Ah, screw it. Furniture. I sell furniture now. Maybe that was obvious from the thing about the massage chair the other day; I dunno. There are not a ton of furniture stores in the area but there are at least as many furniture stores as there are middle schools, and I’ve made it three years without anyone trying to dox me, so screw it. I suspect talking about my life for the next little while will become very complicated if I’m not even able to reveal what sort of sales I’m involved in.
That said, the training wheels come off on Monday, so if you know me and you’re in the area and in the market for some furniture, come hit me up. Believe it or not the Fourth of July weekend will feature a sale. I suspect that detail will not help people pin down what store I work at. I have spent the week in a crazily intense crash course on basically everything anyone could possibly want to know about furniture, and I am trying hard to resist the urge to tear apart everything in the house to see how it is constructed. I have learned more about drawer construction in the last four days than I ever imagined it was possible to know. Drawers are complicated! Really damn complicated! I can tell you about like four different types of dovetailing and on Monday I didn’t know what dovetailing was. And lacquer! Do you know what catalyzed lacquer is? Because I do. Go ahead, point at a piece of wood on a piece of furniture and ask me if it’s solid wood or veneered. I’ll know.
Also, I really want all-new furniture. Like, everywhere in the house. I expect to spend my first four to six paychecks entirely on furniture. My wife may have something to say about this, I suppose. On a couple of different levels.
So that’s what I’ve been doing all week. I’m at OtherJob tomorrow, then I have Sunday off, and I work on Monday and on my birthday. Will there be celebrations after that?
I’m turning 40. Probably.