#Weekendcoffeeshare: Fear and Self-Loathing edition


I’ll be honest: if we were having coffee, the very first thing I’d do is point out that it’s the inaugural #SilerSaturday and hey my book is free at Amazon have you downloaded Benevolence Archives yet you really should no risk it’s freeeeeeee.

After that I would look sheepish and apologize and try not to bring it up again but I’d probably mention it at least once more because the book’s good dammit and if you love me you will download a thing for free.

But anyway.

After that?  Parental and husbandly anxiety, mostly.  My son, who is four, is enrolled at an insanely expensive private school that my wife and I can only barely afford, and that was before I took a twelve thousand dollar pay cut since my last job isn’t my job anymore.  And he got suspended at the end of… well, not last week, the week before that, because he’s still pooping himself, for reasons that I’m not getting into right now (because coffee) but just trust me they make sense.

And my wife has been home with him for the entire time, because I’ve missed too many days of school already, and she’s letting me get away with the sort-of-excuse that it sort-of is.  My kids have a math test this upcoming week and they’ve had a week less instruction than the other fifth-graders because I’ve either been sick or pulled out of my room to do something else so many times already.  The boy is still inexplicably diarrhetic and he’s been back in pull-ups for the last couple of days after months in underwear, and we’re quickly getting to the point where we’re worrying that they’re just going to suggest un-enrolling him and trying again next year.

Now, my kid’s birthday is in August.  He’s the youngest kid in his class.  It would have been entirely reasonable to leave him in day care for another year (where they change diapers) and wait a year to enroll him in school.  Plenty of people have made the decision that they’d rather have their kid be the oldest in his grade instead of the youngest, and some of them will defend it fiercely.  We didn’t make that call, but there is a non-zero chance that we may be about to have it made for us.

And… hell, I’m taking it personally, I’ll be honest.  This is a perfectly normal damn thing and I’m acting like he’s doing something to me, which he’s not, but… dammit.  Insanely expensive private school, did I mention that?  Insanely expensive exclusive private school. Like, don’t feel like I belong there.  Masters of the Universe type private school.  And there’s a chance that my kid is gonna get kicked out because of poop.

It’s got me twisted.  Really twisted, in a way I don’t like.

Eventually we might get around to the fact that I saw someone from high school this week who I haven’t seen in maybe fifteen years, and that’s still got me weirded out too, which happens every time I see someone from high school.  I’ve not made a secret of the fact that I’m not super happy about living in the same state I grew up in, much less the same town.  The conversation was perfectly happy and innocuous and pleasant, mind you, and even ended refreshingly, without the typical “We should hang out sometime!” lie that frequently accompanies these sorts of things.  But… yeah.  I’ve got a lot of reasons for my head to be muddled right now.  I need to get it cleared out.

Download a free book.  It’ll help.  🙂

20 thoughts on “#Weekendcoffeeshare: Fear and Self-Loathing edition

  1. And I am the dreaded daycare provider who will tell you your child is a typical boy. I have stories and because I respect my own daycare families, I don’t share them. But believe me, Breathe dad and everything will be OK. and I’ll be downloading as soon as I get on my Nook. 🙂


      1. The email would be awesome! Thank you.
        I am of the opinion that preK is sometimes over institutionalized. Not all will agree and I do not mean to cause this to create a different discussion. If it does, feel free to delete my comment. But, My youngest was withdrawn from a private preschool after the teacher and I couldn’t agree on her ‘reward’ system. She started Kindergarten the oldest only because of our state laws. She is 20 now and a violinist on our local symphony. Hang in there.


        1. Don’t worry, we cool. 🙂 From everything we saw looking at the place, the preschool at this school is the best part of a great building. I mean, the worst case scenario here is that we just send him back in a year, and that’s not that big of a deal. He’ll be fine. I just gotta get MY head straight.

          Check your email in, oh, ten minutes. I hope you like the book.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Downloaded the free book! Hope it helped.

    We’ve been dealing with the Geek Baby’s first cold this week. Kids are rough. I’m beginning to get that. Best of luck, if not with the situation which is somewhat out of your hands it sounds like… but best of luck with coping and dealing with it? Yes, that best of luck.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope that the situation will sort itself out sooner than later. Maybe your sons body is on strike and does not like the new school…
    Download the book, and will try to read it soon.
    Have a great weekend!


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  5. Try and relax about it, he’ll get there soon enough. I went to an event the other year were I met lots of people I hadn’t seen since school, some were really nice and others, well lets just say I remembered why we weren’t friends back then. It did disrupt my equilibrium though.


  6. Little Jedi has poop issues, but they’re sort of the opposite—he has a difficult time going and will sometimes take an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom. Luckily it hasn’t been an issue at school so far, but it’s one of the things we were really worried about, especially when he started pre-k.

    And for what it’s worth—my parents paid for one of those expensive exclusive schools when I was a kid, and I hated every minute there. I eventually had to be put in public school, and I was much happier there and the school was a better fit. Little Jedi is caught up now in the public/private school thing because his bio dad has apparently told him that when he has the money he’s going to send him to a private school. There’s all sorts of reasons that’s ridiculous (starting with LJ being in a Spanish immersion program at a very good charter school), but it’s started a big conversation around here about private/public/charter schools.

    Kid stuff is tough.


    1. I also went to a fancy private school until 3rd grade…when I demanded to be placed in public school (and were my parents REALLY going to fight that?). A much better fit for me too, but I also went to one of the best public high schools in the state, so it wasn’t like it was a big step down, quality-wise.


  7. Downloaded and gobbled up. Thank you very much- I thoroughly enjoyed the stories. Not only are you funny, a caring and thoughtful teacher and parent but you turn out to also be a great Sci- Fi writer. Take a moment to appreciate that you are a rather special guy.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: #WeekendCoffeeShare: Reasonable Positivity Edition | Infinitefreetime.com

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