On George R.R. Martin and stress

This is not a review of the Game of Thrones finale. I might write one of those, but for right now, no. Feel free to read this without fear of any spoilers. It is also not another why won’t he finish the booooooks whine, because 1) George R.R. Martin is not your bitch and 2) I have plenty to read. So adjust your expectations accordingly before you read further.

Y’all, I am, honestly and sincerely, kinda worried about George.

Here’s the thing: you may be aware that I wrote a book called Skylights, a book which ends in such a way that strongly suggests that at least one sequel is forthcoming. Skylights was released in 2014 and the first draft was completed well before that, and was set in a near enough future that it now demands a second edition where I’ve elided most of the actual dates.

I have been thinking about the Skylights sequel for, I think, close to a decade now, if not longer than that. I have taken several serious stabs at writing it, all of which have failed. In that time, precisely zero people have pushed me for a release date or tried to buttonhole me about what happens next. Have people liked the book? Yeah, generally. But there’s no popular groundswell out there for a sequel. Nobody’s chewing their nails or mad at me that the book’s not done yet. If it were to never come out absolutely no one would be upset. The pressure is entirely, 100% internal.

And that goddamn unwritten-ass book is a source of stress in my life every single fucking day. I literally do not go a single day, ever, without chiding myself for not working on the Skylights sequel. Does it make me continue to work on it? No. No, it does not.

And Skylights is a sequel to one book, featuring a constrained cast of characters, and not the sixth (or seventh!) book in a massive doorstop series that a huge chunk of the world knows exists and has been clamoring for for decades.

I think about what this dude must have been going through, having sold this series to TV, and having to watch the slow-motion nightmare apocalypse unfold as the TV series gets closer and closer and finally passes the narrative in the books, and having to have a conversation with people about where he sees the ending going (and I will never believe that he had actually decided on the ending long enough ago to talk to HBO about it) and then, to make things so, so much worse, to have the first ending to his story be so universally despised as this one was.

I want to say something like “Oh, he can just lie down in his giant pile of money and not worry about it,” but you know, I really don’t think GRRM is actually that type of person. I don’t know him; I’ve never met the man, but I just don’t see that. (And if he is, that’s fine! Again, GRRM is not your bitch, or mine, either.)

I’m just picturing myself in this situation, and thinking about how I literally cannot conceive of any way that this deal might have gone any worse for him than the way it did, regardless of the money. Even cancellation would have been better, because then he wouldn’t have had the indignity of having to watch someone else finish his story while he continues to struggle with these massive, unwritable books– and to have to watch them do so in a way that nearly everyone agreed was terrible.

I would not be able to cope with this shit, y’all. Just would not. And no amount of money would help me with it. Again, I’m stressing about Sunlight, or Moonlight, or whateverthefuck it’s going to be called if I ever release it, and no one cares about that but me. He’s literally going through what I’m going through times several million.

So yeah. I’m worried about him right now. Maybe he should be trying to take a swim in his huge pile of money, if he’s not already doing it.

In which I phone it in

I’m not a big Game of Thrones fan, and have really never even watched it seriously until this season– and I may not bother with the next book, either– but this is kind of a magical video and I want it where I can find it easily. And seeing as how I have nothing else to say tonight other than a generic reminder that I write books and maybe reading one or two of them would be something fun for you to do, here, have an excellent video:

On miracles and odd decisions

anigif_enhanced-13157-1412364097-6I walked into the building in less than a fully chipper mood this morning, said “good morning” to the first several students I saw anyway, and was rewarded with nothing but sullen stares for my trouble.  Well, fine, fuck ’em; I went into my office and started working on paperwork that had been building up over the last several weeks.

I apparently managed to create an aura of hatred and anger and evil so powerful that no one bothered me all day.  I spent from 7:30 AM to 2:00 PM in my office doing paperwork, completely clearing my desk of every single thing I had to do, and no one came in and asked me for anything all day.

I expect I will have to pay for that tomorrow, but hey, at least I’m not behind any longer.

