STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS is a miserable, wonderful mess of a movie: a spoiler-filled #review

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OKAY.  Here’s the deal, children.  I was going to put this behind an actual password and decided against it.  I will, instead, drop all of the spoilery parts behind a jump.  And understand me: DO NOT READ THIS REVIEW UNTIL YOU SEE THE MOVIE.  I intend to spoil every second of the film that I can remember, and chances are I’m going to get some stuff wrong, and chances are some of the stuff I’m going to complain about is going to be resolved satisfactorily in future films, and I may make some shit up partway through just for the sheer hell of it.

But see the fucking movie before you read this.

Note also that virtually the entire review is going to be complaining and nitpicking.  This is because I am a horrible person and I enjoy that sort of thing.  I am not standing in front of you in the theater holding this review in front of your face, so since I’m telling you in paragraph 3 that this is what you’re about to read, I’d like to suggest that if you already know you don’t want to read that sort of thing, you skip my review.  I bet you can find at least one more site on the web talking about Star Wars if you are very good at Google and look very carefully.

Okay?  Okay.  Let’s get started.

Continue reading “STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS is a miserable, wonderful mess of a movie: a spoiler-filled #review”

STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS, spoiler-free #review

Daisy_Ridley_Episode_VII.pngThere will be a spoiler review, although I’m not committing to writing it tonight.  If I do, it’ll be password-protected.  The password will be SKYWALKER, all caps.  Just so you know.

Note that for the purposes of this conversation “spoiler” means “something you do not already know if you have watched the trailers and seen the toys.”

So.  We ready?  Okay.

(Sits and thinks for ten minutes)

(May not, in fact, be ready)

…I actually don’t know what I thought of that, guys.  I Tweeted a one-word review after walking out of the theater, and the one word was “Worthy.”  And I’ll stick with that, and I’ll say that if you’re a Star Wars fan you should definitely see this movie, and if you’re not a Star Wars fan you probably ought to see this movie anyway.  In fact, I think that there are some weaknesses to the film that will only be visible to people who have seen the movies a million times before.

I will say that this movie features two of the finest performances– from Adam Driver and Daisy Ridley– that I have ever seen in a Star Wars movie.  In fact, screw it, there’s no competition: Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver have the two best performances in Star Wars history, period, and their scenes together are amazing.

I guess that’s a spoiler.  Rey and Kylo Ren meet, guys.  I hope I didn’t just ruin the movie for you.  Some of the other performances are not as good.  Harrison Ford is mostly kind of embarrassing, actually, although he redeems himself toward the end of the film.

Here’s part of my frustration, and I think I can do this without getting into details: a lot of this movie isn’t going to be something I can fairly evaluate until I see at least the next film.  If you’re someone who will see that as a weakness… well, be prepared for it.  There’s a lot of stuff quickly passed over, or not explained, or just assumed, and I’m okay with waiting until Episodes 8 or 9 to fill in some of the details.  If you aren’t like that, adjust expectations downward.

I have a very tangled relationship with my own Star Wars fandom, guys, and if you’ve been following my blog since the first trailers for this dropped you may have felt some of that ambivalence.  I was in line, in costume, for three days for Episode I.  I saw it ten times in the theater.  By the time Episode III came out the lines really weren’t a phenomenon any longer, but I still saw that one at least two or three times.  Right now, my main relationship to Star Wars is through the books, and the books by and large have not been very good lately.  My wife and I talked last week about watching a Star Wars movie a day until this one came out.  We didn’t rewatch any of them.  I can’t bring myself to any longer.  I can no longer enjoy watching the prequels; a decade-plus of arguing about them has drained whatever fun they might once have had out of them, and even the thought of watching the OT frustrates me now because the movies have been altered so much and in so many different ways that I no longer even feel like I know what I’m watching.  The way I’ve phrased it before is that I will love Star Wars until I die; I’m just not interested in being a fan any longer.

I’m not sure this movie helped.  I told my wife earlier that my main goal was to not be sad when I walked out of the theater, and I wasn’t.  But that was a couple of hours ago, and the initial exhilaration has already worn off and I’m not sure what it’s been replaced with.

I can’t take my son to it, either.  Not yet.

There’s going to be a Star Wars movie a year forever now, guys.  That was the last one we get to look forward to.  Was it a worthy Star Wars film?  Did JJ do a good job?  Yeah.  Do I want to see it again?  Sure.

I’m just not sure if I’m happy about it.

TODAY

Tomorrow

#WeekendCoffeeShare: Geek Dad edition

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If we were having coffee, we’d be talking Star Wars.  There’s little or nothing else to talk about.  I’ll be seeing The Force Awakens Friday afternoon– granted, after many people have seen it already (oh, were I just younger; I spent three days waiting in line outside in costume for Phantom Menace tickets, and there were widespread roars of delight when it was reported that the then-fledgling-technology MoviePhone was crashed as hell) but I have a kid now and that means I don’t get to go to late evening shows on weeknights anymore.

