It hit us sometime this week that we hadn’t even considered the idea that our son might want to join us at the Pearl Jam Dark Matter Theatrical Experience. He didn’t, and he wouldn’t have enjoyed it, but it got me briefly looking at tickets again, which entertained me greatly. Our showing, the sole one available when the email went out from Ten Club in the first place, was nearly sold out, with only a few stray seats available. Ironically, one of them ended up being next to us, so the boy would have had a place to sit while he was simultaneously bored out of his mind and paralyzed by loud.
At some point they’d added a second screening and not told anyone. That one was happening at 8:45 PM, and it had sold about eight seats, which entertained me, as it suggested that a) everyone who wanted seats had bought them for the first show, and b) the vast majority of Pearl Jam fans are roughly my age, their late forties if not older, and had absolutely no interest in going to an 8:45 PM anything on a goddamned Tuesday.
I didn’t take the picture above– I snagged it from Reddit– but it gives you a pretty good idea of how the thing went. I am provisionally very happy with the album, more than I thought I’d be, and as a music lover the notion of sitting in the dark in a theater with a good sound system (critical, it turns out, and apparently some of the theaters weren’t well-chosen, but ours was fine) and listening to a new album by a band I love for the first time is pretty Goddamned appealing.
Unfortunately, the second listen, the one with the “mesmerizing visuals,” was a little half-assed. They put the lyrics on the screen, which was nice, as if you know PJ you’re already aware of how close to impossible Eddie can be to decipher on an early listen, but the visuals themselves basically amounted to a different high-res, movie-screen-sized screen saver for each song. They weren’t particularly thematically linked and they weren’t, like, in time with the music or reacting to it or anything. And for some reason the lyrics weren’t there for half of one of the later songs, for no clear reason. This appears to have been the print and not somehow the result of our theater, as there were other gripes about it on Reddit.
The point was the music, though, and again, I’m a big fan of the album. I’ll talk about it more once I’ve had a chance to listen to it at home– and, while I’m griping, it wouldn’t have killed them to put the name of the damn song up in the corner of the screen during the second listen, either– but it’s solid, and possibly their best work since Avocado. We’ll see.
There’s a new Pearl Jam album out this week, and unless something has gone very wrong, by the time you see this I should be sitting in the dark with a bunch of other flannel-clad nineties dorks listening to it. They’re doing this limited-engagement one-night-only movie theater thing, where they play the album, which is called Dark Matter, in complete darkness, and then play it again with what they’re calling “mesmerizing visuals.” So by the time I get home, I’ll have heard it twice, and hopefully I won’t stink of weed or have a headache. We’ll see.
Pearl Jam has been my favorite band for a very, very long time. During that time I have formed Opinions. And I saw a Reddit thread the other day that was asking if you could only keep two tracks from each Pearl Jam album, which ones would they be?
None of you care, I know, and this will absolutely take longer to write than will be worth it– I’m starting it on Monday night– but it’ll be fun, and oh also I have no intention of sticking to two songs, so here we go:
TEN (1991)
Best Song: Black, my favorite song, period. Indispensable Songs: Black, Jeremy, Alive, Release Best Song I Can Never Remember The Name Of: This might be their only album I can name every song from.
Let’s be real: every song on Ten must be kept, but if you put a gun to my head, it’d have to be those four. I could maybe — maybe— do without Oceans. But I can’t.
Vs. (1993)
Best Song: Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town, my second-favorite song. Indispensable Songs: EWBtCiaST, Animal, Daughter, WMA Best Song I Can Never Remember The Name Of: Go, because Pearl Jam also has Why Go and it messes with my head.
Vs. is another album that is burned into my head forever and I need damn near every song. I mean, maybe I could lose Glorified G in a pinch, or maybe Leash, but that’s about it.
Vitalogy (1994)
Best Song: Better Man Indispensable Songs: Better Man, Nothingman, Whipping, Corduroy, Bugs Best Song I Can Never Remember The Name Of: Stupid Mop, which I swear to God and sunny Jesus was called Hey foxymophandlemama, it’s me on the original album release.
Fun fact: Vitalogy is actually my favorite Pearl Jam album. I walked across Bloomington at midnight to buy a copy of this album on release date and then stayed up to listen to it, pissing my roommate off to no end. I am literally the world’s biggest fan of the song Bugs. I love this album.
No Code (1996)
Best Song: In My Tree Indispensable Songs: In My Tree, Red Mosquito, Off He Goes Best Song I Can Never Remember The Name Of: Red Mosquito
I didn’t like No Code the first time I heard it. I’m not sure what the hell I was thinking. I have every word of Red Mosquito memorized and I have no idea why I can never remember the damn song’s name. It’s literally in the first line. I’m not very bright sometimes.
Yield (1998)
Best Song: Wishlist Indispensable Songs: Wishlist, Given to Fly, Low Light, All Those Yesterdays, Faithful Best Song I Can Never Remember The Name Of: Brain of J.
