I’ve been teaching for 20 years, or, at least, this is year 20. In that time, I have seen a lot of ridiculous shit. Put two or three experienced teachers in a room together and encourage them to tell stories and it can go on for hours, and that’s before I give the other person a chance to talk.

Something happened in my classroom today that has never happened– not only in my career, but I’m pretty sure in my entire school experience, even as a student.

Think back to when you were in school. Remember when that kid puked? Of course you do. You may not remember a single other thing about that kid other than that one time that they puked, but you absolutely remember that one time that kid puked. Everyone has at least one of these stories, and some of us, in theory at least, have to be the kid who puked. But everyone remembers somebody.

I had a kid tell me earlier today that he wasn’t feeling well. I asked him if he needed the nurse and he said no, but asked if he could go to the bathroom. I gave him a pass and sent him on his way. He was back in a reasonable amount of time and I checked in on him when he came back and he said he was feeling better. I chalked it up to temporary intestinal distress and forgot all about it.

During my prep period I happened to throw something away in the trash can next to my desk and discovered, rather disconcertingly, that there was an enormous pool of puke in the bottom of my trash can. We’ll skip the part where I tracked the sick kid down and insisted he see the nurse; it’s not important or especially interesting, other than when he told me he hadn’t asked to go because he didn’t want to get sent home, which … maybe raises a red flag or two? I’m gonna keep a close eye. No, this isn’t that story.

The story is that during this kid’s class period I have not only 20-some-odd other kids, but there are two adults in the room, and this kid managed to vomit into a trash can and absolutely fucking no one noticed. I didn’t hear it. I didn’t see it. I didn’t smell it. Neither did anyone else, because 8th graders are absolutely biologically incapable of ignoring puke, as you might well expect them to be. And this isn’t, like, he threw up in his mouth and then just spat it out or something minor like that. He had to have lost most of the contents of his stomach into this trash can. There had to have been heaving. Horking, if you will. And he did it completely invisibly.

I’d be impressed if I wasn’t so horrified.