But: there are six days until I get to see a new Star Wars movie, and given what Disney plans to do to the franchise this is probably the last time that that feeling will ever get to be special.  I’m honestly kind of surprised that there isn’t a trailer ready for Rogue One yet.  Six days is a rather convenient number, as there are also six Star Wars movies and I’ll be watching one a day until I see the new one.  Hopefully sometime over winter break we’ll be taking the boy to see it; I’m still concerned that it’s going to end up being too scary for him, and that’s one of the few ways in which the film could end up genuinely disappointing me, because I’m really invested in taking my son to see his first movie soon, and that movie needs to be Star Wars.

I’m trying to decide exactly how much I need to be restricting my internet access this week.  I haven’t been avoiding spoilers, particularly, but I have decided that I know enough about the movie and don’t really need to know or see any more until I see it.  Wanton theorizing with friends is fine, but I don’t want to know any more and so I’ll probably need to be turning the computer off and writing some posts early toward the end of the week.

How about you?  You’re going to see the movie, or you wouldn’t be having coffee with me.  Any big preparations for Star Wars?

GUEST BLOG: Rose Fischer, author of WRITE AWAY: QUICK GUIDE TO CHARACTER FLAWS

I’m home by now, or at least I’d better be.  One more guest blog anyway, because there’s a REAL good chance I want to sleep in this morning.  In fact, hopefully I’m still in bed.  Regular programming resumes tomorrow.  Today’s guest blogger: Rose Fischer!


Rosecartoonwink.jpgI lurk in a lot of writing groups and forums.  I participate now and then, but mostly I lurk.  It’s the online equivalent of people watching.  I get lots of ideas that way.  So, if you see me listed as a member of any group that you belong to, be advised.  I’m watching you!

One way I do like to participate is to answer questions.  Over the summer I noticed that the same questions would come up over and over.  Answers were a mixed bag.  Some were awesome. Others were clearly composed while the author was smoking a big chunk of her living room carpet.  Eventually, I got tired of answering the same questions.  So, I thought, “Hey!” Why don’t I put all these answers into ebook form where I can go into more detail than I can in a comment!”

Then I said, “Great idea, self!  Now you have to pick a question to answer and come up with examples to illustrate your points.”

“You mean like a blog post?” I asked.

“Sure! But probably longer than a blog post.  Maybe 3 or 4 posts put together.”

“Okay…STAR WARS!”

“Well, that was random.  What about Star Wars?”

“Star Wars is awesome! All of my best writing related posts have used Star Wars examples!”

“Okay,” I nodded. “So what are you going to do with Star Wars this time?”

“People keep asking about how to come up with character flaws. It seems like they don’t realize that if they have a story at all, they already have the basis for flawed characters. I could talk all about Luke Skywalker and now he goes from this whiny, self-absorbed naïve little idiot to a big cocky still-self-absorbed idiot and then turns into a serene, kickass Jedi idiot who totally underestimates…”

“Whoa, whoa whoa.  Slow down there, cowgirl. Everybody already knows you don’t like Luke.  Why don’t you write a book about character flaws that uses Han and Leia?” I suggested, in my best diplomatic Jedi voice.

“What?! Han and Leia don’t have any flaws!”

“Of course they do.  Leia’s got major tunnel vision and a chip on her shoulder.  Han’s greedy, jaded, as self-absorbed as Luke any day of the week–”

“STOP SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT HAN!”

I rubbed my eyes and said, “Okay, look.  Why don’t we compromise here.  We can write a book that uses Luke, Han, and Leia ALL as examples and examines how their flaws are actually the inverse of their positive traits.”

character flaws.jpg“Okay, FINE.  I’ll go write a dumb book that’s totally fair and treats all three of them equally.  And I won’t even act like I think Luke is a complete numbskull or make farmboy jokes or reference Mara Jade calling him farmboy.  Are you happy?”

“Yes.  I’m very happy.  And I think everyone should go buy our book now.  And stop making threats about men in white coats.”

So yeah.  I also talk to myself a lot.  This is my new ebook.

It’s not crazy, I promise.  You should buy it if you’re a writer who likes Star Wars.  Even if you think Luke Skywalker is cool.


Rose B. Fischer is an avid fan of Star Wars, foxes, Stargate: SG-1, and Star Trek.  She would rather be on the Enterprise right now.

Since she can’t be a Starfleet Officer, she became a speculative fiction author whose stories feature women who defy cultural stereotypes.

In her fictional worlds, gender is often fluid, sexuality exists on a spectrum, and “disability” does not define an individual.  She publishes science fiction, science fantasy, horror, and biographical essays.

