My most ridiculous product review yet

I swear to you, I’m not important enough to have been paid to write this.

I didn’t know Band-Aid Brand Adhesive Bandages Hydro Seal existed, All-Purpose or otherwise, so I feel like it’s possibly a thing I should tell other people about. I have had, for at least a few weeks, a vile mess of a sore on the top of my scalp. The problem is that it’s in a location where my hand automatically goes to whenever I’m thinking, reading, stressed, or really any reason at all, and as a result I absolutely could not stop fucking with the thing and it wouldn’t heal. I’d put a Band-Aid on it all day and in the ten minutes between taking it off and replacing it, I’d manage to screw it all up again. I tried to wear hats for a while; I’d literally take the hat off and mess up the sore without even realizing I was doing it.

And then I ran out of Band-Aids, so I went to Target to get more, and I discovered these Hydro Seal thingies. The phrase “multi-day protection” caught my eye. This seems helpful, I thought, since, well, if I didn’t have to take it off I’d have fewer opportunities to mess around with it.

Basically the way these things work is that the gel the bandage is made out of creates a moist enough environment for the wound that it encourages healing, and the adhesive is strong enough that they tell you to just leave it in place until it falls off– in my case, four days, including the customary number of showers and a couple of dips in the pool. And when it finally started to come off, there was a little chunk of dry dead skin left behind that pretty much flaked off immediately and afterward you couldn’t tell there had ever been a wound there at all. The only problem I see with these is they’re a little on the expensive side for Band-Aids (but we’re still talking about, like, four bucks for a box) and at least the kind I got was on the smaller side, although there’s a larger size designed to cover blisters that I assume would be fine for non-blistering larger wounds. If you’re like me and have a problem with wounds lasting forever if they’re somewhere you can reach to interfere with them, I really can’t recommend these damn things any more highly.

(Note that I am refraining from posting before-and-after pictures. Just trust me.)

8:35 PM, Saturday, June 20: 2,251,205 confirmed cases and 119,654 Americans dead. Yesterday was the worst day for new infections since May 1; today is worse than yesterday and there are still a few hours left.