Let’s talk about the Star Wars trailer again a little bit. No, I’m serious. Yes, I’m actually doing this. I know I already posted about it. I don’t care.
Let’s deal with the easy stuff first:
IN WHICH I CHANGE MY MIND: Fuck it, I’m on board with the lightbroadsword. Yes, the crossguards are ridiculous. HOWEVER, lightsabers themselves are ridiculous. No one can fight with a blade that cuts in every direction without killing themselves quickly. Here’s why the crossguards work: because the Force, shut up. They bugged me at first and now they don’t.
Also bothering me at first: the new F/X on the blade itself, which is receiving much less attention than I would expect it to. Everybody’s been so focused on the crossguards (ONE WORD, DAMMIT, WORDPRESS) that they’re ignoring the fact that lightsabers generally neither look nor sound like this lightsaber looks and sounds. (Seriously, listen to it ignite. That’s not how they sound!) It’s like it’s made of fire more than it’s made out of light.
It has been suggested by someone that this weapon was created by someone who didn’t quite know what they were doing, or that there is a genuine story-based reason why the saber looks different. If that is the case, I’ll drop all objections. If I see Luke holding a lightsaber and it looks like this, it’s because JJ is changing shit just to change shit and that will seriously get on my nerves. I’ve seen interviews with Lucas where he discusses the F/X team’s debates about the look of the lightsabers in the prequels, and they deliberately decided to mimic the look from Return of the Jedi as closely as they could. This is the correct decision.
Lotsa gripes about this guy being cutesy. Shut up. If you’re griping about this guy being cutesy you are either deliberately ignoring cutesy in the previous films or you don’t actually like Star Wars very much. You’re allowed to not like Star Wars! You’re just not allowed to get mad when new Star Wars films are like the old Star Wars films.
(One of the things that really get on my nerves about the prequels: Star Wars has never, ever, ever had good dialogue. No, not even Empire. Never. The prequels are just as bad as the originals in this respect, and if you gripe about the sand on Naboo I’m gonna make you watch Luke griping about Tosche station until your eyes bleed.)
This is not to say that I’m not nervous. I still am. Here’s why:
Oh, shut up, it’s not because he’s black, you fucking cretin. (Seriously, this is the stupidest thing to complain about ever, except maybe for the scum who got mad that Rue was black in Hunger Games because they couldn’t goddamn read. Jango Fett is brown, every trooper in the prequel films looks exactly like him, and none of the troopers in the original movies ever take their helmets off. Also, Boba Fett is brown too, you assholes.)
No. The problem is he’s terrified. And this scene is followed soon after by this one:
Complete with shakycam.
You never see fear like that on anyone in any of the first six movies. Most of the time when the characters are scared it’s played for laughs– the trash compactor scene, for example. Han Solo is practically barbecued in ROTJ and it’s played as a joke. This guy thinks he’s going to die, and thinks he’s going to die soon, and that’s a problem. This shot and the shakycam and blue lighting on the stormtrooper scene gives the whole thing a militaristic, gritty feel that is entirely absent from the original films.
Now, if I’m just worried about me seeing the movie, no big deal. But I want to take my four-year-old to see it. In fact, I’m rather more invested than I should be in this being my kid’s first movie. And if they couldn’t put together a ninety second trailer without giving me a couple of pieces of evidence that this film is going to be a lot scarier than the previous six, I probably have a problem.
(And if the rumors that I’m hearing about the end of the film are true, I’m not seeing it at all— but we’ll worry about that later.)*
* Some of you may be going “Yeah, whatever, nerd, yes you will.” No, really, I won’t. Go ahead: ask me about the third Matrix film, or the latter seven or eight Hobbit movies, or the two sequels they made to Sword Wielding Bat Costume Punchy Man. I know nothing, because I’m actually pretty good at not seeing movies that are wrong. And if this ends like I’m hearing? No money for you.
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Welcome to infinitefreetime dot com 
“I know nothing, because I’m actually pretty good at not seeing movies that are wrong.”
Snowpiercer.
But other than that, it’s just a movie. See it or don’t, but the stuff that people bitch about is more than a little irritating.
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I didn’t know that Snowpiercer was wrong when I saw it. I clearly won’t be seeing Snowpiercer 2.
And I don’t understand what “just a movie” even means. This is just a blog post. So what?
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“This is just a blog post. So what?”
Exactly.
Too many people make mountains out of mouseturds. Most movies are only there to entertain. If they make you think about something important, that’s great, but at the end of the day, most movies and the creative decisions behind them really aren’t so earth-shatteringly important as to deserve heated debate as other, real world issues.
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You think people are attaching too much importance to movies. I think people are attaching too much importance to “heated debate.” One of these two things cost millions upon millions of dollars and years of person-hours to make, and will probably make billions in return. The other is fifteen minutes of me typing. I think the Important Real World Issues will survive.
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And, for that matter, why the fuck shouldn’t we take entertainment seriously? That’s ridiculous.
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Is it really worth having an aneurysm over?
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No, but it’s worth taking the four seconds that it takes to write a comment. How long do you think I’m spending thinking about this?
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Although I’ve got to admit I’m really curious about your endgame here. Would it make you feel better if I deleted the post? You seem really upset that I’m talking about something you’re not interested in talking about. So upset that you keep talking about it.
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No, I’m not upset about anything regarding your post.
Why would I ask that you delete a post from your blog? That’s silly.
I’m just responding to your comments.
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Ah. Trolling. Well done!
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I didn’t think I was trolling, but okay.
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I’m with you on not watching useless sequels.
Um, where would one go for slightly credible, or credible sounding, potential spoilers? Just wondering…
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Literally the entire goddamn internet. 🙂
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Credible, I said.
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At this point, nothing is credible. We don’t even know the characters’ names for sure yet– Abrams has done a pretty good job of keeping a lid on the parts of production he’s wanted to keep a lid on.
That said, this is the spoiler to which I refer and you should not click on this link: http://screencrush.com/wookieeleaks-star-wars-force-awakens-trailer-udpate/
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“Udpate”? 🙂
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The John Boyega scene actually made me hopeful: hopeful that we’ll actually get a good combo of acting/directing in these next movies. I was really feeling the intense emotion.
Have you seen Colbert’s segment about the lightsaber yet? Hilarious.
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Just watched it tonight, actually, along with seeing an image on io9 where they’d removed the crosspieces in Photoshop and just left a cross-shaped blade. It looked amazing.
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Yeah I saw that image and instantly liked the crossguard idea better hahaha. I’m so fickle.
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Literally laughed out loud at this: “Here’s why the crossguards work: because the Force, shut up.” So much thanks.
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I was blah on this trailer until the Falcon and the music showed up. Then it was Episode IV all over again. 🙂
Still, I’m going to have to hear lots more good stuff about this movie if I’m going to see it. I got suckered into prequel #1 and haven’t touched anything Star Wars since. I won’t see the next Superman movie, and I won’t see any more of JJ’s Star Trek unless someone I trust tells me it’s awesome. I will see the last Hobbit movie, because I enjoyed the previous two in spite of their being silly and nothing like the book. No more, though, Peter, please stop.
I liked Snowpiercer, but I consider it satire, or at least absurdist. I don’t think for one moment the director intended it to be taken seriously.
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That African-American in the Stormtrooper suit looks like Muhammad Ali.
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