We are out of town for the day

…and I intend for this to be my view for most of it. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

In which I get rid of my childhood, and my teenage years, and my adulthood, and my middle age, and then almost die

unnamed.jpgI’ve been collecting comic books since I was nine, and with the exception of a couple of years when I was living in Chicago without a car and no real access to a comic shop I’ve never really stopped.  It’s probably safe to say that at 40 I’m spending more money on comics than I ever have, actually, due to a combination of disposable income, comics being generally really good right now, and the effect of inflation on the prices of the books themselves.

Hogwarts is having what amounts to a building-wide garage sale next weekend.  I just donated about 3500 comics– somewhere around half of my collection, pictured there to the right.  This is, I’m pretty sure, the first time I’ve divested myself of any substantial portion of my collection.  I spent most of this morning going through those boxes and pulling out anything that I thought might damage tiny little private-school brains, or at least anything that the wealthy parents of those tiny little private-school brains might think would damage them.

I really like comic books, but they’re really heavy and they take up a ton of room.  I figure I’ve bought myself another decade before I have to purge the collection again.  I did warn the nice lady who came by to pick them up to not expect to make a mint from them and that selling them for a dime or a quarter apiece might be a good idea just to ensure they move; we’ll see what happens.  I may go to the sale just to see what happens or I may not; I feel like both seeing my comics get sold off to other people or seeing them sit there alone and unacknowledged might be depressing, so I probably won’t go.

But hey.  There’s a lot of space cleared out in the office now.  That’s good, right?

In other news, knowing a stranger was coming to my house to help me load up the boxes, I tried to attack the patch of vines near my front door that has overgrown our steps and walkway.  We’ve neglected it lately because the mosquitoes are so bad, and it’s gone from “unattractive” to “genuinely sort of embarrassing” lately, but I figured that we’ve had some cool mornings recently and I can go outside in general without feeling like I’m under attack and so it would probably be safe to take the, oh, fifteen minutes it would take to trim the things back, rake them up, and toss the remnants into a garbage can.

Ha.

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In general I’m not frightened of bugs.  I avoid bees and wasps, of course, because they’re assholes, but I’ve never been stung.  Spiders squick me a bit from time to time, I admit it, but I try not to let it affect my behavior.  So when I tell you I had to run away from the patch of greenery in front of my house, flailing my arms around and swatting at my body like– hell, like a guy fucking covered in a swarm of mutant mosquitoes, I suppose, the situation kind of defeats simile– you need to understand that it is not a typical reaction to bugs.  And the fucking things chased me.  They followed me to the foot of the driveway and then stood guard outside my goddamned garage door and I had to fight through another cloud of them to get back inside.

That patch of vines can go to hell, is what I’m saying.  It can take over the whole front of the house for all I care.  I come in through the damn garage anyway.

One of these things is not like the other

I shop at a local fat man store from time to time.  They call themselves a “Big and Tall” store, but I never see tall guys in there and tall guys generally don’t need 5XL shirts, which is most of what they carry– I’m at the small end of the distribution in that place.

They send emails. Lots of emails.  I got one today, in fact.Screen Shot 2015-05-16 at 2.59.53 PMI was a little confused as to what this had to do with Large Person shirts and pants until I saw the capacities down in the corner there.  I need a portable chair that can support a thousand-pound human.  I need it for science.

There was more to the email:

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This part, I have to admit, confused me; I don’t go to the beach as a general rule but if I did I can’t see that I’d want to bring a beach tent.  I didn’t know beach tents were a thing; if you’re a beach person and you would want such an object, fill me in.

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Back to the chairs.  There’s no capacity listed for the Picnic Time Portable Fusion Backpack Chair, but holy hell does that thing look heavy-duty.  No price listed, either.

And then the email went completely off the rails, as they forgot who they were marketing to:

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I don’t know what the overlap is between “people interested in portable chairs with a capacity of half a ton” and “people who need neoprene wetsuits,” but it most certainly does not include me.  I’m glad the zippers are heavy-duty, though.

Question for the lawn care enthusiasts

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What’s the deal with the rings?  Do I have faeries?  Should I never walk into them at midnight?

In which I go outdoors on purpose

The Internet was down, meaning there was no TV either (we get everything through Hulu or Netflix), so we decided to go outside and somehow ended up at the 4-H fair.  A few random observations that really ought to have pictures with them but somehow don’t:

  • There was a giraffe.  At the petting zoo.  There should always always always be giraffes. Everywhere.  Especially at petting zoos.
  • After a while, though, watching the giraffe became less fun than watching the people walking by who were consistently surprised by the giraffe.  I heard “Is that a giraffe?” probably ten times from people who knew damn well what a giraffe looks like but couldn’t process the fact that there was one right the hell in front of them.
  • There were tigers doing tricks, but they were really not in the mood for them and so it was kind of sad and slightly embarrassing.  As far as I know, no one was eaten, though.
  • The boy really really really likes merry-go-rounds.  I like merry-go-rounds less than I thought I would; turns out that when you’re standing next to your toddler they make you crazily dizzy.
  • Saw no less than 12 students.  Luckily, only four of the twelve saw me, and all four seemed happy to do so.  Considering that the last time I saw one of them I was hollering for our resource officer to put him in handcuffs that percentage is probably a good thing.
  • I bought no food, which means that the gyro I had for lunch is the grossest thing I ate today, which is probably as it should be.
  • I had no idea that rabbits could even get that big, holy shit.
  • Pissed-off pigs are scary.  Pissed-off goats are hilarious.

All in all whee fun would pay $8 again.