The following things are all true:

• Two hours ago I owned not a single pair of dress pants.  I wear jeans to work and I have had the same job for seven years.  They have not been necessary.
• I am too fat to find a suit jacket in a department store.  This is literal and precise truth; they carry nothing in my size.  Not one jacket in two different stores.  Not one.
• I am too thin to find a suit jacket in a big and tall store.  They have stuff that fits me, but limited in quantity and style.  Also, the arms are much too long always and forever.
• I am also too short to find pants that fit in a big and tall store.  I have a 38″ or 40″ waist depending on the cut (I prefer roomier) and a 29″ (better, but impossible to find) or 30″ inseam.  The B&T store had nothing shorter than 34s.
• I nonetheless have four hundred fucking dollars less than I had two hours ago, and no clothes that fit right.
• If I’d had more than, oh, half a day’s warning that there was a job interview coming tomorrow, I might have had time to shop more effectively.

I’ll let you determine what kind of mood I’m in right now.