Chances are if you’re reading this you’re not a doctor, since most people aren’t, but I bet you can look at my x-rays there and pick out at least one thing wrong: that being that my kneecaps are in the wrong place, and pointed in the wrong directions. As it turns out, my femurs are rotated a bit to the outside, and then my tibias are rotated a bit to the outside more, thus resulting in my fucked-up feet that point outside instead of straight ahead like they ought to. My knees apparently hinge properly, and while there’s apparently a bit of wear where there ought not to be I’m not in danger of the damn things falling apart on me anytime soon. Basically I have some deformities (the doctor used the word “deformities” a lot) and that’s about it.
Solutions are as follows: surgery, which would be stupid, cortisol shots followed by knee braces followed by some physical therapy, which would likely be long and fairly pointless, or I could just be less of a fatty fat-fat and lose some weight.
The doctor didn’t quite say “fatty fat-fat,” but he made sure I heard it. Also, I only know the things I talk about up there because he was busy explaining them to the med student he had in the room with us. He barely talked to me at all. Like, the whole conversation was third-person.
I’m kinda tired of dickish doctors right now.
My new book, Tales: The Benevolence Archives, Vol. 3 is now available for pre-order on Amazon! Just $2.99 for the ebook edition!