still here

The antibiotics are … helping? I think? But I’m not sure? And I’ve mostly been playing Nioh 2 and occasionally emailing students and trying to sleep a lot. If I were to write a real post right now it would just be 700 words calling on Bernie Sanders to drop out, or maybe something about how I can’t seem to keep myself from checking in on this website a dozen times a day to watch the world end, so you aren’t missing much.

A couple of things that seem related but probably aren’t

I’ve been sick all week. I spent one damn day at C2E2 and I’ve had a sore throat for a week as a result; I stayed home from work yesterday (and did not get paid for it, as I’m out of sick days) because when I woke up I found myself completely unable to talk. My voice is still not remotely normal today, and I lost it a couple of times at work today, but not quite as bad as yesterday morning. I did not factor being out a day’s pay into the cost of C2E2, and that loss combined with not being able to swallow for a week has pushed the trip well into “not worth it” territory.


As of this afternoon, I have cancelled my one existing convention commitment for the rest of the year; I was going to go to IndyPopCon in July and have reconsidered those plans. I’ve been doing Kokomo-Con every year for three or four years now; I’m not signed up this year and I think I’m going to skip that as well. While I could probably mumble a bit about coronavirus or something like that and, Jesus, I’m absolutely certain I’ll have that the second it hits Indiana, the simple fact is that these cons have gotten very samey over the last few years and, unfortunately, I’ve started to lose interest in pushing books to strangers. I’m not really working on anything at the moment, I haven’t been in a while, and while that will probably change eventually it’s not gonna change soon. I need to hit reset on a lot of things, and stepping away from cons for at least the rest of 2020 seems like a good idea even without a global pandemic fucking things up during an election year. I just don’t need it.

(I have been sick every two weeks, if not more frequently, since August, to the point where I’m starting to wonder if there’s something in my classroom making me sick, or something going on with my immune system that I need to have looked at. I have never, ever been this consistently sick in seventeen years of teaching. Not close.)

(The blog is not going anywhere. The blog is essential to my mental health. I will keep writing here even if literally no one is reading it.)

My Patreon is probably not long for this world either, as I don’t pay enough attention to it to feel good about charging people, and I basically forgot it existed in February and then charged everyone anyway. If I can’t come up with a use for it in March that I’m actually going to stick to I’m going to pack it up at the end of the month. I don’t mind the extra little piece of change that I get from it every month (and it’s a little piece of change; don’t get me wrong) but I’m not going to take it from people if I’m not giving them something useful in return, and right now that’s not happening.

Anyway. I’m okay, don’t worry about it; I just need to do some reassessing and reprioritizing, and the simple fact is it’s been going on for a while now, I’m just admitting it and making it official. I’m gonna lie low for most of the rest of this year. We’ll see what happens in 2021.

Ow

In the midst of one of the worst I-don’t-get-migraines-so-maybe-that’s-not-what-this-is episodes of my life, where I’ve got what feels like something inside my head trying to push my right eye out. It sucks and I’m trying to avoid screens or, really, looking at anything at all, and given my proclivities and hobbies and basically my life that’s a bit more complicated for me than for some people.

I’ll be back, if I don’t die. Or if my eye doesn’t pop out.

Nope

I wasn’t feeling well yesterday– had a one-day case of the stomach flu that’s been going around for the last couple of weeks, I think– and I was in bed for the night by six, so I didn’t post. Today I have been in a simmering rage for the entire day for no clear reason that I can identify. In a few minutes I’m going to take one of my “only on really bad days” brain pills and try and get an assignment pulled together for my 7th graders tomorrow and I think that’s going to be all I can accomplish for the day.

Something more normal tomorrow, I hope.

I’m alive

It would be just like me to suddenly go radio-silent before a major milestone number; be it known that I have the worst case of bronchitis I’ve had in years, didn’t make it to work at all this week, and am about to go to bed for about the fourth time today.

I’m alive, but I’m not enjoying it.