In which I have to buy clothes again

middle-finger-poster-flag-6185-pOnce, just once, I want to buy clothes without it leading to mental trauma and a blog post.  I just wanna go buy some damn clothes and then wear them somewhere without any bullshit being involved.

Yes, I know it would be worse if I was a woman.  If I was a woman I would almost certainly have been reduced to simply wearing muumuus everywhere and never leaving the house, because men’s clothing is complicated enough.  And I hate, oh do I hate shopping for clothes, especially shoes and pants.

You may be taking note of the season and realizing that I probably went to buy shorts today.  And, worse, because all of the bullying has finally convinced me to buy shorts made of something other than denim, I had to buy something made of not-denim, which is ever so much worse.  I go into this fucking weird-ass mental state whenever I’m trying to buy khaki shorts where all the sudden I don’t understand how clothing works at all, or like, how to dress or how to match shirts with pants and shit like that, which is why I still prefer jean shorts, because jeans go with anyfuckingthing.  I recognize intellectually that at this point khakis work the exact same way– hell, I saw a grown man in turquoise shorts while I was shopping, and he looked fine— but I can’t make myself actually believe it.

Also– and, again, ladies, I know what you’re about to say– but while I was buying the shorts, I was wearing 38 inch waist jeans and 34″ boxer shorts that both fit just fine.  The shorts?  All 44s.  Because sure, that makes perfect sense.

And since I bought them at Kohl’s, the Kohl’s Curse will be activating any day now, and at least one of them will inexplicably not fit in a week despite them all being the same brand and the same size and cut.  This happens every single time I buy multiple garments from Kohl’s.  One of them just suddenly doesn’t fit, even if it was fine when I tried it on.

Whining over for the time being.  You may go about your business.

2 thoughts on “In which I have to buy clothes again

  1. kohls is the devil. they have sales and cyoopons and they trick you into thinking OH YES THIS IS A GOOD DEAL I WILL BUY FIFTY OF IT and then, yes: some voodoo occurs and nothing fits anymore. i’ve fallen for it myself. never again.

    also, even for all the fuckery wrt sizing between brands/styles/colors for women, i would never, EVER, claim that we have it easier. because we have sooooo many more options than you do, and if something is terrible we can just wear something else. at the moment i’m wearing a lovely dress that i LOVE and it is perfect except that if i bend over it becomes scandalous in the back, so i’m also wearing skinny jeans. but, i mean, srsly: skinny jeans. what am i, fifteen? but together they are a fully functional ensemble; the dress covers my standing ass and the jeans cover my bending ass and NOBODY CAN SEE MY ASS.

    but can you wear a dress over your shorts?

    actually, YES.

    but that would be a whole ‘nother blog, now, wouldn’t it.

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