If you haven’t been scared away, you can connect with her on her:

Website http://rosebfischer.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rose.b.fischer

email: rosebfischer1@gmail.com

#Review: LOST STARS, by @ClaudiaGray

518FIzHQEGL._SX329_BO1,204,203,200_.jpgI’ve not liked the new, post-Disney Star Wars books all that much, as a lot of you know.  Chuck Wendig’s AFTERMATH was the first one I felt like I could recommend, and I had my reservations about that one as well.  Claudia Grey’s LOST STARS, ostensibly a YA book but you basically can’t tell beyond the font size, is easily the best of them that I’ve read, and the first I can recommend wholeheartedly.  If you like Star Wars, you should read LOST STARS.  If you like Star Wars books, you should drop what you’re doing and read LOST STARS, because I think you want to have read this when the new movie comes out.

The premise is the most YA thing about it.  The main characters are a boy and a girl, from the same planet but vastly different social strata within that planet, who meet as children and first become best friends, join the Empire together, rise in rank, fall in love, and then one of them defects to the Rebellion.  Their– ahem– star-crossed love spans all three of the OT Star Wars films and the book ends just after the Battle of Jakku, which will apparently play an important role in The Force Awakens.  Those couple of shots of Rey in and/or speeding past the crashed Star Destroyer?  You see that Star Destroyer crash in this book.  The two main characters are in it at the time.

So, Romeo and Juliet, with lasers, right?  Well, yeah, I guess, but only if you nutshell it in a few paragraphs, and like I said the premise is the most YA part of the book.  The broad premise is purely Shakespearean; the actual execution will not leave anyone anything to complain about.  Claudia Gray, who I had previously not heard of but will be looking more closely into, manages to pull off a number of things in this book:

  • She manages to show how broad the Star Wars universe is despite starting with two characters from the same planet;
  • She avoids the constant problem of trying to Star Warsify common English expressions and animals, which happens far too often and drives me nuts;
  • She humanizes the Empire to a great degree without minimizing the fact that they’re the bad guys or being too ridiculous about it; while the character who stays with the Empire and doesn’t defect probably should have figured out what was going on a bit earlier, good cultural reasons are set up well before enlistment that make the decision-making process make some sense;
  • She inserts her characters into major scenes in all three of the Star Wars films without being overly Forrest Gump about it, to the point where I want to watch certain scenes to see if a snowspeeder does a certain move at a certain point (pretty sure it does) or if there is actually a character standing at a certain place in the background during certain scenes.
  • She manages to use the fact that Disney decided to wipe out the old continuity.  In fact, hell, this is the first book that changed things about the previous continuity and made me happy about it.

And then there are the hints about The Force Awakens.  Be aware that everything past this point is wanton speculation, and in fact I think I’m going to phrase it in a non-spoiler sort of way.  None of this is explicitly spelled out anywhere, but after carefully reading LOST STARS I believe I know the following:

  • I think I know where Luke Skywalker has been, and why;
  • I think I know why the good guys and the bad guys are now called the Resistance and the First Order rather than the Rebellion and the Empire;
  • I think I know who Kylo Ren is.

The last is the most tenuous, and I can come up with reasons I might be wrong, but if I’m right, it’s completely awesome and the fact that they hid those clues in a YA book that at least in the circles I move in didn’t get any real attention is fantastic.

So.  Yeah.  You need to read this book.

A couple of observations on that #EpisodeVII trailer

  • I still think this is going to be too scary for my son, which is very disappointing.  We haven’t even managed to get him through the OT  yet, which is my current greatest failure as a parent.  We have not tried the prequels.
  • I think my favorite thing about this is what they’ve done with the music.  The Force Awakens trailers have had a very different tone and feel than the previous six films, and this one is the most sonically different.  I really like it.
  • In the very last shot, Finn takes one look at Kylo Ren’s lightsaber and does a little hop backwards like he wasn’t expecting to see it.  You’re in trouble, bwah.
  • Speaking of John Boyega, make sure to check this out.
  • …and I haven’t mentioned Daisy Ridley’s Rey yet, but check this out too.
  • The amount of stuff I still know nothing about going into this movie is astounding.  Did you know Max von fucking Sydow is in this movie?  And NO ONE knows who the hell he’s playing?  That that’s Lupita Nyong’o’s Maz Kanata character doing the voiceover along with Rey and we don’t know what the hell she looks like?
  • My wife and I thought it was Leia; I don’t actually know Nyong’o’s voice, and am going by what everybody else is saying on that.
  • The shot of Rey descending into the bowels of the Star Destroyer is outstanding.
  • There’s been a lot of talk about the complete absence of Luke from these trailers, other than (presumably) the shadowy, robot-handed figure reaching for Artoo in that one shot.  Fewer people appear to be noticing the absence of C-3PO, who hasn’t appeared in a single shot in any of them.  I can come up with plenty of reasons to hide Luke.  Fewer for Threepio.
  • It’s looking more and more like the movies are going the opposite direction from where the original Expanded Universe went: Luke does not appear to have re-founded the Jedi order, and damn near no one has seen a Jedi in several generations (since the purge) by this point.  I wasn’t super happy with losing the EU but at least they’re not bothering to retread any of the same stories.

What did you think?