking Twitter accounts– to give the girls back.
Wait, no, this picture might be stupider:
I love Michelle Obama, guys. She’s without a doubt my favorite First Lady, not just of my lifetime, of all time. But holy Christ does this picture make me want to vomit. It’s cynical and opportunistic and self-promoting and jesus fuck woman the President of the United States sleeps in your bed, what the fuck are you doing showing off your concerned face on Twitter?
Did anybody ever stop that Kony dude, by the way? Twitter was mad at him too, right?
Fuck.
(Not to slow my roll or anything, but: while I’m slightly more sympathetic to the idea that people are “raising awareness” with this shit, they’re “raising awareness” by making the the statement “Here! I did nothing about this! You should do the same nothing I did!” Well, great. Tweet all the fuck you want, those kids aren’t coming back without massive political pressure or some sort of military intervention– which is not happening– and Twitter will produce neither of those things anyway. “Awareness” is bullshit.)
(Sidenote: Misspell “human” the wrong way and WordPress autocorrects it to “Juan.” As bad as human trafficking is, Juan Trafficking is… well, way different.)
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You have just basically verbalised everything I feel about celebrities and “awareness” raising. If that dude from “What Happens in Vegas” says to return the girls, surely that will change a militant fundamentalist’s mind. Jesus.
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I was feeling the same way but you articulated those feelings so perfectly! Thank you.
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Maybe they should have a charity ball where they eat overpriced food, wear millions of dollars worth of clothes and auction off pieces to “raise awareness”? Thanks for the post!!
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i would like to slap that butthurt face off of madame obama. (KIDDING, NSA.) i would like our leaders to stop posting selfies and ::sad panda:: twitpics and go back to fucking work. but twitter is king now, and if you don’t #care and #retweet how much you #participate, you’re just old and square.
fr srs, the nigeria thing has me confused as shit. i read about it first sometime last week, and it was like three weeks old by then. those girls aren’t coming back, not ever. and knowing that makes me want to murder people in the face, and being helpless – because we are; Invading Nigeria is not not not the thing to do (honestly, and you can tell me differently and i’ll believe you, i don’t even really see how it’s the nigerian government’s thing… it seems to me more of a police matter (not that i have any idea if they have police as i would recognize them) and they’re clearly not doing fuckall about any of it) – makes me want to murder them MORE, and watching the internet eat itself with concern and half-assed ‘activism’ makes me want to murder myself, just to not see michelle obama’s very, very, very sad face anymore.
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Reblogged this on Moneymakinghicks.
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Slacktivism. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I got some people mad at me during the Kony thing by pointing out that he was not the first person to do these things, where was the outrage before?
Same with this, though probably not on the same scale. It shouldn’t matter if it is one girl or two thousand, unless you plan to do something going forward (after CNN goes away) or were doing something before, then you’re not helping.
Cancer “awareness”? Raise your hand if you weren’t aware of cancer already.
(were you the one who tweeted “I am sure the Nigerians who took the girls are reading twitter now”? If so, well done!)
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My, you swear prettily.
I think it’s one thing if people promote donating to a charity that actually does something (like the International Justice Mission, which partners with local authorities to rescue victims and take care of them afterward as well as provide training to those authorities to better protect their people). But their particular mission is to “disrupt predatory behavior” by studying how technology and the internet help predators create hostile environments. And using celebrities to shame people on the internet.
It’s reminiscent to when reddit took to finding the guys behind the Boston Marathon bombing. Good intentions, but if traffickers and child pornographers aren’t moved by their victims’ terrified faces, how the fuck is sadface Justin Timberlake supposed to affect them?
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I feel better now. It’s like you did the ranting for me. I can use my energy for something else. I will now just refer others here for my feelings. But I will warn them to expect way more cursing than they are used to from me.
And I think that Michelle Obama’s “concerned face” is a little too pouty. It disturbs me. Which is a shame, cuz she’s usually pretty wonderful and classy.
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At the same time as we’re “bring[ing] back ‘our’ (276 Nigerian) girls”, 2,100 people were buried in a landslide in Afghanistan last week, where we still have troops to the best of my knowledge, and the search for survivors and bodies was given up two days after it happened. Meanwhile, seven weeks after a mudslide buried 40-ish people in Oso, Washington, FEMA is finally pulling out of there. I realize that Afghanistan’s problem is not our problem, but if that’s the case then certainly Nigeria’s problems aren’t our problems either, nor were Iraq’s, nor were Vietnam’s or Korea’s, or Indonesia’s after the tsunami… Oh wait, there were Americans there, so obviously those lives were important and their families needed to know what happened to them. But yeah, it is annoying how certain issues get picked up and become the issues while others go completely unnoticed, and how beating people over the head with those few issues that are deemed important is called ‘raising awareness’ when really it’s just borrowed drama, and it’s disheartening that it all seems to be more about the ’cause’ than the actual people affected by whatever the cause is about.
