So. Uh. Oops?
You may recall my misadventures in corn chippery over the weekend. The doctor at the ER who checked me out said she thought my tooth might be cracked, so I made an appointment with an actual dentist like a big boy to have it looked at. Now, this person is “my dentist” in the sense that ten years ago when the exact same thing happened to me (possibly not involving corn chips) his office was the one I went to. I’m not afraid of the dentist, I swear, I just … don’t prioritize it? So the last time I was in there was the last time I was in there.
Anyway, what I figured would happen was that they’d look at the tooth, do some X-rays, maybe a cleaning, and then make a recommendation for what to do about the tooth in the longer term. And if they tell me that the tooth needs to come out, so be it. I’m grown, I can handle a little tooth pull. It’ll be fine.
So. Dental assistant gently chided me for the length of time in between visits (fair) inspected my teeth (expected) took some X-rays (still following the script) and then called the dentist in, and then the whole damn thing went sideways.
“So, we’re gonna take that out today,” is how he started the conversation.
“Uh,” I said. “Today?”
“Right now,” he said, gesturing at a pile of tools behind him.
“About that,” I say, realizing that in a very real way my entire life has been leading up to the next three sentences that are about to come out of my mouth, “It’s my 10th anniversary? And I have reservations at an expensive steakhouse and tickets to Hamilton tonight? I am not throwing away my shot.”
And of course neither of them get it.
“What are you saying?” he asks.
“We are not going to be pulling any of my teeth today. I intend to be eating a large steak in about eight hours. I’ll make an appointment for next week.”
… it didn’t go over well.
So, serious question: I had not for a single second anticipated the possibility that absent an imminent dental emergency they were going to just go and yank a tooth out of my mouth on no notice. All of my training with medical procedures for my entire life has led me to believe that this is the decision flowchart:
- Make medical appointment to discuss/diagnose problem.
- Are you dying or in danger of imminent death? If yes, go to 4. If not, go to 3.
- Make second appointment sometime in the future to remedy problem.
- Do surgery, or radiation, or whatever.
So apparently I need to add a 2a, which reads are we gonna pull a tooth? and if the answer is yes you also go to 4.
Anyway, I stuck to my guns– turns out it’s awfully hard to convince me to let you yank a tooth out of my mouth if I didn’t wake up today prepared for tooth extraction and have very expensive uncancellable plans that will be totally screwed up if you try to pull my teeth– and now I have an appointment next Thursday for a tooth extraction.
Which I’m sure will be all sorts of fun and generate at least one more blog post.
(Please, somebody, speak up in comments and tell me if I should have been expecting this– because I literally hadn’t even considered the idea that they’d go straight to an extraction without specifically scheduling it. Am I nuts?)