On rare books, Mark Twain, and penises

I am not quite halfway through with Ron Chernow’s 1200-page biography of Mark Twain, so it would be unfair to call this a “review” per se, but … c’mon. It’s a book by one of America’s preeminent historians about very likely the most important writer ever born on American soil. I’ve already read and loved his biographies of Hamilton and Washington, and I’ll get to the Grant and Rockefeller books sooner or later. There’s no universe where this isn’t a magnificent book, and it’s not like there’s going to be any plot twists in the last five hundred pages. This is a great biography already and it’s enormously unlikely I’m going to encounter anything that will change my mind– and if I do, it’ll change my mind about Mark Twain, and not about Chernow’s book about him.

All that said, I learned something today, and I fell down a rabbit hole looking for more information about it, and I need to share this information with you.

If you buy one of the approximately one billion available editions of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn that include the original engravings, you will encounter at some point this image of Huck, his Uncle Silas, and his Aunt Sally:

You will note the arrow pointing just underneath Uncle Silas’ crotch, and you will note the straight line of his pants. You may also note the look on Aunt Sally’s face, which I feel deserves more attention in general.

This is not the image that was in the first printing of the book. That image looked like this, known as the “curved fly” engraving:

See that curved line? That’s the original engraving by E.W. Kemble, whose name you’ll note in the lower right. Twain selected Kemble himself, and presumably did not vet this image of Uncle Silas for a single slightly, barely bulgey line in his pants.

After a few hundred copies of the first edition were printed, a salesman noticed that someone had somehow changed the engraving to … well, this:

That right there, folks, is Uncle Silas’ cock, although it appears to be growing out of his leg rather than in the usual location. Maybe that has something to do with the look on Aunt Sally’s face, I dunno. Maybe dicks were different in 1884. You’ll note that said penis is pointed directly at Huck, which isn’t relevant to the story but adds an extra little twist of creepy to it.

Anyway, the edition was very speedily recalled, and the offending pages destroyed, although an unknown number of copies remained in the wild. A book with the offending penis in it has never made it to auction or been sold publicly, and it’s not known how many might be out there. (Check out this absolutely amazing contemporary article about the controversy from New York World. The euphemisms. My God, the nineteenth-century euphemisms.)

The University of Virginia has at least one copy of the edition with the penis, which is where the image came from. They had to redo the engraving for the rest of the no-longer-“first” edition, and the new version of the engraving had a straight fly.

Copies of the “curved fly” edition (without the penis) go for lots and lots of money. My favorite detail about that $15,000 listing? Shipping is $4.00 and they accept returns within thirty days.

The person who altered the engraving was never identified.

Well, that’s better

Joe Lieberman died today, so it’s already kind of a heavy lift to make today a bad day when that’s the main headline, but school didn’t go poorly either, although I’m going to wait until tomorrow to make any judgments about whether my new method of test prep worked at all. They appeared to know things about transformations at the end of the day, but we all know the evidence of your eyes can be tricksy.

Oh, and I sent my wife a text begging her to prevent me from falling asleep on the couch at 6:47 and then when I woke up at 8:04 I sent another text that just said “LOL,” because I don’t think Christ and an army of horny angels could have kept me from falling asleep on the couch today. And now I’m here, writing a blog post, and hopefully within half an hour or so I’ll be asleep again, so there’s Wednesday done and dusted, I suppose.

In which I am weird (grown)

707559651174242853I’m at home right now, typing this on my desktop.  Why am I not at work, you ask?  Because I’ve taken the morning off– not because I want to write, which would be responsible, or play video games, which would be fun, but because I have to go inspect a local school in half an hour with the possibility of placing my son there next year in mind.

Because I am an adult and I have a child and he requires an education, which I am required to make important decisions about.

Lolwut.

Once you see it…

IMG_2061…which, hell, probably won’t even take that long, you won’t be able to unsee it.

Not much happened today, other than some work in the bathroom (yes, that’s still a thing) while my parents watched the boy.  And then all the sudden we finish our pizza dinner and I look at my watch and holy crap how is it 7:00 already?  

So, yeah.  I’ve sorta been bereft of interesting things to say lately, sorry about that.  But at least there’s this lovely picture to look at.

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Good morning

I have a headache and need coffee, so here is a cat playing Jenga: