In which graaaah raaaah cellphone companies

Can I, like, write a post where we all pretend that I spent a thousand words going “graaah raaaah cellphone companies” without actually going to the effort of spending a thousand words going “graaah raaaah cellphone companies”?  Because we finally got around to going over to Sprint to get me moved off of my father’s plan and onto my own, and that is only the first of possibly as many as three trips to the Sprint store that I’m going to have to make over the next week or so, all to discover that their current horribly-named, you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me “framily” plan does actually look like it’s going to be cheaper for everyone involved if we recombine our accounts now that I’m out on my own again.  Which makes my head hurt in strange and terrible ways and christ this is already 150 words and I haven’t actually done the complaining yet.

Long story short: dealing with cellphone companies sucks; just… like, take my money and go away, but don’t take enough that I notice, and if I feel like I need a degree in calculus to figure out how much my bill is going to be then maybe your billing procedure might be too complicated.

(Don’t explain how the Frenemy plan works, or whatever the fuck it’s called.  I get it.  What is happening right now is called venting, and it is not always rational.)

Sprint’s biggest sin?  (I thought I was done.  Guess not.) They had Macklemore playing in their store, and now I’m at home listening to Macklemore while I’m writing this, and I’m angry that they’re making me listen to Macklemore.  I remember threatening to review The Heist right after the Grammys happened, and never actually getting around to it.  Here’s the review: parts of The Heist are really good, or at least they would be if I didn’t have the overwhelming feeling all the time that Macklemore was actually an enormous fratboy douchebag (probably true) and that the entire goddamn album was secretly an enormous piss-take, which is possibly not true.   If you feel the need to mention your SAT score in your rap album and your rap album is not about what a nerd you are you may want to rewrite a bit.  Watsky could get away with that, maybe; Macklemore can’t.

That said, “Can’t Hold Us” is a banger, and the line that’s what you get when Wu-Tang raised you keeps making me think the guy has some idea of what hiphop is actually about. Then the rest of the album does its best to convince me that “Can’t Hold Us” is a fluke.

Also, I don’t know what Ryan Lewis’ contribution to the album actually was, but I do know he was the guy who literally yanked Queen Latifah out of the way so Madonna could hobble out onto stage at the Grammys, so I hate his face and want to punch it.  The end.

Wait, no: the girl who did all of the computering for us while we were in the store was not only really cute but she had a Batman logo painted on one of her fingernails and a nicely subtle Batman leather bracelet too and I thought about trying to marry her but my dad and my wife were there and at least one of them would probably have been upset with that.

The end.