Once, just once, I want to buy clothes without it leading to mental trauma and a blog post. I just wanna go buy some damn clothes and then wear them somewhere without any bullshit being involved.
Yes, I know it would be worse if I was a woman. If I was a woman I would almost certainly have been reduced to simply wearing muumuus everywhere and never leaving the house, because men’s clothing is complicated enough. And I hate, oh do I hate shopping for clothes, especially shoes and pants.
You may be taking note of the season and realizing that I probably went to buy shorts today. And, worse, because all of the bullying has finally convinced me to buy shorts made of something other than denim, I had to buy something made of not-denim, which is ever so much worse. I go into this fucking weird-ass mental state whenever I’m trying to buy khaki shorts where all the sudden I don’t understand how clothing works at all, or like, how to dress or how to match shirts with pants and shit like that, which is why I still prefer jean shorts, because jeans go with anyfuckingthing. I recognize intellectually that at this point khakis work the exact same way– hell, I saw a grown man in turquoise shorts while I was shopping, and he looked fine— but I can’t make myself actually believe it.
Also– and, again, ladies, I know what you’re about to say– but while I was buying the shorts, I was wearing 38 inch waist jeans and 34″ boxer shorts that both fit just fine. The shorts? All 44s. Because sure, that makes perfect sense.
And since I bought them at Kohl’s, the Kohl’s Curse will be activating any day now, and at least one of them will inexplicably not fit in a week despite them all being the same brand and the same size and cut. This happens every single time I buy multiple garments from Kohl’s. One of them just suddenly doesn’t fit, even if it was fine when I tried it on.
Whining over for the time being. You may go about your business.