Every sick day should be like this

One of the tests was for autoimmune diseases! It really isn’t lupus!

I’m about to write a whole bit about all the fun & productive stuff I’ve done today since I didn’t have to go to work because I’m on medical leave.  Let me start with this, though: we have an elderly cat.  I got her when I moved to Chicago in 1998, so she’s seventeen and some change, not that you can tell from interacting with her.  She has been a puker for as long as I’ve owned her.  Last night I was ripped out of sleep by the sound of a cat preparing to hork on my bed.  I snapped awake and tossed her out of bed, resolving to clean up whatever she did to the floor in the morning (this may be why the carpet in my bedroom is so shitty) and then rolled over and went basically immediately back to sleep.

And then it happened twice more in the next hour.

And the third time it triggered another of the same type of attack/”episode” things that have been keeping me out of work lately.  The only difference is this happened in the middle of the night, but it was the same thing: simultaneously freezing cold and sweating, nauseous, weak, shallow breathing, generally awful.

Turns out, when your cat wakes you up trying to hork, it generates a bit of an adrenaline surge, and the third such event in maybe an hour fucked me up bad.  I still say there’s something wrong with my adrenal glands, but I keep getting test results from all the blood I had sucked out of me on Saturday and so far everything is normal, so I have no goddamn idea what the hell is going on.  I do know I couldn’t have gotten out of bed at 6 if my life had depended on it; I didn’t feel human until 11, at which point I was able to haul myself out of bed and take a shower and start my day.

How do I feel now?  Completely fine.  Which is the most frustrating thing about this; I’m either completely fine or I have medical professionals hovering over me and telling me to go to the ER.  It kinda sucks.

But anyway.  I did a whole bunch of shit today!  Have the rest of my day up to now in bullet point form:

  • Went to the bank to clarify some stuff about our recent mortgage refinancing.  Turns out I need to pay my own homeowners insurance now as the bank doesn’t do escrow.  Annoying, but manageable.
  • Checked a couple of mattress stores for a new bed for my son, who is now big enough for a twin bed.
  • Bought my son a bed at one of said stores, which will be here tomorrow.
  • Had lunch at Five Guys, a rare treat since basically just setting foot in the place will probably kill the boy, who has a peanut allergy.
  • Went to the Apple Store and scratched my “need a new thing” itch by buying one of these.  Almost certainly not the wisest use of my money, but I use two monitors and the massively increased size over the previous version won me over.  Using a trackpad instead of a mouse is wonderful.
  • I’m generally a big fan of Apple’s fetish for minimalism, but it really hurts them on mice and keyboards.  I can’t use their mice at all, and this is my keyboard on my desktop.
  • Actually saw one of the $17,000 Apple Watches in person for the first time, and walked away surprised by the fact that I actually prefer the look of my $250 Pebble Time Steel.  The leather on the Apple Watch actually looks kinda chintzy, and the gold is way too shiny for my tastes.
  • Speaking of surprising things, walking past a Mennonite woman piloting an electronic wheelchair via an app on her iPhone was my moment of Zen for the day.
  • Hit the grocery on the way home.
  • Since getting home, I’ve applied for a job and done some light cleaning.  I’m making dinner tonight, too.  Chorizo Mac and Cheese!

Tonight: Walking Dead!  Assuming, like, my son doesn’t jump at me from around a corner and put me in a coma or something.  I’m naming my disease Reverse Hulk Syndrome until someone comes up with something better.

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Luther M. Siler

The author of SKYLIGHTS, THE BENEVOLENCE ARCHIVES and several other books.

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