Dilemma the First: I have a student this year who is quite easily the most profoundly disabled kid I’ve ever had in my classroom. Today, somehow in my room without his supposed-to-be-constant paraprofessional– someone else just brought him into the room in his wheelchair and left— he got out of said wheelchair to lie down on the floor and cry about how he wasn’t allowed to use his iPad in his previous class. He has spoken to me a few times. I have only understood perhaps 20% of what he has said to me. I have, literally, no idea how I might educate him, and even less idea why he is in a mainstreamed classroom.

Sub-Dilemma: I haven’t read any of my IEPs yet, including this kid’s, and I am terrified of what I might find in it. I am hoping to find time to read IEPs this weekend.

Dilemma the Second: Kamala Harris is speaking after my bedtime tonight, and I am not sure how I am going to be both asleep and watching her speech. Furthermore, there is a Big Surprise coming tonight, and I am not only not sure what the Big Surprise might be (Taylor Swift will endorse Harris and then announce a new album the day after the election, but only if Harris wins) but I also don’t know when it is, and I bet I’ll be in bed for it too. I have otherwise ignored both conventions this year, although some of the clips I’ve seen on TikTok have made me regret not paying more attention to the Democratic one.

Dilemma the Third: I have too many video games to play and books to read. I need another month before school starts, please. Black Myth Wukong just came out and I’m still not really done with the Elden Ring DLC. Can we redo the calendar?

Dilemma the Fourth: My son turns 13 tomorrow, meaning that I will be the father of a teenager, which is incomprehensible. Unfortunately, he is also his mother’s son in addition to being my son, which means that he doesn’t want anything for his birthday and also won’t commit to making any plans. This is not teenagerdom and wanting to avoid his parents raring its head; it’s his biological destiny. I am the only fucker on either side of my family who it is possible to buy things for. It’s bloody annoying.

Dilemma the Fifth: I have not quite told the truth in Dilemma the Fourth. He would like a “gamer laptop.” He has never touched Windows and does not know a single damn thing about how computer specs work. We’d be looking at $1000 easy and probably $16-1700 for a decent rig (“decent,” not “good”) so that he can play Minecraft.

Dilemma the Sixth: I will likely talk about this more in the future, but my co-teacher in one of my classes sucks. I need her to not suck. I have never actually had to have a “you suck at this and you need to stop” conversation with an adult before and am not sure how to approach it. One presumes I should not actually say the words “you suck at this and you need to stop.”

Dilemma the Seventh: I intended for this to be one or two dilemmas and I have like four more without thinking about it too hard but, again, I’d like to be reading and/or playing video games. So I’m gonna stop now.