Graaaaah

I’ve alternated between three different moods today: generalized frustration; free-floating, directionless anger; and reading.

Why yes, I am back to work tomorrow! How’d you guess?

Sunday music video dump

Yes, I know good and goddamn well it’s Friday out there in the “real” world, but Thursday and Friday are my weekend and I have to go to work tomorrow so to hell with your normal human days of the week.  It’s Sunday, motherfuckers, let’s rock out:

Oh god damn it

hand-holding-i-give-up-signSo.

I have made $2500 in commission on my sales this year.  This year.  Six weeks.  I did the math; I’m selling furniture for less than $11 an hour.  The company is currently earning interest on sixty thousand dollars of undelivered product.  I don’t get paid until shit ends up in people’s homes and everything I’ve sold is either still backordered or waiting for someone’s house to be ready.  Right now I expect to make minimum wage this week.  If I wasn’t married to someone who makes a lot more money than me, I’d be staring down homelessness right now.

I had a $12,000 ticket last weekend that didn’t earn me a single dime and won’t pay off until May.  That big $18,000 sale at the very end of December?  Scheduled to deliver on March 20th, still five weeks away; I don’t see a cent until then.

I was at work for nine hours today and sold $13 worth of product.  A co-worker came in on his day off and made $3300 in sales in less than half an hour.

Fuck this.  I could literally be making more money flipping burgers.

I just applied for a teaching position.

God fucking help me.

So it’s been a shit weekend

middle-finger-poster-flag-6185-p…the kind where you get into a shouting match with a co-worker in front of customers that’s mostly your fault but is just enough his that you’re more likely to jump off a building than apologize, then go home early because fuck it and spend the rest of the weekend filling out job applications.  I am tired.  Tired.  Physically and emotionally fucking exhausted.

But hey, I drew a stupid little picture tonight.  So there’s that.

Shut up I hate you

middle-finger-poster-flag-6185-pI am, in no particular order, sick of:

  • White people;
  • the Internet;
  • absolutely everyone and everything else.

Okay maybe it’s in that order.  That exact fucking order, in fact.  I’ve been on a self-imposed Facebook break for the last couple of weeks; if you’ve seen me post there it’s because something else I’m using autoposted for me, and I haven’t missed it.  That’s across both my author and Clark Kent identities, and I’m considering a mass unfriending (again) on the CK account of literally everyone but immediate family and people who I have no other way of keeping track of.

And then there’s Twitter, which is normally my outlet for politics-related stuff so that I don’t have to vomit it up here, but which has been on an exceptionally stupid bender for the last couple of days.  I just tore myself away from it and closed the app down when I caught myself moments away from sending an incendiary reply to someone I generally respect who was criticizing my college hometown for having too few pleasant places to sit.  Which is, like, abject nonsense; the entire town is a pleasant place to sit, but what the fuck do I care one way or another if someone is wrong about that?  I do not have any reason to care.  None at all.  And yet.

Who knows; maybe this is the Lexapro talking again and maybe the world did get measurably dumber recently.  There was that attack in London last night, which does always tend to bring out the stupidest among us.  But in general I’m just not in the mood for humanity lately.

I’m going to go put the boy to bed now and try to bask in something happy and simple for a few minutes.  Everybody else, like, go outside, or something.