In other news, I’ve decided I’m done with the Song of Ice and Fire books.  Oddly, it was the events on the show last night that made me decide I wasn’t reading any more of the books.  This makes sense, but requires a long explanation in order to make my reasoning clear, and I’m still angry enough about the show– a show I don’t watch, mind you— that I really am not interested in talking about it beyond the few short rants I’ve put on Twitter.  But yeah.  I’m done; those are out of my life now.

So that was my Monday.  How’re you?

On GAME OF THRONES, spoilers, and THE WALKING DEAD

gameIt’s been all over the news lately: this will be the season where the TV version of Game of Thrones finally laps the books, or at the very least it’s going to catch them this season and next season will have to be all-new stuff.  George R.R. Martin, famous for being a slow writer (and note: I’m not complaining, at least not with an intent to be taken seriously by anyone) simply cannot keep up with the speed of broadcast TV, and there is absolutely no way that he’s going to be able to get two books written before the show hits the plotlines of the sixth and seventh books.

Those of us who had read the book when it came out fifteen goddamn years ago snickered at the poor saps who didn’t know what was coming when the Red Wedding happened.  Now, it seems, the tables have turned, and the TV people get to know the ending of the saga before, or at least at the same time as, the folks who have been reading the books.

My relationship to A Song of Ice and Fire is complicated, guys.  I’m almost compulsive in my need to complain every time someone mentions these books around me; I think Game of Thrones is one of the best works of fantasy literature ever written, and I think that the series has gotten asymptotically worse with every book that has been published since then.  They became actively bad with the publication of A Feast for Crows, and A Dance with Dragons was execrable.  At this point I may not even read The Winds of Winter.  If I do, it will be a hate-read.  I don’t even want to contemplate what the seventh book might be like.

Nonetheless!  A suggestion:

TV people!  Finish this season following the books as carefully as you always have (which is to say as carefully as you need to; the books and show, which I don’t watch regularly, have already diverged on a number of points) and then once you are clear of the published books, never speak to George R.R. Martin again about how the show should go.  Send him his checks, and end the series however you want.

George R. R. Martin!  Dance, naked and gleeful, upon the huge pile of money you have made off this show, and then write whatever the hell you want.  Don’t watch the show anymore; you can Netflix it when you’re done with the books.  Do not collaborate with these people and do not tell them your ending.  (Note: I am aware he already has.  He’s not listening to me anyway so I’m going to ignore this aspect of reality.)

Make the show and the books entirely separate cultural artifacts at this point.  We’re big folk; we can handle it.  Both of you, end the series however the hell you want, and don’t talk to each other about how you’re going to do it.  

Yes, this will lead to two wildly different endings. That is the point.

As evidence that this will work, I present to you The Walking Dead.  One of the show’s great strengths as a reader of the comics is the way that they gleefully remix everything that the comics do, sprinkling in a heavy dose of their own stuff, introducing brand-new characters, killing off people the books kept alive, and keeping alive folk who have been dead in the comics for years.  The Walking Dead TV show is the best adaptation of a story across media that I have ever seen.  Period.  Point-blank.  And part of the reason for that is that I never have any idea what’s coming next even if I’ve read the comics until they’ve fallen apart.  It is awesome.

Listen to me, Hollywood people and writer much more famous and powerful than me.  Stop talking to each other.  Right now.  Go do your own thing.  Both stories will be better for it.

This isn’t going to work

I fully expect that by the time this pops tomorrow morning HBO will have DMCA’d the hell out of it and it’ll be gone, but here’s for hoping, because it entertains me.  Oh, and Game of Thrones spoilers for those of you who think you can still spoil something that came out fourteen years ago:

In which I am Not an Asshole: a brief true story

UnknownThe wife and I just got back from a brief shopping trip that included a stop at Barnes and Noble.  This is an educator discount week (25% off of everything) so it was worth it to putter around a little bit.  At some point I overheard someone a few aisles away bitching vociferously about people spreading spoilers about Game of Thrones.  Bitching loudly enough, in fact, that she would have herself spoiled the events of the Purple Wedding to anyone around her had they been nearby and not wanted to know.