I was in the middle of a heavy hip-hop phase when Yield came out, so it’s one of the very few Pearl Jam albums I didn’t pick up immediately upon release. And it took a while for it to click, as did a lot of the middle-career Pearl Jam albums. But it’s got some amazing stuff on it, especially when played live and Eddie can never get the words to Wishlist right.
Binaural (2000)
Best Song: Nothing As It Seems Indispensable Songs: Nothing As It Seems, Insignificance, Of the Girl, Parting Ways Best Song I Can Never Remember The Name Of: n/a
Binaural is one of the few Pearl Jam albums where I’m known to skip tracks, mostly because most of my favorite songs on this one are better live so honestly I don’t listen to it very often. I think it might be my least favorite of their studio albums, which doesn’t mean I don’t like it (I listened to it today on the way home from work, in fact) but something has to be my least favorite album.
Riot Act (2002)
Best Song: Love Boat Captain Indispensable Songs: Love Boat Captain, I am Mine, All or None, Cropduster Best Song I Can Never Remember The Name Of: Absolutely fucking Cropduster.
Love Boat Captain was our song at our wedding, and was quoted in the program: Hold me, and make it the truth/ That when all is lost, there will be you. This entire album is indispensable.
Fun fact: I’ve spelled indispensable wrong every single time I’ve typed it in this post, including that time, where I accidentally put an “e” after the “d.”
Lost Dogs (2003)
Best Song: Down Indispensable Songs: Down, Yellow Ledbetter, Hard to Imagine, Dead Man Walking, Last Kiss Best Song I Can Never Remember The Name Of: Drifting, because they also have a song called Drifting Away
Technically a two-disc collection of rarities and b-sides and not a true studio album, Lost Dogs is still a fantastic collection even if the ludicrous Gremmie Out of Control and Dirty Frank are on it.
Pearl Jam (2006)
Best Song: Oh god this is hard World Wide Suicide Indispensable Songs: World Wide Suicide, Life Wasted, Gone, Come Back, Inside Job Best Song I Can Never Remember The Name Of:None on this one
My god, I love this album. Affectionately known as the Avocado Album, I saw them at Lollapalooza while they were touring for this release, and I love it. I love it all. Absolutely the best of their post-nineties releases.
Backspacer (2009)
Best Song: Just Breathe Indispensable Songs: Just Breathe, Unthought Known, Amongst the Waves Best Song I Can Never Remember The Name Of: Force of Nature
I also saw them on tour for this one, at Deer Creek. Backspacer has always felt like them stepping back and taking a breath after Avocado, but there’s definitely some good stuff on here. It’s super short at only 37 minutes, though, so there’s no way for it not to feel a little unimportant in comparison.
Lightning Bolt (2013)
Best Song: Sirens Indispensable Songs: Sirens, Swallowed Whole, Sleeping By Myself, Yellow Moon, Future Days Best Song I Can Never Remember The Name Of: Swallowed Whole
I don’t give Lightning Bolt enough credit, I think, because it’s organized so oddly– all of the best songs are in the back half of the album, and other than Sirens I don’t really love any of the first six or seven tracks. That last third or so, though, is phenomenal.
Gigaton (2020)
Best Song: Dance of the Clairvoyants Indispensable Songs: Dance of the Clairvoyants, Seven O’Clock, Comes Then Goes, River Cross Best Song I Can Never Remember The Name Of: Seven O’Clock
I really love Gigaton, although I admit I don’t know it nearly as well as many of their other albums– probably because I’m not buying the concert bootlegs as fanatically as I used to and so I don’t have live recordings of any of the songs on it. Every time I listen to it I’m surprised at how good it is, which you’d think I’d have gotten over after four years. It’s not as lopsided as Lightning Bolt, either, so I really don’t have an excuse.
And there you have it. I’ll have heard Dark Matter by now, or at least be listening to it, and I am a big fan of the first two tracks, but we’ll see. The environment might have me come out raving about it or if it’s not as positive as I want it to be, it might hurt my opinion of the album. I can also imagine a world where I’m tired from work (ILEARN started today) and don’t really want to be out in public. I’m sure there will be a review of it soon one way or another.
It was, all told, a pretty good day, with several hours of video games in the morning, some quality time with my wife, a visit to my parents, a couple of minor projects completed, and I finished a book.
Oh, and then I got home and saw this, somehow for the first time, ever, and it has improved the quality of my entire life by at least 2-3%.
(This next one is a bonus video; I don’t actually have time to watch it right now but I suspect it will go well when I do.)
Okay, I had a post in my head, and there were going to be words and punctuation and maybe a laugh or two and a whole bunch of other shit. Then, for reasons that are not interesting, I saw this video, and now all I want to know is what the shit was going on in the eighties. Because what the fuck.
Reagan was in office while this shit was happening. How does that and this even coexist?
