Because Stealing Post Ideas from @Scalzi is Fun, a Ranking of My Creative/Artistic Abilities

85dcd5a9ddb373f37df1165b6910faefI had the feeling that John was enjoying himself while writing this post, and I’ve certainly enjoyed thinking about it from my end, so I’m blatantly stealing this one.  Note that I’ve added one category he doesn’t include, per suggestions from comments.   So: my self-perceived skill at various Creative Endeavors, ranked from best to worst:

  1. Writing.  I would hope this would be ranked high on the list, seeing as how I’ve spent most of the last two years working to make “Writer” my eventual day job and not just something I do when I’m not at my day job.  I write every single day, even if sometimes it’s not a lot, and of the various creative arts this is the one I work at the hardest.
  2. Editing.  As an educator I’ve done an awful lot of this as well, although I’ve never been paid for it, and while I’m not dumb enough to claim that I’m the only editor my work needs (everything other than blog posts goes through my wife before you see it, and she has been paid to edit before) I think I could make a living as an editor.
  3. Public Speaking.  The top three are pretty close together, actually, and for the most part public speaking actually is what I do for a living.  I’m comfortable in front of crowds (although I don’t much like microphones) and talking in front of a roomful of people is not even a thing that I notice I’m doing any longer.  I considered ranking this first and then didn’t because I’ve never really addressed a large group of people before.  Hundreds, certainly, but never anything larger than a high-three-figures crowd, at elast that I can remember at the moment.
  4. Video Editing/Directing.   Take “directing” with a grain of salt, but I’ve done way more video editing than most people have, and know my way around iMovie enough to know that I can easily handle small-scale video projects.  I’m not going to be looking for jobs in Hollywood anytime soon but I could probably capably edit commercials or shorter shows if I wanted to, and we actually shot a half-decent zombie movie with my students a few years ago.
  5. Cooking.  This could potentially be ranked at #4 except for the part where no one’s ever paid me to do it.  I’m well aware of my deficiencies as a chef, chief among them being that I can’t just walk into a kitchen and look around to see what’s there and come up with a meal yet.  But if you give me instructions and maybe a few minutes of backup here and there I can produce a variety of good meals without setting the house on fire.
  6. Acting.  We’re getting into the “not good at this” end of the scale, but every teacher has at least some minor chops as an actor.  You have to, especially at the younger ages, to do the job well.  Have I ever acted on stage?  No, not since fourth grade.  But I’m pretty sure if I did I wouldn’t be the worst one up there.  Not a high bar to clear, I’m aware.
  7. Singing.  I sing.  A lot.  But mostly when no one else is around.  I was always willing to grab the microphone during Rock Band parties back when that was a thing and I don’t remember people complaining.  But if I get outside my rather carefully defined vocal range things can get scary quickly.  That said, I have been complemented on my singing by people who did not have to bring it up and did not appear to be kidding, so at least occasionally I can do it passably well.
  8. Photography.  This is the last of the “I don’t suck at this” categories.  I can take a competent picture if I have a competent camera, and there are enough examples of my photography on this site for folks to tell me if I’m wrong.  But I’m not a photographer and I would never dare to say I was.
  9. Drawing/Painting.  Talentless.  I can sketch a quick diagram for a math lesson, but that’s going to to be about it.  The only 2D artform I have any talent in at all is desktop layout, and I don’t think that counts enough on its own to be a category.  I cannot draw and I haven’t tried to paint since high school.
  10. Playing Musical Instruments.  Ranked very low because I have tried to be good at this and still failed.  There are few things that I can say that about.  I would love to be able to play guitar or piano or ukulele.  I can do none of those things, and at this point I will almost certainly never be able to.
  11. Dancing.  I am fat, slow, uncoordinated, out of shape, old, and white.  So.  No.  Not only can I not dance, at this point in my life I refuse to even try.

What about you?  What are you best at on this list?  I’d kinda love for this to turn into a bit of a meme for a little while.

In which I swear I had something for this…

archer_68157At some point last night at OtherJob I wrote an entire blog post in my head.  I was pretty convinced it was a good one, too.  Now it’s 10 AM Sunday morning and the only thing I’ve managed to achieve is a cup of coffee and a shower and I have no idea what in the world I might have gotten into my head to write about.

Let’s grab-bag a couple of things.

