Okay so we’ve gotta fight now I guess.

HatfieldClanHere are the rules of Raking Leaves.  Well, the Rule of Raking Leaves, because there’s really only the one rule: you are responsible for the leaves in your yard, period.  The location of the tree does not matter, because leaves blow.  We raked leaves last Saturday.  There were leaves in my yard from oak trees, and I don’t even know where the nearest oak tree is.  Nevertheless, because I am a Good Neighbor, and because the two trees in the front yard I share with my immediate neighbor (in the sense that they but up against each other with no fence as a divider; it’s one big chunk of grass) are both in my lawn, I did my best to blow as many of “his” leaves as I could into our pile.  The majority of them fell off of my tree.  I use an electric leaf blower, and if you had looked right after we did it you could pretty neatly delineate exactly how far my cord let me get into his yard, because those areas were bare of leaves.

My neighbor’s wife and son are outside right now, blowing leaves.  They (or, rather, she, because their son is in a different part of the yard) are blowing the leaves not to the foot of the lawn, where the city can pick them up, but into my yard.  Where the wind is just gonna blow them right the fuck back into their lawn.  And I’m, like, right here, in my living room, and I can see her doing it, because the tree is right outside my living room window.  Plus the city came by and sucked up leaves today, so they won’t be here for at least a week and this is a pointless endeavor right now anyway because there are literally probably still a million leaves on that tree that haven’t fallen yet.

I do not understand people.

Published by

Luther M. Siler

Teacher, writer of words, and local curmudgeon. Enthusiastically profane. Occasionally hostile.

6 thoughts on “Okay so we’ve gotta fight now I guess.

  1. We have, literally, zero trees on our property. None. One neighbor, however, has a giant one that hangs over our driveway, and the other has a giant one that almost hangs over our backyard. We get A LOT of leaves from those trees, and we’ve never once had a problem with getting rid of them ourselves. We do mention how we sometimes wish the one neighbor (with the tree hanging over our driveway) would get rid of it, mainly because the roots grow up and crack our driveway, but we aren’t mean about it. We rake our leaves and put them out on the curb like normal people.


  2. That’s when you go stand right in her line of sight with a benign look, a mug of a hot beverage in hand and stare at her until she makes eye contact. Then, you raise the mug in an ironic salute and go back inside.
    Plus – humans are a very weird species!

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  3. The alternative to a calm and peaceful saunter over to ask her why she’s blowing them onto your lawn is to, just once, race out there with your blower while she’s being an idiot and blow the leaves back at her. Some people could use one metaphorical sledge to the pea brain to become a better neighbor. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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