In which boom bang pow SPLODE

It’s been a real real long day, although not a bad one, and there are a very many things that I could talk about in a blog post right now were I so inclined, but I think instead I’m going to take my son over to the 4-H fair to watch the fireworks.

Have a lovely Saturday night, everyone.

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GUEST POST: On “Getting Criminals Off the Streets,” by Keith Ammann

My friend Keith posted this on Facebook the other day, and he gave me permission to use it as a guest post when I asked.  


It’s impossible to separate racism from the long train of abuses and usurpations that police departments in this country have perpetrated, but even if racism could be made to go away overnight, that by itself would not be enough to solve the problem with policing. There’s another dimension that needs urgently to be addressed.

If you ask a police officer to tell you what his job is — or, for that matter, ask the average person what the job of a police officer is — he will most likely say something like, “To get criminals off the streets.”

This is a serious problem.

“Criminals” is a category of beings. Suppose a police officer has a certain idea in his head of what a “criminal” looks like. That idea may be influenced by either conscious or unconscious bias. The officer has to make dozens of snap judgments a day, under stressful conditions, of whether the person he’s dealing with is a “criminal” or not. And if he decides that person is a “criminal,” he understands that it’s his job to “get the criminal off the streets,” by whatever means necessary.

A “criminal” is a bad person. A “criminal” is dangerous. A “criminal” doesn’t deserve respect. A “criminal” has no rights. A “criminal” abuses the public, so abusing a “criminal” is righteous vengeance. It’s justice.

There are many things wrong with this mentality, but one salient flaw in it is that deciding who is and is not guilty of crime is the exclusive domain of the judicial system — the courts. Jurors are supposed to decide guilt, not the police. Sentences are supposed to be handed down by judges, not by an officer’s service weapon.

Moreover, “criminals” DO have rights. These rights are spelled out explicitly in the Fifth and Sixth Amendments to the U.S. Constitution and, indirectly, in the Fourth. “Due process of law” means that criminal defendants have the right to be judged guilty or innocent not on impulse or emotion but by standards of evidence, honestly obtained and fairly presented in court. And once they’ve served out their sentences, they’re not supposed to be considered “criminals” anymore.

But this is hard to remember and harder to honor, because we’re so accustomed to thinking of “criminals” as the enemy, the destroyers of peace and order. And if it’s difficult for us regular folks, it’s even more difficult for police, who fight an unending battle against “criminals” every day of their lives.

This is why the thinking — and, crucially, training — of police needs to undergo a fundamental shift.

We, and they, need to stop thinking of the job of police departments and police officers as “getting criminals off the streets.”

We, and they, need to start thinking of it as restoring citizens who are committing crimes to the status of citizens who are not committing crimes.

There are two elements to this change in framing.

One is the recognition that all the people whom a police officer interacts with are citizens with rights that he must respect. (Of course, not all of them are U.S. citizens — and it’s not only U.S. citizens who have rights. But this is a matter to confront another day. For now, let’s settle for defining “citizen” loosely, as a human being with social and political rights and responsibilities.)

The second is the emphasis on criminal activity rather than criminal identity. There are not “criminals” and “civilians.” There are citizens who are committing crimes and citizens who are not committing crimes. Citizens who are not committing crimes must be treated with respect, dignity and full recognition of their legal rights. Citizens who are committing crimes ALSO must be treated with respect, dignity and full recognition of their legal rights even as they must also be made to cease their criminal activity and to submit to the process of law for what they’ve done.

A person who is not committing a crime should not — must not — be treated like a “criminal.” An African-American man driving a nice car, a teenager hanging out on a streetcorner, a protester in the street: none of these people is committing a crime. There is nothing that they need to be made to submit to. Their compliance is not an end in itself. They are free people, citizens with rights. Unless and until they commit an actual crime, there is no reason and no justification for the police to make them do anything.

