In which people search

I was all ready to give up on the idea of a blog post today, and then I happened to glance at my search results, and found this gem:

What, uh, post do you think THAT little search gem led to?

Well, this one, as it turns out, on page 3 of the results, which is yet another point in favor of my theory that people don’t have any idea how the hell to use Internet searches effectively– they just type in words and then click on page after page of results no matter what those results lead to.

Just, hell, when your necrophile murderer porn fantasies lead you here, make sure to buy a book before you go.

In which the world refuses to generate posts for me

Let’s see.  Here’s what’s going on lately:

  • I’m trying to 100% Spider-Man PS4, which has mostly meant letting the boy take over every now and again so he can go catch criminals;
  • I’m losing steam on Red Dead Redemption 2, which is suffering from a not-moving-fast-enough main story and way too much to do in the rest of the game, leading to option paralysis;
  • I’m rereading the Broken Earth books by N.K. Jemisin, which continue to be awesome, and are in fact better now that I’m rereading/binging them;
  • I have heard that we get both a Captain Marvel and an Avengers 4 trailer this week, which … well, prepare for enthusiasm on my part about that; 
  • I had a dream last night about The Goddamn Skylights Sequel, where someone else wrote it for me and published it and it was OK for me to take all the credit;
  • I am starting to think about the annual 10 Best New(*) Books I Read This Year post, and kind of wish I had thought to do a 10 Best New(*) Books I Read From 2013-2018 post last year, when it would have been a nice even five years.  Maybe I’ll do that this year for the past six.
  • I need about 5000 pageviews in December to have had more blog traffic than last year.  That ought to be a very achievable number the way things have been going lately so long as traffic doesn’t crater too hard around Christmas.
  • Work is fine, but I have way too many meetings coming in the next couple of weeks and I’m not remotely prepared for the one I have tomorrow.  Hopefully there’s going to be a way to compress the schedule for the pre-meeting training (yeah, that’s a thing) that I looked at once and abandoned once I realized how many 20-minute videos they wanted me to watch.
  • The fastest way to get me to abandon doing anything is to expect me to watch videos of any length at all, by the way, and I can’t believe people don’t realize that.  I can’t speed up a video and I don’t have 17 uninterruptible minutes right now, so you go to hell and I’m not gonna watch any of it.
  • I’m working on doubling my Twitter following.  20K or bust!
  • I discovered today, in the process of reading about and laughing at Tumblr’s decision to set itself on fire on the 17th, that I still have a Tumblr.  So I fiddled around on Tumblr for a while.  I still don’t know what the hell Tumblr is.  

None of that was worth a post on its own, but hopefully all together there was something interesting in there.  What’s going on in your end of the world?

Once you see it…

IMG_2061…which, hell, probably won’t even take that long, you won’t be able to unsee it.

Not much happened today, other than some work in the bathroom (yes, that’s still a thing) while my parents watched the boy.  And then all the sudden we finish our pizza dinner and I look at my watch and holy crap how is it 7:00 already?  

So, yeah.  I’ve sorta been bereft of interesting things to say lately, sorry about that.  But at least there’s this lovely picture to look at.

Three times is a pattern

You might recall my post “In which my wife destroyed my childhood– and you can too!,” wherein I discovered that the Sesame Street characters on a blanket that my grandmother had made for me and which I had owned since I was a toddler were all reading books that referenced sex or erotica.  Yes, that happened.  Go ahead, click the link.

I would just like to point out that my son and I were watching a newish Sesame Street episode this morning, and I damn near did a spit-take of my coffee during the opening bit, which featured Bert reading a book called… Fifty Shades of Oatmeal.

This shit is not an accident.  🙂

In which I mostly talk about gross stuff

SNOTBABY

First things first, a question for the WordPress folks: are you seeing a new big “Go Premium” button showing up constantly when you go to your dashboard?  Or am I just special?  I’ve hit a few traffic/followers/number of posts milestones recently, right around when I started noticing it, and the timing seems suspicious.  I’m wondering if they figure I’m a good target for the advertising.  (They’re right, and I’m probably doing it soon.)

Today featured projectile vomit.

That sentence originally had a comma and some follow-up afterwards, but really, whenever I can start a description of my day using the phrase “projectile vomit,” I probably really don’t need to elaborate a whole lot further.  It also featured a case conference for one of my massively autistic students (as opposed to my mildly autistic ones) that took place while the student in question went AWOL from class and spent the entire conference merrily roaming the halls and fleeing from security.  Which, honestly, ended up being rather convenient, as Mom was in the midst of proclaiming that she didn’t believe he really did that when I walked into the conference and let everyone know that I had no idea where the hell he was.  He’d fled the room when my back was turned.  He’s done it two or three times this week.  We thought we’d gotten the behavior under control over the last couple of months but it’s returned with a vengeance over the last couple of weeks for some reason.

I’ve already inflicted this on both Facebook and Twitter, so you may as well see it too:  PornMD has decided for some reason to give the world a webpage that does nothing but display a constant live-scrolling list of all the searches their website gets, which is twenty times more horrifying and engrossing than it sounds.  Especially great are the misspellings:  my favorite is “amiture deapthrought.”  Which was right before “grandpa fuck young guy” and “Italian feet,” which are spelled right but startlingly specific.  I saw a search yesterday for “Salieri”– just that word– which led me down a mental road where I was trying to figure out how classical music porn might work before discovering that both Mario and Kitty Salieri (no idea if they’re related) are porn stars.  I’ll, uh, leave it to you guys to Google that.

(Also, hilariously, PornMD’s Twitter account favorited and RT’ed my tweet about the site.)

But, yeah, right.  I was talking about projectile vomit.

(I’ve never typed that sentence before.)

It’s actually not much of a story, but one of my kids was being sluggish and sleepy all through class, which caused me to go over and make him sit up a few times.  To my detriment, I didn’t remember that his little brother, who is in my first and second hour class, was out sick today.  In my favor, the dummy coulda told me he was sick at any point during class and I’d have remembered his brother was out and I’d have sent him to the nurse immediately.  He got up at one point and got the trash can and brought it over next to his desk; I told him to take a walk, which is generally understood by my kids to mean “keep the damn trash can and head for the bathroom.”  For some reason he chose not to do that, instead going out into the hallway, without the trash can, which he set down by the door, waiting for me to have a perfect moment of attention and silence from my class, and then noisily and spectacularly upchucking in the hallway outside my room.  Go home, foolish boy, and if you come back tomorrow I’m going to be terribly annoyed with you.

Also, Jihad’s expelled again, for good this time, I believe.  He will not be missed.