Here are the rules of Raking Leaves.  Well, the Rule of Raking Leaves, because there’s really only the one rule: you are responsible for the leaves in your yard, period.  The location of the tree does not matter, because leaves blow.  We raked leaves last Saturday.  There were leaves in my yard from oak trees, and I don’t even know where the nearest oak tree is.  Nevertheless, because I am a Good Neighbor, and because the two trees in the front yard I share with my immediate neighbor (in the sense that they but up against each other with no fence as a divider; it’s one big chunk of grass) are both in my lawn, I did my best to blow as many of “his” leaves as I could into our pile.  The majority of them fell off of my tree.  I use an electric leaf blower, and if you had looked right after we did it you could pretty neatly delineate exactly how far my cord let me get into his yard, because those areas were bare of leaves.

My neighbor’s wife and son are outside right now, blowing leaves.  They (or, rather, she, because their son is in a different part of the yard) are blowing the leaves not to the foot of the lawn, where the city can pick them up, but into my yard.  Where the wind is just gonna blow them right the fuck back into their lawn.  And I’m, like, right here, in my living room, and I can see her doing it, because the tree is right outside my living room window.  Plus the city came by and sucked up leaves today, so they won’t be here for at least a week and this is a pointless endeavor right now anyway because there are literally probably still a million leaves on that tree that haven’t fallen yet.

I do not understand people.