In a fucking bookstore.  Where the actual books were no more than fifteen to twenty feet away.

I did not start loudly shouting plot events from the next two books.

But I wanted to.

I figure someone owes me candy for bein’ civilized.

On thpoilerth

63401-Grumpy-cat-game-of-thrones-spo-8TvyLet’s talk about spoilers, guys.

I usually don’t watch Game of Thrones.  I have a complicated relationship with the books and until literally this weekend I hadn’t been able to find anyone willing to let me share their HBO GO password; I haven’t enjoyed the TV series enough for the few episodes I’ve watched to get me to pay for it on iTunes or anything like that.  That said, my wife and I were aware that Something was going to Happen in the episode that aired last night, and so we made sure to tune in.

Afterward, in what is quickly becoming a ritual after any major entertainment event, I logged into Twitter to see what people were saying about it.  Now, unlike, say, the Red Wedding, where the weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth could be heard from space, this was an event that I figured the fans of the show who hadn’t read the books would be exultant.  Finding this, though, brought quite a smile to my face (and, uh, spoiler alert?):

Screen Shot 2014-04-14 at 5.01.22 PM

And then something interesting happened.  A whole bunch of people started jumping on King’s ass for posting spoilers.  And lo, there was a kerfluffle on Twitter.

Motherfuckers:

I don’t care if you never read the books.  Joffrey dies in the third Song of Ice and Fire book.  That sumbitch came out in the year 2000.  That was fourteen fucking years ago.  You do not get to bitch about spoilers from a fourteen year old book.  No.  Unacceptable.  Furthermore, you definitely do not get to bitch about spoilers from a fourteen year old book when the place you encounter the spoiler is on Twitter ten minutes after the episode ended.  (I have no idea what’s going on with the timestamp up there, by the way.  He definitely posted the Tweet after the episode ended, not that it matters.)

Twitter is The Place of Spoilers, morons.  I don’t get to watch The Walking Dead until about 24 hours after it airs most weeks.  You know what I don’t do between TWD airing on Sunday night and me getting to see it Monday night?  Go on fucking Twitter.  Or io9, for that matter.  You know why?  Those are places people go to talk about television shows.

How goddamn stupid are you?

King, luckily, took it in stride and began vigorously mocking his detractors by posting spoilers from Romeo and Juliet, which I thought was awesome.

Point is: if you want to avoid spoilers, you should probably avoid spoilers.  Or you run the risk of strangers on the interwebs calling you a dumbass, you dumbass.

On adapting

impin-aint-easy-tryion-memeDecided to take another day home with the wife; she was perfectly happy to go it alone today– and she’s planning on going back to work tomorrow– but I really didn’t like the idea of leaving her by herself all day.  I have to duck out this afternoon for a meeting I can’t miss but will be home with her most of the day.

That said, she’s asleep right now– I didn’t bother going back to bed after taking the boy to day care– so I have some time to write.  Most of my writing around here is done 1) in between getting home from school and her bringing Kenny home from day care and 2) during bath time.  Both of those times are going to cease to exist during the next couple of weeks, as she recovers from her surgery and I take over delivery and pickup from day care and bath time at night.  Time to blog is therefore going to seriously be at a premium, so if I go dark for a bit over the next few weeks, don’t assume I’ve lost interest.  Despite the name of the blog, I actually do have a few real-life examples of demands on my time.  🙂

(Disappointing fact: none of the pictures I find when I Google “Stay at home dad” are funny.  Uses Tyrion meme instead.)

Anyway.

I’d like to make a claim here, and I’m genuinely interested in people’s reactions to it:  The Walking Dead is the most successful adaptation of a story from one medium to another medium ever.   Furthermore, it owes much of its greatness to the fact that it is absolutely fearless about changing, ignoring, or adding to the source material as much as it damn well pleases.  It has taken the setting and many of the characters, but it has added characters as necessary, ignored others, and played all sorts of merry hell with who it has chosen to kill off and who it has kept alive.