As for people who have committed or are in the process of committing crimes, the domain of the police is to investigate and apprehend, to stop the crime in progress and to hand the perpetrator over to the court system for judgment. That’s it. Because the perpetrator is still a citizen, just one who at the moment is not abiding by the law and needs to be restored to the status of one who is. It is not the domain of the police to administer punishment.

Refocusing the mission of the police from what people “are” to what they are doing or have done will make it more difficult to justify police brutality and detention without charge. It will dismantle the logic underlying racial profiling. It will lay a foundation on which police and communities can build mutual respect and trust. It will bolster people’s freedom to exercise their rights of conscience. It will make evident the moral necessity of restoring people’s right to vote and right to free choice of employment after they’ve paid their debts to society.

It’s something we need to do right now.

In which, no shit, I review a pillow

lightning_1.jpgThis is not a joke: I spent $170 on a pillow yesterday.  And, while I probably wouldn’t have done it had I not just had a birthday and received surplus money from it, I do not feel bad about my purchase.

I have slept on it once.  It is possible that I’ll update this after I’ve put it through its paces for a couple of weeks, but I figure one night is probably enough to have an idea of whether the pillow is a pillow or not.  And when I woke up at 6:30 this morning, before my alarm went off, I woke up fucking refreshed.  Which qualifies as a minor miracle, as I’ve been having a hell of a time getting out of bed lately.

Here is the deal, guys: I have no idea what this pillow is made of, and the description on this website is not super helpful.  What I can tell you is that I wish to hell right now that I had access to an infrared camera, because this goddamned thing is made of magic and violates the laws of physics.  As far as I have ever understood, cool things that are not being actively refrigerated somehow or pumping out heat are going to assume the ambient temperature of whatever space they’re in sooner or later.

This pillow’s made of foam.  There’s nothing in there to disperse heat.  And yet it’s cool.  It’s always cool.  It’s in my bedroom right now, and while I’m no better than you are at determining temperatures by touch I’d bet it’s a good ten degrees cooler than anything else in the room.  And when you lay on it?  It stays that way.

Yes, I know that’s impossible.  And yet I tell you that I slept on this fucker last night and that if I laid in the exact same position for a while the pillow might assume the same temperature as my face eventually, but that if I rolled over the “warm” part would be back to being cool again within a minute.  It was surprising.  You should see the looks on people’s faces when they touch this thing.  I don’t know how it works.  It shouldn’t work.  And yet somehow it does.

I’m itching to buy another one so I can cut it in half and see what’s going on in there.  But right now this is literally the best pillow I’ve ever seen/touched/slept on, bar none, ever.  It’s magic.  Y’all have been around here for a while. Do I seem like the type to handwave stuff away like this?  I have no fucking idea how it works.  It shouldn’t work.  But it does.  So, until I find out otherwise, magic.

Some minor drawbacks:

  • While I’ve found it online for less than I paid (wtvr), one way or another it’s expensive as hell.  Absolutely worth it, but expensive as hell.
  • That said my aunt went out and bought one today after touching mine yesterday and getting a text from me about it this morning.
  • There is, right now, a slight chemical smell.  I assume the pillow is offgassing a bit and this will go away.  It wasn’t annoying enough that I even considered not using the pillow but it was there.  It might bother others more than me.
  • Right now I don’t have it in a pillowcase. The outside is very quilted and comfortable, as you can see from the picture, but my best guess is that airflow has something to do with how this pillow works and I can imagine a universe in which putting it in the wrong kind of pillowcase screws up the magic somehow.  I plan to follow up on this with my Pillow Guy in the near future.  I’ll report back.
  • I have a Pillow Guy now.

Regarding the airflow thing, actually: notably, the pillow was not noticeably cool to the touch when I first removed it from its packaging: a sealed plastic bag inside a cardboard box.  I am betting that, in an airtight environment, the cooling effects won’t work.  It took no more than a couple of minutes outside the box before its temperature dropped.  Speaking of reasons to use an IR camera… There’s not, like, an app for that, is there?