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And no, Kony is still leader of the ‘Lord’s Resistance Army’, and can’t be presumed to have changed his ways one iota. Plus, that whole campaign was a media blitz by some filmmakers who liked playin’ with guns and needed a way to make themselves known (that last being my own speculation): http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/events/kony-2012 . And, having watched as much of the meme video when it was goin’ around as I could stomach before my cynical self felt just like you describe in this post, I have to say it was creepy when the one dude was talkin’ to his son. The son is six in the video, sounds like he’s been thoroughly coached, and it just feels like total exploitation. If he were really espousing the opinions he’s voicing it’d be one thing, but instead it feels like he’s been indoctrinated and has no idea what he’s really saying. It’s not Kony-level grossness, but it’s gross.
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I thought this EXACT same thing. People love protesting, holding up signs, and rallying just to say they ‘did something’, when in reality, they are doing nothing. But the way you expressed this thought was so clever and funny.
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thanks for spewing forth. I’m still attached to my nice guy image, but was having similar ideas of puking and ranting about all the Nigerian girl posts. Just how does ranting on social media help any of those women? If we put half as much energy into action as we do playing on social media and blogs ( myself included!!!), think of all we could accomplish. But that is why we write, so we don’t have to take action! 🙂 By the way, thanks for visiting my blog. You may never want to return now. 🙂 rants and blessings, Brad
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Thanks for verbalizing or wordalyzing or whatever—the discomfort surrounding these weird photos.
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Not clear on something. Do people who show up at a business or, say, a government office with picket signs make you vomit too? Civil rights and anti-war protesters in the 60s? Of course the Nigerian kidnappers won’t see or care about tweets and photos. Of course Kutcher’s opinions and actions are no more important than anyone else’s. I loathe Kutcher, but I would rather he put his fame to use promoting an important issue than selling cameras.
So how should we apply pressure and, yes, raise awareness to nudge the powers that be in the direction of action? Or should we not tell them what we think that right action should be? Or since we can’t really make any difference, should we do nothing – not even encourage people to think and learn about a problem and discuss what might realistically be done and have informed opinions? Shrug at atrocities when they happen on the other side of the world? I understand the impetus behind your rant, but what do you have to offer instead? Besides airsick bags, I mean.
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Are they at the business or the government office they’re actually protesting? Wonderful. Are they showing up in front of Google’s corporate offices to protest blood diamonds in Africa? Protesting the Keystone pipeline at a local school board meeting? They’re idiots.
Twitter hashtaggery isn’t telling anyone anything, because no one with any actual power pays attention to Twitter. You’re only talking to yourselves. This is PRECISELY– and I’ll note that I do actually go into this in the post you’re responding to– why Michelle Obama’s Tweet is so nauseating. She sleeps with the President. Methinks if she wanted something done, she could maybe usefully advocate for that, somehow, but she posted a sadface on Twitter instead.
You want the powers to be to notice? They aren’t on Twitter. The people pretending to be them are minimum-wage interns; they aren’t paying attention. Show up. Go to their offices. Call them. Email. Picket. They notice that, because it requires more effort than hitting retweet. Twitter activism is just LOOKING like you’re doing something without actually expending any effort.
(And, yeah, sometimes we DO have to shrug at atrocities on the other side of the world. Because there is NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT THEM. There is little we can do about the lost Nigerian girls– who, I’ll note, are still lost– short of invading Nigeria and looking for them. And we’re not going to do that, and we haven’t. America– and the West in general– is not omnipotent, and the tools we have are sadly limited for dealing with something like this.)
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100% on the money! Liberal speak in insane. The way to bring back our girls is to raise boys that respect women and follow the Golden Rule. But then what do I know. 😉
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I’m right there with you on this one. While yes, awareness of social issues should be raised, there should also be some form of action. Posting little cute signs on Twitter is not going to help anyone except themselves by saying “Oh wow look, this celeb really does care.”
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That’s why I write poetry. But seriously, I’m sharing this because people should think about it. Tonight in Jerusalem there will be a rally against violence in front of the PM’s office. Sometimes I even wonder what will THAT do. It almost seems like peace is not really in the interests of the powers-that-be. So for now, my greatest faith is in the power of words to move people. In Nigeria, who knows.
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very very true
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