I have spent most of the last couple of days trying to come up with a way for me to more precisely define that without saying something that boils down to “but I liiiiike it” and I’m having difficulty with it.  Part of the problem is that Walking Dead is in a lot of ways in a very unique position as far as adaptations go:

  • As a comic book series, it is ongoing.  There are therefore new stories getting added all the time to pull from, and not a single novel or trilogy or whatever to draw from.
  • It is the work of a single creator, or a small handful of creators if we include Charlie Adlard and Tony Harris and a few other artists along with series writer Robert Kirkman.
  • Related, but not exactly the same thing as, point 1:  While Kirkman may be working toward an ending that he’s already got in his head, as a comic series Walking Dead is sort of expected to run on until he’s tired of it.  We’re therefore spared the Game of Thrones disaster scenario where the actress playing the nine-year-old is going to be thirty before he gets around to writing the ending.  And because the Walking Dead TV series established from practically the first two or three episodes that they weren’t interested in slavishly following the comic book series (Shane died six issues into the comic book’s run) they’re not going to have anyone mad at them for Screwing Up Kirkman’s Ending.

Here’s the interesting thing:  I read a lot of stuff online about The Walking Dead; the half-hour or so past a new episode is silent time in my house, as both my wife and I jump online to read reviews and commentary and shit like that about the show we just watched. You know what I never see when I’m doing that?  “Waaah the show is ruining the comic book!”

I mean, it’s probably out there, the Internet being what it is, but I literally can’t remember a single example of it happening, whereas you see it all over the place with any other kind of adaptation.  And, don’t get me wrong, I’ve done it myself plenty of times; to pick two quick and prominent examples I won’t see the two Hobbit sequels because the first film was an abomination, and I never saw whatever the hell the two later Chris Nolan Batman movies were called because those movies should have been called Sword-swingin’ Rodent-Costume Ninja Dude and not Batman.  

(Avoids rant about how fucking awful Batman Begins was.)

Here’s the thing:  interestingly, it’s their fearlessness about making changes in canon that makes The Walking Dead so interesting to me as a television program.  (Spoilers abound for the next few sentences, but mostly older ones.)  Shane gets to live two full seasons when he died almost immediately in the books.  Rick kills Shane instead of Carl doing it.  Judith survives the prison, and Lori’s death is completely different from the books, including Carl having to kill Lori.  While I have all sorts of issues with how the Sophia storyline from the second season got handled, and Season 2 is the show’s worst by a long shot, it needs to be pointed out that Sophia is still alive in the comic books.  Michonne’s interactions with the Governor are very different.   Carol’s entire arc is different, and she’s dead in the comics.  The final confrontation with the Governor is different.  Rick still has both of his hands.  Merle and Daryl Dixon, for shit’s sake, are complete inventions of the TV series.  I could go on for much, much longer, including a discussion of how what happened in the last episode was way better than what happened in the comics, but I think you get the idea.

Meanwhile, the new Fantastic Four movie has made The Human Torch black and the Internet is aflame– heh– with idiocy.  I don’t know what makes the difference; I’d like to think that it’s something other than “It’s well done,” but I can’t come up with a good reason.  Even adaptations that have changed a lot of stuff still generally do it by deletion; Tom Bombadil didn’t show up in the movie version of The Fellowship of the Ring, but they didn’t go and make Aragorn a ring-bearer.  There have been modifications in the Game of Thrones series, but they didn’t let Robb survive the Red Wedding or, alternatively, kill him before the Wedding ever happened and put that in somewhere else.

A recommendation:  George Martin’s gonna finish the books when he feels like it, guys, and most of us will be dead by then.  Finish the series however you want.  Don’t worry about his ending.  I’d love to see what the TV people do when they’re cut free of whatever Martin had in mind.  And I say that not to claim that Martin’s ending is going to be bad– although it probably will; at the rate the books are getting worse, he may as well let Jay Bonansinga co-write the two final books– but so that everybody can stop worrying about it.  The books are different from the TV series; there’s nothing wrong with them ending differently too.