Something has occurred to me. My brother, who has gotten the good looks in our family, has dressed as Axl Rose for Halloween on at least a couple of occasions, and has a phenomenal costume.
My physique is more appropriate for Homer Simpson.
Next Halloween, we’re both dressing as Axl, only I’m going to make him wear a sign around his neck with “1987” on it. I will dress identically and wear a sign around my neck reading “2014.”
It will be brilliant.
In other news, I’m about to go spend a week’s salary, literally, on new clothes.
I have purchased what seems like a considerable amount of music over the summer. I feel like this list says something about me (other than “this sucker still pays for music,”) but I’m not exactly sure what:
Matisyahu, Akeda
Murs and ¡Mayday!, Mursday
Mika, The Boy Who Knew Too Much and Life in Cartoon Motion
YG, My Krazy Life
3rd Bass, Derelicts of Dialect
Macy Gray, Covered
Phish, Fuego
Nappy Roots, The Pursuit of Nappyness
Tom Waits, Mule Variations
Weird Al Yankovic, Mandatory Fun
Lou Reed, Transformer
Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, Hypnotic Eye
Toss in half-a-dozen or so individual tracks, too.
In case you’re wondering, there’s a Guardians of the Galaxy review coming, but probably not today. I need to let this one roll around in my head a bit; the review’s gonna be more mixed than I wanted it to be but the parts I liked I liked a lot.
Be honest. No Googling. How many of you know who Tom Waits is, beyond a vague association with music or acting? And if you know who he is at all, what kind of musician do you think he is? (These are honest questions; feel free to answer in comments, even if the answer is “I’ve never heard of him” or “You’re an idiot for never having heard of him.”)
The wife and I have been marathoning Season 2 of Orange is the New Black, and for only the second time the closing musical number of a show has gotten me to spend money on music. (The first was an episode of Defiance that closed with Civil Twilight’s amazing cover of Nirvana’s Come As You Are. The weirdest thing that’s ever led to me spending money on music was hearing Jeffrey Gaines’ cover of In Your Eyes over the in-store sound system in a Chipotle and insisting that the manager tell me what the hell they were playing.)
Anyway. Right. So the seventh or eighth episode of OitNB Season Two ends with a substantial portion of Waits’ Come On Up to the House playing. It’s an awesome freaking song, and since I was in an expansive mood (and I love new music) I downloaded the entire album it was on, on the spot. I had heard of Waits, but mostly because he was awesome in Mystery Men, one of the most underrated movies ever. I had a vague idea that he was a bluesman; Come On Up to the House is certainly bluesy.
Guys, I’ve listened to Mule Variations three goddamn times now. Tom Waits is either the greatest musician of all time or an assault on the very concept of music itself. I don’t know which.
First things first: the damn album is called Mule Variations, for fuck’s sake. Do mules vary? I don’t know. I think mules are pretty much just mules. It’s a clue, though, as to how the album is going to go; he took two words that don’t belong together and slapped them together to make a word-salad phrase that, grammatically at least, oughtto make sense but doesn’t. I listened to the first half of this album on the way home from OtherJob and I honestly don’t know how the hell I made it home because I was so confused.
You’ve seen Belushi’s impression of Joe Cocker, right? Here, just in case the answer was no:
(Crap, it won’t embed right, and I can’t find it on YouTube. Click.)
Okay. Now imagine what it would be like if Joe Cocker did an impression of John Belushi doing an impression of Joe Cocker.
That’s what Tom Waits sounds like. His voice is like nothing I’ve ever heard; he sounds like he’s just growling for half of the songs and it’s rarely immediately clear what the hell he’s saying. You want to do a credible Tom Waits impression? Gargle. I’m fucking serious. And it’s probably better if you’re gargling bourbon instead of water. Although I feel like that has at least a chance of killing you so you probably shouldn’t do it. It’s as if Leonard Cohen and Junior Kimbrough beat each other to death and somebody stitched a zombie singer together with the parts that still sorta worked right, soaked it in brine, and animated it, only then the zombie got cancer of the vocal cords. I’ve never heard anything like it.
Get used to that sentence.
The production on the album is the dirtiest nastiest filthiest stuff I’ve ever heard, and I think I mean that as a compliment. There’s at least one track where the vocals and the music simply do not match at all. Like there were two different producers completely, and they weren’t allowed to talk to each other. Track 8 is called What’s He Building In There?. It’s a spoken-word track. Imagine that Pink Floyd vomited on Allan Ginsberg. Other tracks are called– I am not making this up– Eyeball Kid and Filipino Box Spring Hog, which makes absolutely no goddamned sense at all. Filipino Box Spring Hog may actually involve a DJ.
There is a track where I’m pretty sure a string breaks on someone’s guitar partway through, and they just kept going and left it in. On another, there’s a loud thump at one point, like someone in the studio dropped a heavy box. They left it in.
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