Take a look at that there can of Mountain Dew. Just take a second and look at it.
Oh, wait, I’m sorry, I meant “Mtn Dew,” since the company decided that a weird abbreviation instead of a perfectly normal word was how they wanted to be known from now on. I assume trademarks are involved somehow and either way I think it’s stupid.
If you follow me on Twitter or on Instagram (and if you don’t, why not, dammit?) you may already be aware that I discovered a truly epic splat of bird shit on the door of my car when I left for work this morning– fully four or five inches wide, big enough that I have to assume it came from the bald eagle that’s been spotted around here recently, because normal birds don’t shit this big. I mean, hell, it was a big enough splat of bird shit that I took a picture of it and put that picture on the Internet, and I don’t feel bad about it, because you would have done the exact same damn thing.
But anyway. That huge splat of bird shit meant that I needed to hit a gas station on the way home to clean it off. Also for gas. And also, as it turned out, for caffeine, since as soon as I got to the gas station I realized I needed Mountain Dew.
And then I saw that can, and I saw the flavor– for Christ’s sake, crafted green apple kiwi, which is absolutely guaranteed to not be anything I want to drink, and with a word in the name that does not belong there at all to boot– and, for no clear reason, I bought the can, because the can looked so good, and despite knowing that it wasn’t going to taste very good I spent money on it anyway.
This is a gatdamb miracle of marketing over my own good common sense, and I knew it at the time and did it anyway. And then discovered that the beverage itself was a poisonous-looking green in color, not far off from the pull tab at the top, and the color that we used to use for things like antifreezes to signal that they shouldn’t be consumed, and of course it tasted like ass. But Mtn Dew has my money, for something I didn’t want and knew beforehand I wouldn’t like, because yay cool can!
Just over a year ago I wrote this post about a shitty, shitty house full of shitty, shitty people near me that I noticed had been foreclosed on by the bank and sold at auction. The house was purchased and torn down nearly instantly, and is currently open green space. What I left out, because it wasn’t relevant, was that there was a second shitty house not far down the road from the first shitty house. These folks didn’t raise my ire because of the lack of white supremacist symbols on the house, and in fact it appeared to be abandoned anyway– but it must have been a terrible place to live in, because each and every time it rained, no matter how small of a rain, the entire front yard would flood. Heavy rain could leave puddles in the yard for weeks. I can only imagine the mold that must have been inside that house.
I drove past it Saturday night on the way home and the whole house was gone, leaving behind evidence of what sure as hell looked like an explosion. Today, with better light, I stopped and took a couple of pictures. Does this look like the results of a deliberate demolition to anyone?
This would have been where the house was and, I think, a bit of the back yard. You can see what looks like a piece of siding in the middle of this picture, but I promise there used to be a whole ass house there. The picture is taken from a distance because the place is surrounded by a fence. In particular, look at that tree on the right, and look at how it looks like the big branch bisecting that tree seems to have split the entire thing in half. What the shit happened here?
The house behind it, by the way, appears to be fine, and there’s no visible damage to any of the trees or the grass or anything on their lot.
This is a view of what would have been their front yard. None of that looks like construction or demolition debris to me– it all looks like exploded tree. I don’t even see anything that looks like a foundation anywhere– the house doesn’t have a footprint any longer at all.
I can’t find any news articles or any references to anything having happened there recently. I feel like if there had been a big fire or something there would have been an article about it– but nothing looks burned. Anybody have any theories?
I was, by the by, unable to fully clean off the birdshit. It’s gonna take a rainstorm.