Tag: laziness

In which I am a dummy dumb-dumb dummyfacehead

On By Luther M. SilerIn idiocy2 Comments

You are looking at the interior of the cabinet under the sink in the master bathroom. Ignore the terrible wallpaper in the back; it’s not my fault, I didn’t put it there. There’s probably four more layers underneath it, too.

Several months ago– I don’t know how many; it could have been a year for all the fuck I know– Sushi climbed under there and somehow managed to collapse that shelf. It has been collapsed and lying at an angle for a very, very long time, and it has annoyed me every single fucking time I have looked at it during that time. Now, granted, this isn’t terribly often, as I don’t need to open the cabinet very frequently, but there’s some shit we’ve just been keeping on top of the vanity for all this time because the shelf was collapsed.

Why haven’t I fixed it? Laziness, and the fact that I am old and fat and absolutely loathe having to sit on the floor. But I have resolved for every single fucking weekend for months to get down there, figure out what was broken, replace it, and get that Goddamn shelf fixed. I figured I might have to find some pegs she knocked loose and put them back in place; the worst-case scenario was that one of them was actually broken and I’d have to make a quick run to the hardware store to buy a dowel or something. But I didn’t want to crawl around on the floor, didn’t want to dig around in that cabinet– it’s deep; I can’t reach the back of it without sticking my head inside– and I am, again, incredibly lazy.

I finally, tonight, managed to get my fat ass on the ground in front of it, OutKast playing on my phone, convinced that come hell and high water I was going to fix this fucking shelf.

Which involved picking it up and placing it on top of that dark brown support on the right there, which is screwed into the wall. The two pieces of perpendicular white wood are glued & screwed and aren’t coming apart.

It took ten seconds.

It took longer for me to stand up once I was done than it did to fix the fucking shelf.

No pegs. No bent nails or screws. Not even anything with any weight or requiring any real application of muscle power. I just picked the fucking thing up and put it back on the shelf. I mean, it might fall off again at some point, especially if a cat decides to wedge herself into that corner again. I could screw it in place, I suppose. But I’ve been putting this job off for months and it took ten seconds.

Fucksake.

Still here, mostly

On By Luther M. SilerIn life, ParentingLeave a comment

brainlessI don’t like single-daddery, guys.  We’re doing fine– the boy is still alive, as far as I know– but I’ve been in motion pretty much constantly since Sunday night.  Wake the boy up, get him dressed and fed, drop him off at my parents’, 11-hour work shift, pick him up, bring him home, put him immediately to bed, make sure all the pets are fed and watered, do one or two tiny things around the house, go to bed, spend the night getting kicked in the back by a horizontal five-year-old, wake up early, start again.  Wednesday I got out of work early but I actually had to go to a customer’s house for a service call afterward, which was… well, fun ain’t the word but it wasn’t as big of a deal as it could have been.  Today was my day off but I’ve spent most of it either napping or wandering around the house like a zombie, unable to figure out what I was supposed to be doing at any given moment unless that thing needed to be done in some other room.

To be clear: I just sat on the sofa in front of the TV with my laptop in my lap, wondering what I was supposed to be doing with it, for twenty solid minutes before remembering I hadn’t blogged in a few days. That kind of brainless.

Luckily for me, my wife is on her train and on her way back home, so if I can make it through tomorrow and Saturday everything will be fine.  It blows my mind that there are people who pull this off all the time.  Mental note: do whatever I need to do, for the rest of my life, to ensure my wife never leaves me.  🙂

In case you ever wondered how lazy I was

On By Luther M. SilerIn idiocy, Reading5 Comments

I became aware a couple of weeks ago that Dr. Jekyll (and, along with him, Mr. Hyde) appeared in the new Mummy movie.  I have no interest in seeing that movie at all but it reminded me that I’ve never actually read the original book.

Wherever I was when that thought occurred to me, I mentally scanned my bookshelf and decided that I probably already owned a copy of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but that I wasn’t sure.  Normally the idea that I don’t know if I own a book is very unusual, but in this case I had a decent reason: at some point several years ago those cheap Barnes and Noble classics editions went really cheap– like $2.50 a book– and I scooped up a ton of them on the assumption that I’d want to read them eventually.  I was pretty certain that DJ&MH was among that list, but I wasn’t sure.

This is a picture of some (yes, some) of the bookshelves in my living room, taken from the perspective of my recliner, which is where I spend a substantial proportion of my time when I’m at home, to the point where my son calls it “Daddy’s chair”:

FullSizeRenderHelpful pink arrows are indicating where the Barnes and Noble editions I was referring to are shelved.  You will note that some of them are behind a rocking chair and a few of the boy’s toys.  Those items were not put into those places for the purpose of this picture; that is where they generally live– meaning that my view of the shelf on the right was blocked from my recliner.  In addition, my eyes aren’t quite good enough anymore to resolve individual titles of the books on that shelf from my chair, although I knew the rough size and color of the spine so I was pretty sure it wasn’t in the bunch on the left.

It took two weeks for me to simultaneously 1) remember that I had been wondering if I had a copy of DJ&MH when I was actually in the house and 2) have the energy to get my lazy ass up out of my chair to go check those books on the right.  There were multiple occasions where the first happened and the second did not.  Multiple.

The answer was yes, by the way.

