Ssssshhhhhhhh…..

On August 18, 2015August 17, 2015 By Luther M. SilerIn TeachingLeave a comment

If you listen closely, I’ll bet you that at some point in the next eight hours or so you’ll hear a part of my soul die a little bit.

WELL ALL RIGHTY THEN

On August 17, 2015 By Luther M. SilerIn Teaching1 Comment

Got to work at 7:15, finished my classroom at 4:32, the Parent Night was from 4:30 to 6:00, got home at 6:30 or so, ate dinner, spent half an hour putting together a couple of presentations for tomorrow, and now I can die.

I am tired as hell, guys.

#Weekendcoffeeshare: Maybe I won’t die

On August 15, 2015August 15, 2015 By Luther M. SilerIn Stories10 Comments

So, yeah. I’m gonna do this for at least a couple of weeks. It seems fun.

If we were having coffee, I’d ask you to keep an eye on me and make sure I didn’t collapse while we were talking. I crossed a milestone this week and officially became an old person, because I’m on blood pressure medication now. I developed bursitis in both knees while tiling the bathroom floor, and went into the doctor’s office on Tuesday to get some meds for that, at which point she discovered that my blood pressure was at “holy shit, you’re gonna have a stroke” levels, and then suddenly no one cared about my stupid knees at all any more. A couple of blood tests and some BP meds later, it turns out that it looks like I have a sensitivity to ibuprofen, which I need to either avoid completely or use very sparingly for the rest of forever, because if I take too much of it– as I might, if I can’t put any weight on my knees– it fucks up my blood pressure and my liver enzymes something fierce.

(I’m fine. Follow-up appointment yesterday; BP’s way down, and the liver stuff is expected to return to normal. Other than my knees, I feel completely healthy.)

But, yeah, back to the coffee: I had a cup yesterday morning and it made me fluttery and dizzy, so I’m drinking this one very slowly and keeping an eye on it. I made it 38 years before I ever drank coffee at all, so if I need to hold off on it for a while while I get used to the new medication that’s not exactly gonna be a hardship. But #ifyouwerehavingcoffeeandIwashavinggatoradeandwewerehavingittogether may be a bit too long for a hashtag.

After all that, I might let you talk a little bit before I started griping about school starting, and I’d mention the fact that the doc made the mistake of asking me about job stress yesterday while chatting about my blood pressure, and I said no less than three times during the conversation that I could cut off the rant whenever she got tired of listening to it and she appears to enjoy that sort of thing and so she didn’t.

By then I’d be done with my coffee, and I’d have to go to a library used furniture sale for classroom stuff before a birthday party for a four year old before a shift at my other job before a family thing tomorrow before another day of meetings and working intensively in my classroom before the first four days of school before another Saturday where I have to work at my other job and probably do some grading before that Sunday is my son’s fourth birthday before another week of school before another Saturday work shift and my next day that might be a day off is August goddamn 30th.

And then I’d say “Fuck me dead,” because I seriously hadn’t realized that until telling you about it, and I’d stare glassily off into the middle distance for a while, and at some point I’d go do the next thing I needed to do, possibly paying the bill first.

I hate August.

At least that’s decided

On August 12, 2015 By Luther M. SilerIn Teaching6 Comments

I’m teaching next year. Full stop, I’m done thinking and/or worrying about it. I’m back in the classroom, and it will be absogoddamnlutely my last year working in schools, because I’m resigning at the end of the year whether I have a job lined up or not.

I have, what, six days to get my head on straight and my classroom ready.

Fuck it. Let’s do this.

In which my brain is uncooperative

On August 9, 2015 By Luther M. SilerIn Writing1 Comment

I had a line– a single line– from a story hop into my head close to bedtime Friday night and spent all day yesterday trying to track down the rest of it, to no avail. At least yet. It’s still in there, though, banging on the walls, trying to get out. We’ll see if I figure out what else I can do with it at some point today.

The impending baby was successfully showered, and I got a tour of Michigan State’s campus, which was pretty cool as I’d never been there before. Then my wife and I spent approximately seventeen hours attempting to convince the boy that yes, it is possible for a human to sleep on an air mattress.

I am sleepy, is what I’m saying.

KVETCHING: Please ignore

On August 6, 2015 By Luther M. SilerIn idiocy5 Comments

Still don’t know what my job is. School starts in twelve days.

I’m sitting in what will be my classroom– if, that is, I’m actually teaching next year, which, again, I don’t know if I’m doing or not. Yesterday I was positive about it. Today, I’m just tired, and I’d like somebody to make some damn decisions so I can move on with the work I need to do, whatever that work ends up being.

I’ve made one change in here, which is to rotate the desk so that if I’m at my computer I’m facing the kids and not facing the wall I have a fair amount of computer-lookery to do over the course of the day– checking email, entering attendance, that sort of thing– and I generally don’t ever want the kids behind me if I’m looking at something that’s going to claim my attention. Other than that? The desks are in some sort of weird half-circle thing; I might change that. Not much else, at least not today. Once I’m sure it’s my room, I’m gonna be moving some sit around. Until then, it’s not worth the mental effort.

Blah.

shut up shut up shuddup SHUT UP

On August 5, 2015 By Luther M. SilerIn TeachingLeave a comment

kindergarten-cop-movie-clip-screenshot-shut-up_large Actually, first things first: I owe Katherine Lampe a review for her book The Unquiet Grave and haven’t written it yet because lazy; in the meanwhile if you need something to read and have already read all of my books I strongly recommend you go pick it up. I will be out of town all weekend at a baby shower/family reunion thing, so I’ll have to get a bunch of posts pre-written; that will probably be one of them.

Anyway.

I have found that I’m in exactly the same position that I was in at this time last fall, that being that I don’t actually know what my job is going to be in two weeks and so I can’t plan for anything yet. I’m still at school every day, mind you, doing various things that are not getting a classroom ready, because if I’m not teaching I’m not expending effort on the complicated process of getting a room set up.

I screwed up today, though. I looked in the computer to see if my classes were set up yet, assuming I’m actually teaching. And they are. And I spent most of the afternoon learning about the kids I have coming. And also taking the several boxes of math manipulatives and other teaching supplies that I unpacked yesterday and moving them into “my” classroom. Assuming I’m teaching.

Goddammit.

I know better than this. These girls all look smart and adorable, because the photos attached to their records are their fourth-grade pictures, and they’re all dolled out in their best clothes and are smiling and this happens every year, where I look at a bunch of pictures of kids and spend my time pleasantly thinking about potential and hoping and forgetting about all the bullshit. And it’s the bullshit that’s gonna kill me.

(I should be clear. Have I said this yet? If I’m teaching next year, by which I mean in thirteen days, I will only be teaching girls. I’m not just looking at the girls in my upcoming classes. That would be kinda creepy.)

Some of these kids are going to turn out to be assholes. A lot of them will turn out to be immense drama queens. Some of them, through no fault of their own, will be immense pains in my ass that I will do my damnedest to work with. Some will struggle and some will coast and some will not care no matter what I do. And some of them will be awesome.

Some of them will be all these things depending on the day of the week.

Or, y’know, maybe I won’t be a teacher next year at all, and I won’t have to worry about it. Supposedly I find out tomorrow. I know myself, and I know how the last several years have gone; the world is better off (my family is certainly better off) with me not in a classroom.

But I admit it. Right now, I miss it.