Tag: rage

In which I am irate, vagueposting

On By Luther M. SilerIn ParentingLeave a comment

I am, for only the second time since he has started going there, irritated with my son’s school. And, like, really irritated this time, not mildly irritated like the time he got in trouble over some bullshit that felt like the teacher’s fault in preschool. Sending-strongly-worded-emails irritated. How dare you make me disappoint my kid irritated.

And I don’t really want to get into details, especially since it’s 8:26 already and I’m showing signs of doomscrolling on top of everything else and I would really like to get away from my computer and go sit in a room with my kid with a book in my hand. I’m not gonna bitch about my kid’s school online, even in the mostly-anonymous format the blog affords me. But I really don’t need any external stressors right now because I know how my brain works and I’m likely to lash out at some poor fool who doesn’t deserve it because of unrelated stress, and I’m also irritated with my school for entirely unrelated reasons, and just … fuck.

Can’t do it tonight

On By Luther M. SilerIn PoliticsLeave a comment

I haven’t set anything or anyone on fire today and I’m just going to have to count that as a win.

Soon, but not yet

On By Luther M. SilerIn TeachingLeave a comment

It took over three hours to write my two practice tests– seven and eight questions– tonight, because my computer is a sonofabitch. Tomorrow is the last day of prep and their finals are Thursday.

I am exhausted, crabby, and almost fucking done.

Not right now god damn it

On By Luther M. SilerIn Geek, idiocy5 Comments

I have had my current desktop for just a noodge over five years, and I am starting to think that I might need to replace it sooner rather than later. It is the most insanely aggravating tech problem I have encountered, in that it isn’t one tech problem. Shit just Keeps Going Wrong, and I can’t for the life of me isolate what the problem might be beyond a vague suspicion that my dedication to Apple products is about to bite me in the ass. If this were a home build, I could start replacing parts– I mean, that would be expensive and insane, but I could do it. I could keep replacing bits of the computer until this random fucking series of crashes, application hangups and hardware shutdowns — my trackpad, for God’s sake, keeps shutting down, and it has a physical on/off button– stopped, or I’d managed to create the iMac of Theseus and just gave the fuck up.

The Music app crashes. Chrome crashes. Safari crashes. The monitors are going wonky. The trackpad shuts down randomly. The entire computer keeps hard restarting in the middle of the night and when I first wake it up after a hard crash it takes a good ten minutes before everything starts behaving, and then it’s fine for an unpredictable amount of time– anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of days– until it’s not anymore.

I don’t know how to diagnose this. I thought a Safari patch had cleaned it up but that only lasted a few days and now Music is crashing, and there are 65 fucking gigabytes of music on this damn computer, so moving to another one is going to be a huge pain in the ass. Also, just to make it worse, Apple isn’t making 27″ iMacs any longer, so I can either move to a smaller main monitor or a Mac Studio, and those start at two fucking grand before you buy a monitor to go with it. I mean, I can spread that out, and truth be told I can afford it, but I really don’t fucking want to right now. I want to fix this, and normally “fix my computer” is included among my skill sets, but there are enough things going wrong that I’m starting to suspect it’s either the motherboard or the hard drive, and … that’s a new computer, since I can’t replace either.

I mean, I could go back to Windows, but I could also shoot myself in the fucking face and not have to worry about it, and those options are of equal attractiveness right now. I loathe Windows and I’m not interested in going back into that ecosystem when every other piece of tech in the house has a picture of a piece of fruit on it. If Apple was still making 27″ iMacs this wouldn’t be that hard of a decision, because $1600 is a lot more palatable than $2000 plus a monitor. But even if I stuck with the two I have (and remember, I’m running a supervillain lair here)* it’s still $400 more than the iMac I’d probably end up with, which is pushing it.

Anyway, I’m off to spend three hours Googling “everything is wrong with my computer” until it crashes again. Wish me luck.

*Three monitors and a standing desk, and how the fuck is it possible that I can’t find a picture of my desk on this website anywhere? NO way.**

**EDIT: Found one, and added the link.

Okay, that was better

On By Luther M. SilerIn TeachingLeave a comment

Much more manageable day today, in accordance with the law of averages. That said, this is gonna be another short post, on account of I need to finish the new Sarah J. Maas book before bed or I’ll die.