1) I think I’ve talked about this before, but I have no intention of purchasing or reading Go Set a Watchman.  I never believed that she actually wanted the book published (this interview with her “editor,” a man who claims he doesn’t know if the book was ever edited and apparently doesn’t realize that planes exist, is terrifyingly shady) and from what I’ve seen from people who have read it, I stand by that decision.

2) The recent footage from Comic-Con from Batman V. Superman has, for the first time, made that movie at least a tiny bit interesting.  I like the idea that Batman’s vendetta against Superman is rooted in losing people in Metropolis when Superman destroyed it.  The shot of Bruce Wayne charging into the onrushing cloud of dust from the collapsed building is great.  (Superheroes?  Saving people?  Crazy!)  Unfortunately, Snyder’s Superman is still a useless, preening dick and in addition to the character assassination of Pa Kent in Super Powered Outer Space Alien 1 he’s now going after Ma Kent in 2.  This continues to be deeply “no thank you” but at least there’s something interesting about it now.

Hmm.  I guess two is a couple.  I’m kind of going nuts over here; my lack of ability to be on vacation and the find-a-job stress is sorta starting to get to me a little.  I expect to be found in the basement chewing on my underwear within a week or so.

This is so damn cool

After about ten minutes from now, because I’m taking care of a couple of things here at the start of the day, I’m going to do my damnedest to avoid looking at screens today, because my eyes are bugging me. The internet will have to do without me today.

Which means that I won’t be able to look at this five thousand more times.  But YOU can.

Hey! Looky here!

Should be available in print by the end of next week, guys.

Woo!

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(Thanks to Taylor Grace for the quote.  I didn’t ask permission, so I hope she doesn’t mind.)

In which I am a whining whiny whinersaurus wrex

helpful-parenting-tips-for-new-parents-27-photos-13So the boy’s new way of going to sleep at night is he doesn’t.  What he does instead is squeal and yell and talk to himself and shout and sing for, oh, four hours or so, punctuated by roughly hourly demands that his mother come attend to some minor need of his.  Occasionally I try to be the one to tell him to shut the fuck up and go to sleep attend to his needs, at which point he gets pissed off that the wrong parent is being inconvenienced and shit gets worse.  He was up past midnight last night, which means he was up somewhere between an hour and an hour and a half past the point where my wife and I went to bed, meaning that in addition to the squealing and the occasional musing about lacing his last drink of the night with some sort of tranquilizer I also got the fun mental exercise of is it going to cause a fight if I just shut off the fucking baby monitor?  Because he’s right down the fucking hallway and we’ll hear him if he hollers anyway and then not doing it because the last thing I need right now at bloody zero dark thirty is an argument about whether we still need a baby monitor.

Anyway: point is, it’s 9 AM, I’ve been up since 6:30, I have no memory of anything between my wife and son leaving for the morning and right now, and I’m hoping that what I think is the second cup of coffee of the day kills this headache.  I’m getting dangerously close to the point where I need to declare a “no screens at all” day, which is trouble, because I’ve got a short story due in a couple of days and I’m trying to write a novel, and I kind of need to look at screens to do either of those things.

<stares dully at screen for ten minutes>

Okay.  Yeah.  Not getting much done today.

tl;dr waaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

#InConIndy shout-outs, and some random stuff

Th21017_851785958231182_1572197157379726322_nis will be the last post about the con, I think, unless I come up with a reason to write another one, and I’ll try not to.  I got very little writing done yesterday, and I need to get the juices flowing this morning so I may as well tell you about a couple of cool people.

Actually, let’s get the random stuff out of the way first: if you pay close attention, you’ve probably noticed the changes in the masthead over the last couple of days.  If not, reminders are always good.

  • First, because I massively overordered books for InConJunction, I’m selling autographed books directly from this website until my stock is depleted.  You can get either Skylights or Sanctum for $12 plus another $4 to cover shipping and the envelope, or both for $20 plus the same shipping cost.  Gratifyingly, I’ve already had a few orders.  The initial cost is cheaper than you can get them from anywhere else; that $4 may push you a little higher depending on shipping cost.  But: autograph!  Click here to order books.
  • Sending books to people meant that I needed a return address that wasn’t my home address, so I finally pulled the trigger on a PO box yesterday.  Which means that I can have a mailing list!  Do I know what I’m going to do with a mailing list?  No, I do not, which means that signing up for it will not generate very much email for you.  But sign up anyway.

