Good morning!

I am awake and dressed and at work and all of my body parts are functioning normally and pain-free.  I therefore expect to fall off of a ladder later today.  I do not intend to climb a ladder but I will find a way to fall off one anyway.

Here is a picture of a bird I rescued from the store yesterday.  His name is Bird because I am not very creative.

On the decline of the species

stinkbug_285.jpgNo, not humanity, although I’m sure I’ll write a post with that title about us eventually.  I consider myself at least a nominally environmentally-inclined guy, although I generally let my wife (who actually possesses an advanced degree in environmental science) take the lead on the various green initiatives we participate in around the house.  I like animals.  I even like bugs.  I understand that we need them around and that they need to be protected and that the average living thing is in fact a living thing and generally ought to be allowed to live independent of any human wishes or desires on the matter.

Unless we want to eat them, of course.

That said, the internet has 24 hours to come up with a reason why stink bugs need to exist or I’m going to go full-blown Mad Scientist on their asses and eradicate the entire species.  I generally hear that the reason we can’t get rid of all the mosquitoes is because bats like to eat ’em and bats are awesome.  Well, OK, that doesn’t apply to stink bugs, who don’t really fly and can’t be caught on the wing.  Plus they live in buildings.  So no bats.  They’re probably too big for your average spider.  They aren’t pollinators.  As far as I can tell they exist for no other reason than to suddenly be in my house or place of business walking on something that they ought not to be walking on– like, say, the rim of a cup I like to drink from, or my fucking toothbrush.  And then I can’t even satisfyingly smush them because they are stink bugs.  They are the worst and I hate them and they all need to die.

24 hours and then I figure out how to destroy them all.  If there are no comments I will assume the entire world agrees and will help with the project.

Thank you for your time.