Find this pillow and buy it, guys.  You will evangelize for it too.  I swear.  More later if I’m able to science this shit out somehow.

On the Transcendent Joy of Parenting

cb92ef0cef493f0a4f5530c506dbc8373aaea16bc8426a590859ca5e1a94ab1e_1.gifWoke up this morning to discover that Reddit had discovered the goddamn Snowpiercer post again, to the tune of 600 pageviews before I woke up and just shy of 2000 right now.  Went to work and Sold Hot Furn, as the phrase goes– and that’s really a thing people have suggested we do around where I work, believe it or not– and then grabbed the boy and swung by my parents’ place.  Mom had minor surgery yesterday and I wanted to check in on her.  She’s fine.  Dinner happened.  All was good.

Oh, and I spent a hundred and seventy dollars on a pillow, which is a thing that is possible and which I did and there will be a review of this pillow in the near future.

So.  Yeah.  Post-dinner, the boy and I headed home, and then I was confronted, in rapid succession, with:

  • The Crisis of I Left My Snuggly at Grandma’s, Yes, I Need It Now, We Need to Go Back
  • The Crisis of Why is McDonald’s Taking So Damn Long, Daddy, and the Reminder that I Could have Eaten at Grandma’s Like You Did is Not Assuaging Me Any
  • The Crisis of Two Skinned Knees in the Driveway
  • The Crisis of Why Isn’t There Any Pie Left, Yes, I Know I Have McDonald’s, But Now I Want Pie Because My Knees are Skinned
  • The Crisis of These Appropriately Sized Band-Aids do not Feature Pictures of the Proper Cartoon Characters; I Want Four Smaller Ones Instead
  • The Crisis of What Does “Suck It Up, Buttercup” Mean, Daddy?
  • The Crisis of The Dog is Too Close to My Chicken Nuggets
  • The Crisis of Daddy’s iPad is Out of Battery Power
  • The Crisis of Why Isn’t Mommy Home to Deal With These Crises, Daddy, Your Relative Lack of Sympathy to Many of My Problems has been Noted.

Another eleven thousand steps today, by the way, and today was my half-day.

Best-laid plans and all that

I was thinking about writing some sort of retrospective, possibly quite maudlin post about turning 40 when I got home from work today.

That was before walking seventeen thousand steps during my 11-hour shift.

(NOTE: That is not a complaint.  I love it.)

Instead, I’m gonna read a book and go to bed early.  Maudlin will have to wait.

Love y’all.  G’night.

Birthday sale!

I’m 40!  Buy stuff:

In which that went well

IMG_4024.JPGToday was my first day as a Real Boy on the sales floor, and I did pretty damn well for myself, I think– just under $5000 in sales.  I spent all day joshing back and forth with our sales leader that I was aiming at him, and I thought I had caught him with what would have been the store’s last sale of the day, only to find out that the customer had talked with him about what she bought on a previous visit and there was a quote in the system already.  From the guy I was chasing, meaning that he beat me by whatever amount he was ahead plus the stuff I just sold.  If it had been my sale, I’d have caught him.

Curses!

On the plus side, I came home to birthday steak and birthday baked potatoes and birthday cherry pie, so all is right in the world.


Speaking of my birthday: my birthday sale starts tomorrow!  Beginning late tonight, Searching for Malumba will be free for the next five days.  In addition, The Sanctum of the Sphere and Skylights will be $2.99, on sale from their usual $4.95 price point.  The Benevolence Archives, Vol. 1 remains $.99 at Amazon, although you can get it for free from Smashwords if you like.  The sale prices will be good for a week, and there will be a post up in the morning to remind you.  Sale!  Buy buy buy!

Or, y’know, give me a birthday present and buy them in paperback at full price.  That works too.  🙂

Well my day’s made (again)

Because this .GIF is everything good in the world:

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