How old do I look?
Because, okay, I do have a Birthday of Significance coming up, in just barely over a month. I’m not entirely ready for it, to be honest. It has a good chance to be a pretty rough day. But do you know what shit happened to me today? I went to the grocery after work today, with my wife, because of course there had to be a witness along for this bullshit, to buy Many Snacks for the final meeting of my weird little gay kids club tomorrow.
I had too many snacks, so rather than going through the self-checkout I went through a regular register, with a checker and a bagger and shit. The human being manning the register … well, childing the register, was a larva. Maybe seven years old, at most. And do you know what this prepubescent little bastard(*) did to me?
Without saying anything or asking a single question, he gave me a senior citizen discount.
Which I took. Because fuck you, groceries are expensive, and 10% off is a good discount.
But seriously. Tell the truth, especially if you don’t actually know how old I am. I know The Youngs don’t have the slightest idea how old anyone over 30 actually is, but I can go back to this grocery store tomorrow and smack this little asshole, right? Because last I checked senior citizen means sixty-five, and … no. I don’t even plan on living to 65 and I sure as shit on my worst day on Earth don’t look 65 now.
I’mma kidnap this little diaper-wearing-ass smooth-skinned-ass no-retirement-plan-havin’-ass have-fun-with-global-warming-after-I’m-dead-ass whippersnapper and dropkick him onto my front lawn so I can tell him to get the fuck off of it.
(*) By seven, I mean seventeen, because if this little shit can fuck up my age I can sure as hell fuck his up.
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Maybe he knows a teacher purchase when he sees one, or maybe just hates his job and give discounts whenever he thinks he can remotely get away with it
I’m going to go with the last one, although everything I’ve ever heard about this place indicates they’re actually really good to their employees.
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I remember when that first happened to me! I didn’t realize until I got home and looked at the receipt – cracked me up. However, I definitely qualify (I’m 61 now, was probably 57 or so when it first occurred) and my store gives the discount for 55 and over.
I am at the point where everyone looks like a young’un to me – if I saw you, I would think you were in your 30s. Your skin is flawless!