Fuck chemistry

On By Luther M. SilerIn life2 Comments

nerve-cell-pulseIt’s been a Lexapro weekend.  As in I probably ought to be back on it.  This weekend (well, “weekend”) has been an utter shitshow; I’ve alternated useless-and-exhausted with unfocused, pointless rage for much of he last two days.  I just now managed to put away about two weeks worth of clothes and other than feeding the dog today that counts as the one thing I’ve managed to do that was good for anybody other than me.  And it only barely counts because I know my wife is tired of looking at my laundry in the bedroom all the time.

The house is a fucking mess.  It’d be nice if I was either a grown-up or on the right brain meds and could make myself do something about it.  Hell, it’d be nice if I knew which fucking one was the problem.

Don’t bother with sympathy, I’m not much in the mood for it.  Just let me rant.

Today in two images

On By Luther M. SilerIn idiocy2 Comments

C8DQ0edVYAAVOmZ.jpg-large.jpeg

To be perfectly accurate, there would also have to be maybe a third image where there is hours of staring at a screen with nothing of any import getting accomplished, but you can’t have everything you want in life.

My current goal for the day– and it’s a goal because it might not get done— is to clear out my comic book backlog from the last couple of weeks.

I’m a champion, guys.

Two quick true stories

On By Luther M. SilerIn idiocy, Parenting4 Comments

kids-are-creepy-7.jpgIt is Saturday night and I am at OtherJob.  A mother and her young daughter– six, perhaps seven years old– come up to the counter.  The little girl is carrying a toy stuffed dog.  (Given where this story is going, it is probably important that the word “toy” be in there.)

She shows me the dog in that proud way little kids do, a thing I’ve seen my son do with strangers a million times, and tells me his name is Happy.  I make entertained grown up noises at her and pivot toward Mom to explain how our price structure works.

She keeps talking.  She shows me a hole in Happy’s side.

“This is where I cut him with a scissor,” she says.

“Um.  Okay,” I respond.

She shows me where his back leg is nearly cut off.

“And this is where I cut him with a knife!” she says.  She’s super excited about cutting Happy with scissors and knives.

My eyebrows raise a bit, and I look at Mom, not saying anything.

Mom is mortified, and says “She didn’t cut him with anything.”  Sure, Mom, okay.

And then the little girl starts chanting at us.

A scissor and a knife!
A scissor and a knife!
A scissor and a knife!
A scissor and a knife!

Never seen a parent complete a transaction that quickly before.

There is an old vanity cabinet in the room of our house that we haven’t settled on a name for yet.  The den, maybe?  The family room, as opposed to the living room?  The playroom? Who the hell knows, but it’s in there, and the top of the thing has sort of become a messy catchall for artwork stuff of the boy’s that we don’t really know what to do with.  The dog’s food and water bowls are right next to this vanity.

Several weeks ago, a little candle holder thing he made at school for Halloween got knocked over, and the little LED candle that was in there fell out and landed on the floor in between the dog’s bowl and the vanity.  That little electronic candle has annoyed me every time I have seen it for weeks, and it took me until today to bend my lazy ass over and pick the goddamn thing up to put it back in the jar and back on the vanity.

I don’t tell you this for any particular reason other than maybe it’ll make you feel better about whatever stupid shit you’re avoiding doing right now.

This post is basically just a whole bunch of Tweets strung together

On By Luther M. SilerIn idiocy2 Comments

luckycharms02…got home from work, fell asleep on the recliner (well, mostly) while they boy watched Dumbo, reflected on how catchy racism is (the phrase “be done seen ’bout evrythang” is gonna be running through my head for a bit) and then had cereal for dinner.

Because fuckit, cereal for dinner, dammit.  Lucky Charms, specifically.

Fact: WordPress replaces “fuckit” with “faucet” if you aren’t paying attention, which… is not the same thing.

Secondary fact: The little marshmallows in Lucky Charms and various other cereals are called “Marbits,” and if you are savvy, you can get them in giant bags all by themselves.  I have not done such a thing, but my wife has given bags of marbits (WordPress correction: marabouts) as Christmas gifts.

Related to the post below: you may have noticed that the rape/sexual assault complaints about Bill Cosby have been all over the news lately.  Ponder the fact that the actual women coming forward never really led to much, but a relatively unknown male comic jokes about the assaults and now it’s national news.

Thanksgiving is next week.  I am not sure how this is possible.

My son, who as we established a couple of days ago is three, got a report card from his preschool.  It is thoroughly standards-based and something like nine or ten pages long.  It doesn’t have actual grades on it but if it did I think he’d be on honor roll.  I can live with that.

We are supposed to get somewhere between four and eight inches of snow tonight, but I am not lucky enough for it to result in school closings.

The federal monitoring visit today went… interestingly.  I may talk more about it later but it doesn’t fit into the theme of this post very well.

In which I’m back in college again

On By Luther M. SilerIn Writing1 Comment

8,000 word contest entry due at midnight that I’m not even sure how to end yet?  Sure!  Hell, I’ve got hours to keep procrastinating on that!  Slightly behind on my other manuscript?  Not entirely sure where it’s going at the moment because I haven’t planned much beyond the part I’ve got and some of what I’ve got took me by surprise when it fell out of my brain?  Sure!  No problem!  I’ll just WORK ALL DAY.

(Seriously, if you see me on the internet today, slap me.)