A couple of quick things

On April 15, 2022 By Luther M. SilerIn lifeLeave a comment

It is 8:17 PM as I’m beginning this, and I am already completely ready for bed. Asleep by 9:00 is not in any way out of the question right now. It might even be likely. So, in no particular order:

I am starting to think I didn’t get that job I interviewed for over Spring Break, as they were supposed to be making a decision by today and I haven’t heard anything, which makes me think they’re waiting on a “yes” from someone else before they tell the rest of us no. This is actually fine; I wasn’t sure I wanted it (losing my summer break and taking a pay cut, even if it’s a small one, is kind of a rough ask) and if I’m not offered the job I’m not put in a position where I have to turn it down myself. I am still powerfully ambivalent about next year, but I’m not sure this is the solution.
I have really been enjoying Moon Knight, but I completely forgot about it this week. It aired Wednesday. I didn’t even think about it until today. In other words, it’s suffering the fate of every TV show I like.
There will be at least one more game series on the YouTube channel; I started recording Tunic today, which looks like it’s going to be a lot of fun.
The cabinet and vanity is finally installed in the bathroom and we got some repainting done today as well as some drywalling in the laundry room. The last major piece to be installed is the mirror (which I may just do myself) and then a little bit of detail work here and there. I’ll post pictures again once the mirror is in place. This long saga is finally almost at an end.
I still do not have Twitter on my phone, but I put TikTok back on it today.

Five things is more than a couple, so I’m going to bed now.

Let’s see how long this lasts

On April 8, 2022April 9, 2022 By Luther M. SilerIn life3 Comments

I have deleted TikTok, Twitter and Tweetbot— yes, I had two different apps just for Twitter– from my phone. My plan is to leave them gone for a week; my hope is that I can make it through my coffee tomorrow morning. My phone rather helpfully asked me if I wanted to cancel my $5.99 yearly subscription to Tweetbot, which I actually declined; it re-ups next week, which kind of entertains me.

I’m trying to cut down on the amount of free-floating dread and hate I have in my life, you see. Twitter is a prime contributor to this, although TikTok definitely has its moments, and although I feel like both services are useful to me in certain ways– Twitter, in particular, is the source of most of my news nowadays– I just need a detox for a while. I need free-floating existential dread to have less of a death-grip on my brain and every time I open Twitter up I am reminded how fucking awful everything is.

Note that I’m not even going cold turkey on the service– I literally have it open on my second monitor as I’m typing this, the second monitor that I have on my desk more or less specifically for Twitter. I’m just keeping it off my phone, to cut down on those moments where I realize I’ve lost an hour to mindless scrolling. I mean, hell, I’ve stopped typing this post three or four times because something shiny scrolled by, so maybe I’ll ditch that too. But baby steps, right? Right.

nameless whining

On April 7, 2022 By Luther M. SilerIn idiocy, lifeLeave a comment

Made it through the job interview today without humiliating myself or collapsing into burnout, which I’m going to assume is a good thing. I did point out that I wasn’t a programmer and that didn’t instantly end the interview, so who knows, maybe this will work out. Last Friday I was thinking I could handle another year or two in teaching. Today, with nothing really happening in between that I could blame for changing my mind, I’m back in “I have to get the hell out of here” mode again. I think I’ve probably been spending too much time on Twitter; nothing is better at reminding me what a fucking awful place the world is than that app. And teaching absolutely requires optimism.

Meanwhile, I have an actual blister on the pad of my left thumb, right where I move the left thumbstick on my controller around, and despite the fact that I have literally been playing enough video games to give me a blister I still don’t think I’m especially close to finishing this fucking game. The fact that I’ve started referring to Elden Ring as “this fucking game” can probably give you some indication of where my patience level is with it right now, and I swear to God that if I don’t have this damn game put to bed by the time school starts back up again I’m just not going back to work. I haven’t heard anything back from my contractors about the door or the vanity, either, which means that I need to spend part of my Friday raising hell. I’m not looking forward to it.

Ugh. I feel like I spent this entire week in a shitty mood; I’m not sure if that bled out to everybody else or if I’m imagining it or what, but I’ve just been crabby all week. don’t feel like I’ve been relaxing, really– not that I know how– but I’ve been taking lots of unnecessary naps, which is weird.

I’ve blocked three people on Twitter while I’ve been typing this post. And I’m not even really paying attention to Twitter right now.

Blech.

In which I’m still not gonna

On March 29, 2022March 29, 2022 By Luther M. SilerIn life2 Comments

We did not have a “fun movement activity” in our PD today; we did not, in fact, have a “movement activity” of any kind, although they are still threatening us with one on Thursday. And I got an email about a job through LinkedIn again, which is kind of exciting, although again I’m not certain it’s something I want to pursue. Apart from that … well, I survived another day on the long road to Spring Break and my family is home again, so all is well in Planet Siler at the moment, I suppose.

At the moment it’s 7:39 on Tuesday and I have no idea what I’m doing with Wednesday and Thursday, which is probably at least a minor problem. I still have a few kids who need to finish their testing, so class will be a little light over tomorrow at least, and I’m hoping a bunch of them stay home on Thursday. I told them today that for the e-learning day on Friday I intended to tell them to spend 45 minutes on this particular math program they don’t like to use, to a great chorus of moans, and then followed that up immediately by telling them that I did not plan to actually check to see whether any of them had ever done it. I think it’s kinda bullshit to make the Friday before Spring Break an e-learning day. I’m required to give them some work to do, but that doesn’t actually mean I need to grade it.

Is anybody out there into modern board games? I picked up the expansion/companion game to Gloomhaven at Target the other day for no good reason other than boredom, and while I don’t know who the hell I’d play a bunch of new board games with (the wife and child are getting roped into this one) I’m still curious if there’s anyone out there who has either played Gloomhaven or is into board games. Anybody have anything they want to talk about?

Not gonna do it

On March 28, 2022 By Luther M. SilerIn lifeLeave a comment

I absolutely refuse to have an opinion on the whole Will Smith/Chris Rock Oscars thing. I will say this, and this only: that every middle schooler in America yelled the words “Keep my wife’s name out your fucking mouth” in the hallway at least once today, and I could maybe have done without that. If you really need to hear my opinion on it, feel free to go on the Internet, find someone else’s opinion, and assign it to me. I hear that it’s not hard to find people talking about it.

ALSO! My wife and son are out of town. It is the boy’s Spring Break, and she took the week off so that someone was home with him, and they have popped off to Indianapolis for a quick overnight trip to see some friends. I suppose technically I was invited. In accordance with my new temporary bachelor state, I had Chipotle for dinner, bought incorrect lightbulbs at Target (I did not realize that “sunlight” not only meant “full spectrum of light” but also meant “installs two miniature suns in your office”) and I am also currently not wearing pants. I will play video games for three hours once I am done with this post and then get two hours of sleep. It’ll be super.

Let’s see, what else? I have survived the first of the necessary four days until my own Spring Break, which doesn’t really start on Friday, but since Friday is a day with no students it may as well. Tomorrow should also be survivable; I’m hoping for suspensions and/or injuries leading into Wednesday and Thursday.

I received this email from my boss toward the end of the day:

To provide a little bit of possibly-unnecessary context to this, this year the teachers’ day starts at 8:40 on Tuesday and Thursday instead of 9:20, which is when school actually starts. Those two extra 40-minute blocks are supposed to be used for professional development and team meetings. Now, keep in mind, all day Friday is supposed to be PD this week, and as of right now I don’t have the slightest idea what the hell they’re throwing at us. I will be skipping this event and daring anyone to say anything to me about it, because I do not recognize “fun movement activity” as a concept that exists and this is either an extraordinarily tone-deaf joke or an actual insult. I ain’t going. I suspect that “morale raising” is supposed to be the point of this; they can best support my morale at this point in the year by leaving me the hell alone. If anybody asks, I got to work late. Fire me.

And, on that note, I’m off to the Lands Between. Hopefully I’ll notice when it gets dark; this lamp is really out of control.

Achievement unlocked

On March 25, 2022 By Luther M. SilerIn life1 Comment

If you have been around a while, you might remember me buying this car. At the time I took a 72-month loan on it, which I’ve been told is an unwise decision under nearly all circumstances, but whatever. 72 months from the purchase of the car would have been July of 2023.

It is currently March of 2022 and as of today my car is paid off. $237 a month back in my pocket. Awesome.

I am still waiting for my student loans to go away, which is likely to take a bit longer, but will still probably be done by the end of the school year. That’s another $545 a month. After that I pretty much just have the house and a personal loan to take care of (and “take care of” is a bit of an understatement, if I’m being honest, as they’re both pretty sizable amounts) but once those two are dealt with I will be debt-free, and getting rid of the car and the student loans will make an enormous difference, especially since I’ve been channeling every spare dime into paying for the car for the last six months or so and don’t have to do that any longer.

God help me, but that almost feels like cause for optimism. Time for the entire frame to fall off my car!

13

On March 23, 2022 By Luther M. SilerIn life1 Comment

That’s how many office referrals I wrote today. Ten in one class. Ten, in one class, before I could even get class started.

I may take tomorrow off.

I may also shut down my YouTube channel, but that’s a whole other conversation. I’ve been realizing more and more lately that it’s not fun any longer, but that might just be general depression and anhedonia, and maybe I shouldn’t delete 500 videos until I figure out which it is.