Quick random thought, though: on a scale of 1-10, how ironic and/or pathetic is it for a middle-aged middle-school math teacher to listen to Killing in the Name on his way home from work at a volume understandable from inside nearby restaurants and retail establishments? While headbanging and screaming along?

Asking for a friend.

On the imminent death of my TikTok account

On By Luther M. SilerIn idiocy2 Comments

This is not the first time I have had to address this nonsense in this space, so you’d think the whole fucking world would be aware of this and not make the same mistakes again, but God damn it, people, former presidents and particularly active presidents do not typically attend the funerals of First Ladies. They just don’t. That’s it. Biden, in fact, in attending Rosalynn Carter’s memorial service this week, was the first sitting president to attend the funeral of a First Lady since Kennedy.

I don’t care if you like it or not, it’s fucking protocol. It’s how this works. Quit bitching when you don’t see whatever president at a First Lady’s funeral. I’m fuckin’ tired of it.

You will note that every living real First Lady and that classless Eurotrash participation-trophy wife from the last administration were all in attendance, even though literally no human being alive or dead wanted Melania or her fucking grey coat there.

Anyway. I’m fucking tired of TikTok and it’s bullshit stupid people with their bullshit stupid opinions, because since I’m no longer on Twitter TikTok is now the place where I’m most likely to encounter that type of thing. And I can’t fucking take it any longer. I am really and truly going to have a fucking rage stroke before the election if I don’t do something to shield myself from internet stupid, and that’s going to mean TikTok has to go, which would make this my only active social media account remaining, and I’m in complete control of who gets to talk here.

I’d do it right now except that, again, in the absence of Twitter, TikTok is where I do most of my book discovery now, and I genuinely don’t know where I’d go to hear people talking about books without it. If you have suggestions, let me know, because if I don’t find a way to reduce my stress and blood pressure I’m going to have to exercise, and we all know that’s a fucking terrible idea.

Fuck America

On By Luther M. SilerIn Politics1 Comment

Pretty much every single other thing I have to say tonight is going to get me on a watch list somewhere.

In which I still ain’t right

On By Luther M. SilerIn Politics, WritingLeave a comment

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If you ever needed proof that I make foolish decisions: I decided to release a book during what I think may literally have been the stupidest and most rage-inducing week of my entire life.  I mean, there was probably a week during the Bush administration that at least came close somewhere.  Hell, there was probably more than one.  But right now hell if I can remember when that week might have been, and perhaps more importantly I didn’t have a wife and kid near me to remind me of my need to keep my shit together, and it has been fucking hard to come home from work each night and force myself into editing and creating mode instead of staring dully at Twitter and thinking thoughts that I ought not to be thinking.

I have never hated Republicans more than I do this week.  I have never been more exhausted and sick of white men than I have been this week.  I have never been more embarrassed by men in general than I have this week.

I cannot imagine how any of my women friends feel, and I can’t believe my wife is even still standing after all this shit.  The rage has nearly incapacitated me and I haven’t been putting up with entitled assholes like Brett Kavanaugh my entire life, like virtually every woman I know has.

Oh, and today at work involved transcribing a bunch of witness statements and having to find a way to get a four and a half minute, 500mb video of a kid in one of the scariest meltdowns I’ve ever seen in a school off of an ancient Android phone with a broken screen and to the cops.  I will say this: I have never been shy about criticizing cops when I feel like they’re doing a shitty job.  Our SRO took what could have been (what already was) a very, very bad situation today and, while it did ultimately lead to the student being taken out of the building in handcuffs (and still fighting the cops the whole way) it could have been much, much worse with a different police officer.  He was an absolute model of using minimum force required and attempting de-escalation the entire time (and it was the police officer who asked our security guard to start recording the incident) and the decision wasn’t finally made to take the student to the police station until the parent of the student, who, it should be pointed out, started the shit in the first place, refused to come and collect their child and actually told the SRO to take the student to jail.

Which … Okay.  But then I’mma come get you, and you’re going to jail too, you fucking asshole.  Ain’t no goddamn universe in existence where somebody calls me and says they need me to come get my baby and the words “Just take him to jail” come out of my mouth.

It’s been a very, very, very fucking rough week.

But I’m going to get this book done, and it’s going to be available this weekend, so go check me out on Patreon so you can have it once it’s ready.