So.  Right.  The con.

Let’s start with shout-outs.  I spent the convention sitting in between James Wylder and TammyJo Eckhart, who are both awesome people.  TammyJo was a veteran of the con, and had people coming over and saying hello all weekend.  James and I were both first-timers, although he was coming off of a tour of a bunch of different cons.  Both are writers.  James, who was cosplaying as Dr. Who for most of the con, has written a poem for every episode of Dr. Who that aired between 1963 and 2013.  You need to own this just so that you can say you own it.  TammyJo writes edgy fiction; her big seller over the weekend was an omnibus edition of her last three books, so the two of us both got the fun of explaining what “omnibus” meant all weekend.

Another shout-out:  cosplay is always a big feature of these cons, and one guy in particular stood out by bringing a bunch of different costumes and making sure to make the rounds in each of them.  This is the guy cosplaying the Hulk below, but his Baron Zemo costume was probably my favorite of the weekend, as I’ve always had a soft spot for Zemo for some reason.  His name is Marc Meeker; you can check out his Facebook page here.


I only really actually encountered two jerks all weekend, which given that I interacted with hundreds of people is pretty impressive.  The most breathtaking of the lot was a dude who told me that he “didn’t read books,” which by the way is fine, right before going to TammyJo’s booth four feet away and…buying a book.

Humans!  It is okay to not want to buy my books.  There are three hundred and fifty million Americans and I have sold, at last count, about 1200 books.  Mathematically speaking, that’s a rounding error, and no one wants to buy my books.  It is okay if you do not want to buy books from me, even if I’m standing there asking you to!  I won’t mind!  I’ll just move on to the next customer, since you’ve made it clear I’m wasting my time.  There’s no reason to lie about it, especially a really transparently obvious lie that you prove is a lie three minutes and four feet away.  I see you, dude.  You’re right there.  Jackass.

A second dude, also talking with TammyJo, had a plastic grocery/Meijer bag with him that he was carrying purchases and swag in.  While he was talking to her, he set his bag down on a stack of my books.  This triggered an immediate and perhaps unwarranted burst of rage.  Dude.  Get your shit off my shit.  Even if there wasn’t a copious amount of empty floor space at your feet where you could put your bag down, there’s empty table space right there.  

I probably shoulda knocked his bag onto the floor, but I was trying to not get arrested at my first con.


Two other interactions are worth mentioning.  One guy who had been sort of floating around being awkward for a few minutes toward the end of the first day ended his interactions with us by 1) telling me he’d be back for Sanctum and 2) pointing at the Skylights banner over my shoulder and saying “I’ve read that one already.  It’s good!”

To which my immediate and automatic reaction was You’re lying.  Which, okay, I know I just said that mathematically speaking no one has read my books, but someone has, right? I don’t know all of those people.  He could have read Skylights.  I don’t know!

I didn’t say anything, because he was already leaving, but it was kinda weird.

A second dude got really excited when he saw Sanctum on the table, telling me a little bit too loudly that he “really liked that” and was “excited that they were bringing it back.”  I corrected him, pointing out that it was my series and that it certainly wasn’t “back,” then spent a few seconds frantically trying to figure out if I’d just mentioned Firefly to him or not and deciding I hadn’t, and then trying to decide if I was being rude and deciding that I wasn’t.  I thought I had him convinced that he was thinking about something else, and he bought a copy of Sanctum anyway, then walked off again talking like he thought it was part of a preexisting, cancelled series.

Part of me feels like I ought to have stopped him until I was certain he knew what he was buying.  I didn’t; it was the first copy of Sanctum I had sold and at the time I was far from certain that there were going to be more.  The rest were less… fraught.


I have my eye on Starbase Indy, which takes place the Friday to Sunday after Thanksgiving.  I’ve got an email in to see if they still have vendor tables since I may be a bit late in getting registered as a dealer.  I’ll keep y’all updated, of course.

WOW.

I’m not saying anything unique in pointing this out– literally every link I’ve seen today has said the same thing– but my favorite part of this video is not the daughter’s amazing skills but the pride on her dad’s face as she’s kicking his ass.

New comics post at Sourcerer!

The second entry in my series on science fiction comics, I’m talking about Brian K. Vaughan and Steve Skroce’s WE STAND ON GUARD this week.  Check it out!
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